Meh. :)

"Compliments can even surprise people. Really, it's so much easier to point out what's wrong with someone rather than what's right, and to focus on the beauty of the person."

Honestly, I've come to realize that I'm one of those people. I can handle compliments, but this year I've received some that have been backed up with great sincerity from the person saying it.

"You've really improved and grown as a photographer since the beginning of the semester." or "You look really pretty tonight." etc. are just some of the few things that I've come realize have taken me by surprise. I mean, it's so much easier to find qualities both good and bad in other people when compared to trying to find qualities in oneself. That's why I guess it is really important to step outside of yourself from time to time to observe if you're really aware of how you're acting.

That's all I've really got to say right now. I'm so brain dead, I haven't fallen asleep yet and it's already 6:30 a.m. Time for bed.

Dreams of a Carousel in the Sunlight

Strange twists and odd churning. Spinning around and around. Dizziness and happiness and whatever other ingredients are involved in this summer. I'm still learning, but all of me has been open truly to all the different opportunities everywhere...and yet there's still more endless possibilities.

I don't like watching videos or pictures of friends from college yet because not enough time has passed by yet. Every time I think about them, I realize something and get a twinge of pain, but not pain really, but I miss them, and then I think about some things, sometimes I have a moment and actually have an outward reaction, which to everyone else seems like a random outburst, so I cover it up with a random distraction, I guess. I'm pretty sure I might have just made a run-on sentence or something, but it's okay. That's another thing, I feel much more forgiving now. Of other people, and of myself, and I feel like that's really something new about me, because I really do fall into the saying "You're your biggest critic." It's actually nice to just be and realize what you can do and what you can't, but still be not afraid to try it. Well, fear isn't really what matters, but the fact that you'd be courageous to try it, that's what I was trying to say. I guess, in little ways like this I realize that I am growing up (hahaha that's so weird). "Do what you can, and let God take care of the rest."

I enjoy a lot of things, both big and little. I can't wait to be out in the sun again and just look up at it and smile. I picture a lot of silly things like that in my mind, like finally being able to run through a field of giant sunflowers, laughing so hard-truly laughing-with people I care about, where we're all happy, and no one is sad. To go stargazing with someone dear to me, for all of us to be at Mass together and singing our hearts out in praise and worship. For someone to understand me but to not get bored with me. To be able to fly or run through a hedge maze, to be in outer space, the list goes on and on...I'm just going to stop because whoever reads this is probably laughing quietly to themselves.

No regrets. I can't help but have them sometimes, but it helps to know that in the end, it was worth it, because if it weren't for that event, chances are I wouldn't have been able to do some other things. Always try to find that silver lining. The Aurora Boreas is something I've always wanted to see too. Someday...

Check out this song, this guy is a genius!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRzdDCXqLi8&feature=g-user-u

Observations of my physical pain.

So, I guess it's time for me to step back and realize more things about myself and what's been going on. I can't blame them for us failing to see eye to eye. I think I'm just already weary from everything that's been going on. So, I did want to apologize for that last rant in my previous post.

Anyways, I it's just been about 5 days since I've been back and I already injured myself...great...
I hurt my ankle. I'm not sure how bad, but I'm hoping for a minor sprain...the pain tells me otherwise though. I mean, I've had minor sprains before but I've never recalled it hurting to this extreme. It was more like severe uncomfortableness. I remember the first time I ever sprained my ankle I was limping and crying, but I managed.
This time, I hurt myself in the woods, and when I fell I heard something crack, but when I asked everyone if they heard a cracking noise, one of my friends said that they stepped on a stick, so that makes me feel a bit better. I really hope it's not a fracture, because...well...great...
It's true. I really do need to start consuming more milk. I need calcium.
What's really weird is that the pain seems to be creeping up my leg, because now there's a hint of pain just right below my knee. Also, if I move my toes, I honestly can't because it hurts so much to. The only one I can successfully do without it unbearably hurting is my pinky toe. Oh crap. I really really really hope I didn't break my foot. Yesterday, tears were forming from my lacrimal glands because of how much it hurt, and it's like one of those, "always in pain but when even touched becomes an even more intense pain" kind of thing. I couldn't even have it under a blanket because it hurt so much. There's also throbbing everywhere, but I think that's a normal thing for an injury. What's really weird is that it hurts and causes some weird tingling to have it elevated. Currently it is wrapped and is being elevated and iced, but even having the ice on there, I'm pretty sure it's from the pressure of having it on there, causes it to hurt extremely and make it so cold! Ahhhhhh I don't know what to do or what I'm doing, but it hurts so much that I refuse to walk anywhere. What's really awesome though is that my family has stepped up to help me, my little sister even helped me get repositioned properly this morning before she left for school while I was half-conscious, and my dad does regular check-ups on me and brings me food. I really don't want to get an x-ray just because hospital trips=expenses but if I have to, I guess I'll have to. I guess I should talk to my mom before deciding anything in stone.

Little Things

We're not responsible. We can barely take care of ourselves it seems, and you expect us to deal with this? The least that you could do is help out at least a little bit, and no, I do not mean by bossing us around and yelling at us and telling us to do this and to do that and etc. You live here too, and I know that you do a lot to contribute, but you need to remember that you're not the only one who does stuff around here. So do we. It may not be the exact same thing as what you go through, but we go through our own crap everyday too, and it wears us out as well. You have to look at things not only through your point of view, but through ours as well. Look around you. Sure, you whine and complain about how things are, but have you all really taken a step back to see what other ways there are of approaching or other means of handling the situation? Obviously yelling at each other isn't working, because you've made little to no progress. Why can't you see that? I know you probably don't realize this, but because of all of this, I've locked myself away several times just crying for hours, and then it got to the point where I honestly just didn't care and learned to tune everything that I didn't want anything to do with and just went along with what's really important in life. I must admit, being around it again causes chaos within me, but it cuts even more to see someone experience the same thing that I've gone through. Especially since she's even more fragile than I am, and she's much better at expressing herself than I am. Of course, she doesn't come with much tact, but she's still very respectful whenever the time comes. She doesn't want to hurt anyone or burden them with things, so she just bears it and goes to the corner of her universe that she deemed as her own and cries there.
Oh the little things to think about.

You are not alone.

"Regardless of how you feel, God is always there, and He always loves you."

In my experience with life, I've found that this is very true, and very comforting. God is always with you, even when you don't feel Him there. No matter what happens, no matter what I have to face, or whatever odds are for or against me, He walks by my side in all that I do. Can you say best friend ever? He's legit.

Loneliness is such a big thing in this world, and not many people realize it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a lot of people suffer from it and don't even realize that they do. It's understandable. We're human, and we're wired to need each other, because without one another, we won't survive. But, if every lonely person in the world would just realize that God has been by your side this entire time, and He always will be, maybe the world wouldn't be so lonely anymore.