- Created By stars go bye
Dreams of a Carousel in the Sunlight
Strange twists and odd churning. Spinning around and around. Dizziness and happiness and whatever other ingredients are involved in this summer. I'm still learning, but all of me has been open truly to all the different opportunities everywhere...and yet there's still more endless possibilities.
I don't like watching videos or pictures of friends from college yet because not enough time has passed by yet. Every time I think about them, I realize something and get a twinge of pain, but not pain really, but I miss them, and then I think about some things, sometimes I have a moment and actually have an outward reaction, which to everyone else seems like a random outburst, so I cover it up with a random distraction, I guess. I'm pretty sure I might have just made a run-on sentence or something, but it's okay. That's another thing, I feel much more forgiving now. Of other people, and of myself, and I feel like that's really something new about me, because I really do fall into the saying "You're your biggest critic." It's actually nice to just be and realize what you can do and what you can't, but still be not afraid to try it. Well, fear isn't really what matters, but the fact that you'd be courageous to try it, that's what I was trying to say. I guess, in little ways like this I realize that I am growing up (hahaha that's so weird). "Do what you can, and let God take care of the rest."
I enjoy a lot of things, both big and little. I can't wait to be out in the sun again and just look up at it and smile. I picture a lot of silly things like that in my mind, like finally being able to run through a field of giant sunflowers, laughing so hard-truly laughing-with people I care about, where we're all happy, and no one is sad. To go stargazing with someone dear to me, for all of us to be at Mass together and singing our hearts out in praise and worship. For someone to understand me but to not get bored with me. To be able to fly or run through a hedge maze, to be in outer space, the list goes on and on...I'm just going to stop because whoever reads this is probably laughing quietly to themselves.
No regrets. I can't help but have them sometimes, but it helps to know that in the end, it was worth it, because if it weren't for that event, chances are I wouldn't have been able to do some other things. Always try to find that silver lining. The Aurora Boreas is something I've always wanted to see too. Someday...
Check out this song, this guy is a genius!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRzdDCXqLi8&feature=g-user-u
...his dreams...
So, I have this friend, and he told me that I was in a very long and elaborate dream last night...weird huh? Then, I find out it was one of those "horribly horribly dirty...sexual" dreams. Well, that's what he said. Personally, I think it's a bit out there, but he doesn't want to tell me because he thinks that I'll not be able to look at him the same way.
I told him that wouldn't happen, that I wouldn't let some silly dream get in between us, I care about him waay too much to let something like that happen. He's still reluctant to tell me more, but he said he would eventually.
Truthfully, it doesn't matter if he tells me or not, but I'm going to make sure it doesn't change my perspective of him...why would it? Although, it does feel...nice to know that he cares. :) I guess, it'll just depend on if he wants to tell me or not, even though he really wants to know if I want to know. At first, I did. But now, honestly, I'm not so sure. I don't know if once I get what I want, I'll want what I get. You know what I mean?
I used to like this guy, a whole lot more than I do now. But, after all that's happened, I've come to terms with myself and accepted that we could never be...now my longing has turned into a tender soft spot, or so I think. I'm pretty sure that's how we are, just really good friends. and you know, that seems to be ok with me, as long as I have him around, I'm happy.
End
