drew's amazing.
andmybestfriend.
what kind of girl would be so obsessed with you me at six and all time low?
that'd be me. i'm that girl. jessica's the name, and lying is the game. but lying's not always the game, i didn't lie about my obsession right there. i am obsessed with atl and youmeatsix. i can name all of all time low's song just by hearing it, and i know most of the songs from you me at six.
oh my. here i am trying to "wow" you with some decent first impression and already you think of me as some lying band obsessed teenager. well, you must know there is more to me then that.
like my swagger. and my legit-ness. it's pretty ghetto crazy.
if you're anybody who knows anything, then you'll know i have a mild case of heffaphobia? halfaphobia? i don't know. but i do know i have an irrational fear of being touched. well, i wouldn't say it's irrational. i'd like to think it's rational. as rational as can be. either way, do not, under any circumstances enter my little bubble. i freak the fuck out. ask anybody who's anybody.
that's not always the case. if i'm comfortable enough with you or i'm just comfortable that day, i won't mind. with some i'm comfortable around them all the time, with others it's an on and off thing.
another thing about me; i'm always smiling. well, at least eighty percent of the time. if i smiled one hundred percent of the time, my jaw would need some serious work.
now, i'm not saying that i'm a saint or anything, because i can assure you i am most definitely not even remotely close to being a saint. i've been called a bitch far too many times, i've already lost track. i've lied so many times in my life, i couldn't tell you what was the truth if it was standing right in front of me. i've been grounded because of my anger issues and my attitude. i swear far too much for a girl my age, and sometimes my parents are ashamed of me.
but i'm alright with that.
now if you really know me, you'd know i'm also kind of philophobic. i don't know how this has happened, i think it's because of the whole touching thing, i'm so afraid of people getting close to me physically, that my mind has convinced my body that i'm afraid of people getting close emotionally.
that's pretty logical, right?
of course it is. at least, that's what i tell myself.
sure i've had infatuations, but never have i been infatuated enough for a relationship. besides, i'm stressed out enough. i don't need a boyfriend stressing me out too. plus there's the fact that i haven't found the right guy.
no, not "mr. right" because i'm well aware that he won't be coming around like, ever. i'm talking a guy who could handle me and my moodiness. or the fact that i might put myself before anybody else sometimes. that i might be a demanding, nagging, bitch, but he'll stay long enough to see through that and actually like me because he knows my perks.
yeah. that's gonna happen.
oh, yeah. i'm currently in middle school, and basking in my free health care. which is highly appreciated with all the sprains i've gotten. which leads me to the subject of basketball.
basketball is the whole reason why i have this darn sprained ankle. the same ankle i sprained two times before. once in february again, from basketball, and another time about maybe three years ago from soccer. but basketball is def my favourite sport there is. but that doesn't mean i dislike all the other sports, i'm up for something different.
i like sports. don't hate.
my mind's always in the gutter. and i am not just saying that, because it is exactly as it is. the truth. not it's not exactly eighty year old pedophile dirty, just the whole, oh, yeah, i'm gonna laugh because i can take that sexually. which is pretty much most of the time.
i'm conceited, but i don't consider myself pretty. i haven't met one girl yet who is so self-centered they go around telling people how beautiful they are. i've only ever heard all of my girl friends saying they're 'hideous'. which is far from the truth. so, i'm gonna be one of those annoying girls and tell you i am full on hideous. even if you may think it's a lie, i refuse to depart from denial.
i like denial. it's like a secure, little blanket. you know, one that's so soft and warm you can't help but wrap yourself up with it. and it's pure ecstasy because it's yours and no one else's. and with that blanket you don't have to face the truth. you can convince yourself of anything and everything. it's tainted bliss. your tainted bliss.
but in this case, it's mine.
i'm opinionated and almost always brutally honest, if you ask for my opinion i won't hesitate telling you the truth. if i don't like something, i'll straight up tell you i don't like something. but twenty-five percent of the time i hold it in. not for my sake, of course. i just don't wanna be a bitch all the time. it's a life choice.
i may not say what i really think of you, but i will think it. oh, i will. if you're reading this now, thinking what a terrible human being i must be, think about this. even if you haven't exactly told people off or bitched and moaned about someone behind their back, you're judging me right now. and you hardly even know me.
everybody judges on first impressions. sometimes even appearance alone. i do it, i'm not gonna lie about that. so you can't sit there thinking i'm a complete liar, also everybody's lied. even if it's a small, white lie. a lie is a lie, no matter how much you like to think that it's not.
me. i happen to be a compulsive liar. and i've been one for years, it wasn't until this year that i've admit it.
you've heard about my many flaws. and just like my flaws i have many perks. maybe you'll get to see them one day, maybe you won't. only time will tell.
now continue wondering how i sleep at night.
Sincerely, the most legit bitch there is :]
Run run her kiss is a vampire grin.
The moon lights away while she's howlin' at it.
She looks good but her boyfriend says she's a tramp,
she's a tramp,
she's a vamp,
but she still does her dance.
she's a tramp,
she's a vamp,
but she still kills the dance.
January 10 2010
Time: 12:15
Music: Dance In The Dark - Lady GaGa
Mood: Ecstatic,
So, I'd say I'm getting better at this.
It hasn't been a full two months since I've updated, so it's all good.
Update on my weekend; went shopping on Friday, and I saw this guy who looked like Tyson from The All-American Rejects. And as a joke I was licking my ice cream erotically, and he was staring.
That was incredibly embarrassing.
And whalin' white cheddar p[popcorn from Kernals is AMAZING, be tee dubs [btw].
On Saturday I went score keeping at my brother's school and holy SHIT CRAP. There was this guy in the basketball tournament who checked me out like six times. Twice in under ten seconds.
And he was a HOTTIE,
Like, no joke.
He looked kinda like Alex Evans, except he had better longer, and slightly thicker hair, hazel-ish eyes, and he was more muscular then him. Not sickly muscular, that'd be such a turn off.
During half time and while he was waiting for me to call subs, we would be flirting with each other and my new friend Taryn got mad at me, so did my old gym teacher, the coaches, and the refs because I forgot to press the buzzer.
And his coach got mad at him for flirting with the score keeper. Plus his coach was his dad, too.
While his friend -- I'm guessing -- was waiting for us to call subs he told me Nick -- the really hot guy -- kept missing the net because he was distracted by me, and that was incredibly sweet.
When the tournament was over, I was talking to Taryn and he came over, so Taryn left to give us some "alone time" so we could talk, and I was so close to getting his number but then my brother walked in, and so did Brenden and they yelled at the guy, so I smacked both of them, told my brother to fuck off and Brenden to go back to his team.
I was so pissed.
But he winked before he left, so I'm hoping we see each other again. Too bad he goes to some school that I've just learned existed yesterday.
Still, he was downright SEXY.
And today, well today I have to finish my art homework 'cause it's do tomorrow and I'm not even half way done either of the two sketches I have to finish or Ms. Spalding will kick my ass,
I am not kidding, she has a hit list and I'm soon to be on it.
It's just surprising I'm even passing art. Or any of my classes these days, I'm such a procrastinator.
Brain Bumps &&Facebook Stalkers,
I love you all,
Jess.
She lives in a fairy tale,
Somewhere too far for us to find,,
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of the world that she's left behind,
It's all about the exposure the lens I told her,
The angles were all wrong now,
She's ripping wings off of butterflies.
Time: 5:21PM
Music: Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore
So, wow. Is it wrong that I forgot how to do this?
How long has it been since an actual post?
Two, three months?
So, I guess I should really tell you what's been going down, right?
Well, today Erin's sleeping over, yesterday I went and slept over at Madison's and we invited like, three of our guy friends and two of Madison's girlfriends. One of the guys couldn't come over, so it was just us six.
Natalie's never going to find out.
Oh, by the way, Merry -- late -- motha fucking Christmas! I hope yours went as well as mine. Well, that's a lie. I hope it went much better then mine for reasons I'm not saying.
I started a rewrite for one of my most read stories. It had a super long ass title, so I just thinned it down and made the chapters longer, descriptive, and more interesting.
I cut my hair. It was bothering me so much.
I got a new phone and my brother broke my iPod. My phone's an LG Neon, I think.
I dated Tyson and Harrison and I think Jack? For like two minutes, then dumped them all. When Tyson dumped me, I was like "But, what about all the good times we had? I can change!"
And I went to the Buchannan dance. Harrison was slapping mine and Erin's asses for this contest thing. I got new clothes too. Basically, I changed.
Lots.
I've become a lot more negative and sarcastic. And Brady, oh, right. You guys don't know Brady.
Well, okay, Brady's this guy who would always be over at our house. And when he sleeps here, he would be sleeping in his boxers because this is like his second house.
He's one of my brother's closest friends and he's pretty alright. Fairly quiet, but that's alright with me.
Kay, so, the reason why I brought him up is because of one reason, and one reason only; No it's not because I like him. It's more because he likes me. Totally weird, right?
Gets weirder.
So, my brother calls me, and all I hear is laughing. So, I'm like "Chris! What? I'm in math, so hurry the fuck up." I wasn't actually in math class, I went to the bathroom, but he called me in math class.
Anyways, he said "Brady said he banged you last night, confirm or deny." And Brady's incredibly embarrassed. And I'm super confused, so I say,
"You called me in the middle of math class for this bullshit?" Then I hang up. A couple hours later, I guess football practice was over -- yeah, my brother's in football, and I made the girls' basketball team. Hellz yeah! -- my brother calls, I answer, and then nothing. Then he just hangs up.
I ask him about it later, and he tells me it was Brady. Brady said he was calling his girlfriend with Chris' phone and calls me. So, I'm like, "Kay then."
Then, one day or two days later, he calls again. My brother, no Brady, and he said, "Brady said he banged you on this bench. Confirm or deny." And I was walking with Drew so she heard and laughed, and I just hung up.
Then when he got home, he went ton Xbox 360 Live and I was downstairs on my dad's computer, 'cause my internet was being incredibly stupid, then he yells out, "Hey, Jess! Brady said he ate you out," and I'm like "Excuse me?!". Then he's like, "Oh shit, she's down here."
And again, Brady was incredibly embarrassed.
And even to this day, it's still going on. There are many, many more I could list, but I've decided not to.
Oh, my friend Royce likes Drew but he's dating this girl named Amy M. and I HATE her. Like, dislike, dislike, dislike. She goes to my brother's school and all my brother does is tell me how annoying she is and how she stinks.
And I've met her, she's both annoying and she stinks.
And I'm like, "Really, Royce? Her? Wow." 'Course I would never say that to him, that's super mean. Even if I really want to, I won't.
Anyways, I gotta go.
Paper Hearts &&Blow Up Dolls.
Byee.
Sex and white lies,
Handcuffs and alibis,
She lays her halo on the pillow where she sleeps...
Her heart beats, red wine,
My toxic valentine.
Lays her halo on her pillow that used to be mine.
Oh, oh.
I live a lifestyle full of first impressions.
I've got my hands full of unhealthy obsessions.
She bites my lip, I'm sure to follow.
We take a drink to the guilty and the hollow.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
November 26 2009
Time: 9:45pm
Music: Toxic Valentine - All Time Low
So, I haven't posted since like, two months ago? Sad, isn't it?
I'm bored.
Byee
She 'aint nothing a girl you've ever seen before,
Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore,
I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl,
Without being disrespectful
October 4 2009
Time: 2:37PM
Mood: ??
Music: Sexy Bitch - David Guetta Ft. Akon
So, last night was fun. It was Brad's party, and my brother was gonna go, but there were n "chicks" there, so he didn't Plus, he was dead tired. So, at 12:52AM the doorbell rings, and I'm like, "Chris, answer the door, it's probably your friends." Aldo, I didn't want to answer it because I had bed head.
And it is. His wasted friends, Brad, Justin, and Brian. Nikko was there, he just wasn't wasted. So I go back to my room, and they go to Strath, then they come back, and Brad comes to my room and says, "Jessica, come downstairs I'm gonna sing karaoke!" Remember, he was wasted.
But, whatever, I go down anyways. Brian's sleeping in the middle of the basement, snoring pretty loudly, Nikko's playing Call of Duty 5, Justin's sleeping on the couch, hugging a pillow, mumbling 'baby' over and over again, Brad's singing some song, sitting on the table, I'm sitting on the table, too, laughing.
My brother kept trying to get them to leave, but they just wouldn't. Brad tried to smuggle my cat in his coat, and some fruits. He ate oatmeal, and tried to smuggle Brian's cat too. He would've gotten away with it, if the tail wasn't dangling from his coat.
My brother freaked, because of something that Brad asked, and I couldn't stop laughing. When they finally left, Brad was half awake and Justin forgot his backpack. I fell asleep a little after that and when I wake up this morning, I'm like "I had a dream that Brad sang karaoke," and my brother says, "That wasn't a dream." So I start laughing all over again.
My brother's friends are funny when they're wasted. I would've hated to be them when they woke up.
Anyways, I'm off.
Ecstasy &&Small Socks
xo.xo
Jess <3<3
Answers are Underlined
1. smoked.
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. Not like, that sleep. Swear to God, I'm straight.
5. kissed someone of the same sex. Madison and Erin, but it was on the cheek. Never lips.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn. I was forced.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.
TOTAL: 6
So far: 6
1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die. Never meant it.
10. seen someone die.
TOTAL: 9
So far: 15
1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. been to rehab
6. dyed your hair.
7. received a ticket.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar
TOTAL: 4
So far: 19
1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.
TOTAL: 6
So far: 25
1. dressed gothic.
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.
TOTAL: 7
So far: 32
1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
9. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.
TOTAL: 8
So far: 40
1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.
TOTAL: 7
So far: 47
1. owned/rented an apartment/house.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10.been verbally harassed.
TOTAL: 4
So far: 51
1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight. I was asleep for most of it.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drank and driven.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. Sat on him, too.
10. cheated on a test.
TOTAL: 11
So far: 62
Grand Total: 62
If you have less than 10, write "I'm a goody-goody"
If you have more than 10, write "I'm still a goody goody"
If you have more than 20, write "I'm average"
If you have more than 30, write "I'm a bad kid"
If you have more than 40, write "I'm a very bad influence"
If you have more than 50, write "I'm a horrible person"
If you have more than 60, write "I should be in jail"
If you have more than 70, write "I should be dead"
:]
