Hey everyone, ( I originally wrote this last week)
First off I want to say thank you for all the birthday wishes that I've gotten on here and Facebook. It was really awesome! I have yet to personally thank most of you but you'll know why in a bit. I just want to say that my birthday was so good. I didn't do anything spectacular like I originally planned but I had a really good time. Me and my friend Yvette went to Ihop and ate there. I had their fresh and fruity combo for free with the coupon I got in my email. She had their new French toast, the dishes was really good, I need to upload the pictures soon. After that we went to FYE (a music store) and looked at stuff. The highlight was finding Papuwa, an anime I have the fondest memories of when I was with my first guinea pig, Road Kill, before he passed. I remember him sitting on my lap while I was laughing my head off watching Papuwa. It's a really funny and strange anime, totally unique. I recommend it if you like those weirdly funny animes.
Now for the reason why I've been completely out of balance in the last few days. My god, my Mother's day was the worst ever. If you guys been around for about a year you'll probably heard a post or two of my dad being a complete dick and/or me freaking out about such. Well... The straw that broke the camel's back finally landed, luckily I wasn't the one that freaked out. It all started (well it started WAY before this but what got the ball rolling) when my dad started to talk crap about my mom and sister while we were taking Yvette home last Friday. Now this isn't new, he's been doing it for as long as I can remember but the fact he did it in front of my good friend, in the passenger seat no less with me in the car just threw me off. I stood up for my sister since he was LYING about her being lazy and not doing anything with her life. I didn't freak out or anything but kindly said "No dad, my sister works hard, goes out and etc, etc." What got me is that he tried to continue the conversation and bashing my family like I was going to wholeheartedly agree or something. It's just disgusting. But anyway, fast forward that Sunday, Mother's day.
So in the last few weeks I have been going to my old childhood church; something rare for me to do especially if have a choice. It started when my neighbor started her shit again and I was so disturbed by it that I needed to leave the house, so I went to church with my family. And I meant to post about this before but one of the people that works at that church just had baby guinea pigs and is giving one to me! Two weeks ago I went to pick mines out and omg she is SOOOO CUTTEEE. When I first saw her I called her "Milkshake" and omg the name just stuck, so there is an 80% chance that's going to be her name once I get her. And today I heard that I might get both the babies since the two seem to love each other so much, so that's exciting and stressful at the same time.
Getting back to what I was saying, even though I didn't want to go to church this past Sunday I decided to go since it was Mother's day. That morning however, my dad pretty much got dressed and left without us. My sister was up and was going to go but my dad didn't let her know at all and my mom never got dressed. I didn't go because I didn't want to go by myself with him. He likes to bash the family for whatever reason when we're not around and I didn't like his energy that morning either.
So that is when me and my sister was talking and concluded that he needs to go. He literally sucks everything out of us. He does nice things, but the things that really counts he has no intention of doing. He doesn't support my mom at all, treats her like dirt. He doesn't think much of my sister and just has this personality switch with him. Every time he hangs out with his friends or whoever, he comes home and has this really nasty attitude. And I'm so fucking tired of it.
So my sister and mother goes out to my cousin's house, the place they usually hang out at after church. And during which (which I heard from both my sister and mother) my dad was bashing my sister right in front of her, my sister didn't say anything and just went upstairs. When she came back down and he was still bashing her, my sister cussed him out and told him he wasn't welcomed at the house anymore. And he haven't came back since he left for church that Sunday.
I'm SO happy that we finally got him out of our lives (or at least the house), the only thing is that we're not in a good position as always. By the time huge blow ups happen, we're on bare bones since my dad decides to stop paying for everything and cry broke. YET he has all the money in the world buying food, alcohol and whatever at my cousin's house. It makes me sick... The kicker too is that my dad attracts users and leechers, and if he isn't getting taken advantage of, he just gives his money away. Then comes home and bashes my mom or the family for not having money. It drives me nuts.
Even though I'm stoked about having my dad out the house, I got so incredibly stressed out that following Monday I had an expressed mini melt down that morning. I've been so good with not stressing out when things go wrong or whatever the case. But it seemed like all the stress of the world suddenly fell onto me that morning and it was the worst I felt in over a year. It was pretty bad, I have so many great things happening, but it's all happening at the worst time it seems. It just felt like all the good I had going for me was getting sucked out like a vacuum because of my parents marriage problems.
It sucks honestly, it really does. If my dad learned how to be a husband instead of an idiot or if my mom kicked him out last year, I don't think this would be happening. But I'm not the wife or the husband and this isn't my problem, it's my parent but me and my sister gets hit with the fallout every time. And that's the thing that makes me angry. But I talked about this long enough.
Right now, my sister is with the church on a 4 day trip (she came home since I wrote this). I'm home with my mom and I'm still stressing about things but they are getting better. I have so much stuff coming up that needs my attention and money but I don't have either which makes things difficult. Like the guinea pig(s) and the new Korean class I'll be joining. I need money to get the guinea pigs started and fare for class but both have been pushed back. So I have time to maybe score some readings because I need them right now haha. I'm basically running on a whole lot of faith... *sigh*
So yeah, the last few days and the days ahead I'll be trying to get my emotional self back into place. It's getting easier with each passing day. I just have to keep positive and not think about my dad and the whole situation. Doing this post helps a lot and anything that keeps me from thinking about it or keeps my brain active and productive. I honestly know that this is just making way for the new and better, it's just the "now" I have to get through. I intend on having a great spring and summer season and I'm keeping that intention, my dad's bullshit isn't going to change anything! So yeah haha...
Right now I'm thinking of all the things I want, need to do and getting back into a more positive mindset. Stressing out never helps anything and I have to remember that I can be happy and not like my current situation at the same time. I know things are just changing and god damn change is so scary sometimes. But if I make it out of this, holy crap who knows where I'll be. I'm looking forward to the future even though I'm scared and worried of what it might hold to get there. I know me and my family can get through anything, we've done it before many times.
Last thing, here is the WIP of my current picture, enjoy!
Thanks for reading guys, love you all!
My Little Ponysona!
Yup, yet another wip but of myself as a pony haha! I'm sorry but seeing the third season of MLP:FIM really got me wanting to make fan ponies again. That and I need to start drawing more since I fell in a slump of not drawing much again. I'm learning to pull through it and just "do it" instead of over analyzing everything I do, especially when it comes to art.
I posted this on my creative blog (you can read more about the sketch itself there) and it was the hardest thing to do because my internet kept going in and out constantly. I normally post on my world and my blog at the same time but last night that wasn't possible. So here I am posting it now. I'm actually done most of the line art. I just have to do the rest of the tail and then go over the line art again to add the line weights.
Besides that, I HAVE A LOT OF ENEGRY. I've been making a point to exercise every morning 5 days a week than every other day (based solely on laziness) because I tend to be really scattered if I don't exercise. So I give myself a break on the weekends from my weekday routine to do whatever, nothing is planned. BIG MISTAKE. This morning I had so much pent up energy, completely ungrounded and I couldn't focus on barely anything. I was trying to learn my vegetables in Korean and my god, my brain was literally in outer space. A complete difference from when I do my routine. The same thing happened last week but I didn't work out for 5 days, but I see that I have to keep working out everyday. Or else I'll be a total and complete mess that can't focus on anything haha! I'm feeling a lot better now so I think I'll work on my art and be focused instead of thinking of the next thing I want and/or can do haha!
Anyway, that was it! Thank you all for looking and reading. Oh yeah before I go, my birthday is in 10 days (May 14th). Holy crap! I'll be turning 24 this year... To be honest, I don't feel that "old" or at least what typical 24 year olds are considered to be. I just feel like "me" with another number slapped on my forehead. Of course I'm wiser than I was the previous year but that's it. And honestly, when I thought more about it a few days ago, it was kinda scary. It's like what the hell is the world is going to toss at me next? The last year wasn't that bad but still, a lot happened... I don't know, I've been changing a lot. I'm getting a lot more confident in myself with all the great things that have been happening and I'm pushing though old limits. I can only assume that I'll reach higher heights since I'm doing a lot more for myself than I ever have before and it feels good. So, we'll see what happens, but I'm positive this will be a very special year for me!
Okay, that was really it. Thanks for reading guys!
Hey everyone, yeah I know it's been almost two months since I had a life update. I'm sorry for that, I guess I needed the time to sort out my feelings, though a lot of good things happened on my time away! The main reason why I haven't updated is because I haven't been drawing as much. I started to pick it back up as you can see in my latest WIP but before then I made a bunch of sketches and then stopped. I was hesitant to draw honestly, and it's a feeling that has been haunting me for a long time. I always felt like I needed to draw perfectly, which is impossible no matter how good a get. That and I'm still in my "draw to post online" mind set so I somewhat draw things that I think people will like, which only has held me back for years really.
Quite frankly, that year or so of my unintended semi-hiatus not only stalemated my progress in drawing but the issues I had in it. So even though I grew a lot in many areas as a person, as an artist, I'm still stuck with the same issues I was dealing with at that time. I always believe that everything happens for a reason and with my improved wisdom about life and what I want to personally do with it, I can better manage the bullshit I still carry as an artist.
One of the biggest issues is that I have to draw (insert whatever), be popular and make money off of my art to be successful. Thinking back, I followed the stream that many artists get caught up in online. Thinking they need to be perfect, draw like so and so, have countless followers to be happy or be validated as an artist or even as a person.
Taking the topic of art out of the spotlight, I learned in recent months that nothing makes me more happy than building something from the ground up. To be so invested in something I want to see that I put meaning in the very thing I'm wanting to create. Whether it's learning Korean (I'll get to that), working on my art, making crafts or tending to my blogs, the intense focus, love and just dedication I have makes me feel rewarded. For once in a very long time I feel like I'm doing everything I can to ensure that I achieve the things I truly want in my life. For years I thought material things and other people's praises was something that meant I got everything I ever wanted, but I was wrong... So wrong.
Once I dug deep in myself and realized I kept myself in a fantasy for around 5 years about what I thought would make me happy, I felt a lot of my world crumble. As well as a powerful reality check and realization of where my true power and success lies in this world. If I want really want something, I have to be willing to focus and take my time with it. I really forgotten how much I enjoyed working towards things in my life. For so long I wanted the faster way, the shortcuts and the perfect processes to take me where I wanted to go. I'm not saying I regret all my choices that I've ever made or I even made the wrong choices, but I now see that the person I really am takes her time with life. I thought that if I have these small petty things that my life would be complete, but I will never be "done" with life. I will always want something else and something more and that's perfectly fine. Trying to skip out on the natural order of things however is not only the surest way to fail over and over again but to feel that you're not good enough when that's a lie too.
Haha, I guess what I'm trying to say is that being an artist started with me and should always end with me. Not just with outside things making me happy but the fact I make myself happy because I AM an artist and I'm always creating. Not trying to get popular, have faultless pictures or some fantasy where everything is perfect. But the fact that I put so much time and effort into what I'm doing that I not only give meaning to it, but life as well.
So with that said, I'm taking a lot of time to practice and get into realism a lot more. I'm still sorting through my deep artist issues but I made good progress since I took a step forward to draw more often. And of course whatever WIPs I have to upload I will post up here as well as my creative blog.
OMG ZENKAI WAS AMAZING! Sorry that I haven't posted about it at all but to sum it all up, everything went great! I went to some panels, saw regular Z-con goers, raved, ate, saw SiSero, hung out with staff members and all kinds of stuff. I took SO MANY cosplay pictures as well, the dealers room had the best lighting ever! The people were so nice and everyone agreed, even though the con was far from it's original location in King of Prussia, it was the best one yet. The hotel it was in was beautiful! Even though I was staffing it felt like I was a con goer with staff benefits. I plan to make a full blog post and post up the many cosplay pictures that I took.
Yup I'm in the process of learning Korean and I'm thoroughly enjoying it! I'm even taking a weekly class in it, the only problem is that my teacher goes too fast. Like seriously, one minute we're on one subject then someone asks a questions and we're down a totally different road. That and he doesn't go over the grammar rules well at all. He just says that it doesn't matter when in fact it does since I don't know why the sentence is the way it is. Even when he does go over it, I be so confused that it nearly doesn't matter. For about a month I was horribly confused and couldn't really get anything, but luckily I found a GREAT Korean grammar book that helped me out so well. It's because of that book I'm getting Korean as well as I am now. Like really, it explains things so perfectly and I love it. I look forward to learning Korean every morning and increasing my skill. Granted I'm still at the very beginning of my journey but I see lots of improvement every day!
Cherry Blossom Festival
Recently I went to my city's cherry blossom festival and I had SUCH A BLAST! Me, my good friend Yvette and my sister all went there together! Me and my friend was on our own when we got there while my sister met up with her friend for the rest of the day. We ate, watched performances and even took random pictures of this cute guy that we saw. I forgotten how awesome it is to have a female friend! XD The highlight of the day was the AWESOME drum performance! And holy cow there were a lot of cute guys in that group. I took so many pictures and videos so that I would never forget it. Also the cherry blossoms where in full bloom so everything looked spectacular! It was a really great day.
Career Change And Everything else
Overall my life has been getting a lot better! I've buckled down to start focusing on my core interests and it's changing me for the better. I feel very satisfied that I'm making the right choices purely for myself and self satisfaction. One of the biggest transformations is changing the focus on my spiritual career. From doing angel readings and guidance to following your dreams and passions. It's something I always loved to talk about and I finally started to move the focus on to that. I made some changes to the blog so that myself and my passion is the main feature instead of angel readings. I still sell them but what I want people to "get" from me is following your dreams, passion and positivity in life. That life is magical and you can achieve as much as you want if you allow yourself to do so.
Before I go I want to thank everyone here for commenting, sending me gifts and just supporting me in whatever I do. I love and appreciate all of you! I want to be more active in my creative life and also be more active in communicating with you all if anything. The time I've been off of here (not really just not posting wips and commenting on stuff) has been healing and eye opening for me so that I can further express myself in better ways! Hopefully it won't be almost two months when I do another life update. See you guys soon, bye!
Just letting everyone know that I won't be here for a few days (like it matter I barely post here like I want too lol) but yeah I'll be off to Zenkaicon once again. I'll take lots of pictures and slap them in my blog for sure. See you guys then! :D
Click on the picture to go to my blog and read my latest update
So this picture came into play after I finally sat down and drew at my favorite spot in the world, my drawing desk. I'm so incredibly rusty at drawing off the computer (and drawing in general) but I'm happy to see this, it's quite cute. I intend to keep drawing at my desk and get in touch with my art once again like I did before!
Beside that, I've been meaning to do a life update here. I'm actually starting to pick things back up in my life and all my blogs. I've just been going through so many changes in the last few months. But I'm still around and I still look at the updates I do get, which are rare I need to get back into TheO and this new crowd of folks lol. Anyway, I'm still alive and kicking!
Till next time!