Welcome to Failtastick Fandoms, where everything's made up and the points don't matter!
This world is dedicated to the ridiculous side of anime, where 15 year old girls are "burdened" with jello-textured double d's, villains sport black feathers, and hair defies all laws of physics. 
I hope that while reading you get a chuckle and stop to appreciate the things that make it all the more enjoyable to have fun otakuing.
During my random manga/anime questing online, I stumbled across this
Any critique I could ever give on this series would not be as accurate and comprehensive as these immortal words by Mr.Carrey:
have fun otaku-ing!
Ever start watching or reading a series only to stop on the first episode/page because a particular character's luscious locks are just so fantabulous that it stuns you into a eternal shampoo commercial coma? Seriously,who hasn't done this at least twice? I thought it might be helpful to give you a visual list of these spectacularly physics defying doos so that you know what too look out for next time you feel like going into a Herbal Essence stupor. I numbered them for your viewing pleasure, I wish I could have put the names right on the pic but sadly there was no room.
1. Amish Homeschooler
2. Oreohead
3. If You Touch my Spikes they Break off Like Icicles.
4. Ran Out of Gel
5. Squirrel Nest
6. Elvis on Viagra
7. I Killed a Porcupine and Stuck it on My Head
8. Doesn't Shower
9. Doesn't Shower Brunette
10. Japanese Spock
11. I Stand Under a Wind Tunnel Every Morning
12. If you Yank My Bangs my Eyes Bulge Out
13. If I Flap My Hair Hard Enough I can Take You to Neverland
14. Woman in a Cheap Man Costume
15. Man in a Cheap Woman Costume
16. I'm to Chicken to Kill a Porcupine so I settled for Stray Cat Roadkill
17. Deflated Wig
18. One Spike Fell Down Over my Face
19. Japanese Snape
20. Hope No One Notices my Hair is Straw
21. Gay Jewish Vampire Hunter
22. I Can Pop 13 Balloons at Once
23. Wanted to be YU-GI-OH but too Cheap for Dye
Hope this helps! Have fun otaku-ing!
and how to get some tail. In the anime/manga world of course. This post is for your benefit so you do not go into this hypothetical dating pool like this:
While anime/manga is, needless to say, lax with sexual morality, you do not want to make the blunder of giving the first impression of being a deranged maniac. Save that for when you meet the family.
1. By no choice of your own, become a half demon or a magical girl or something like that. The trick however, is to want none of this, and instead try to "lead a normal school life" or "focus on the people I love". The hot and very available singles will some racing to your side, ready to "help you through this" and "always be strong for you". You of course, will want none of it. Alas, you are doomed to a life of stalkers, sexy opponents, and endless fanservice.AND THE PROM IS TOMORROW!!!
2. If you are a guy, look like a chick. I mentioned this before in my previous post and you are more than welcome to pick and choose from the 8 bland stereotypes to mold your personality too.
3. If you are a girl, have enormous breasts. What's sexier than sclerosis and silicon poisoning, amiright!?
4. Crossdress. The anime/manga crowd is always all over this. I mean, I don't know about you, but a man's hairy legs poking out of a miniskirt sure gets me excited. And nothing says "come and get it" quite like a girl in unwashed men's overalls. Seriously though, what you need to be is someone who is extremely secure in their sexuality and cross-dresses for a purpose. This can be anything from being close to the one you love to making sure your best friend's hand rolled fudge gets first in the big fudge contest. Whatever the motive, the available hotties will come in hoards. So gender-bend like you are in the Pro-Bending finals.
5. Have a super hot alter ego for your crush to fall in love with. They are basically falling for you. Same difference. Really.
6. Be the most sexist, loud, obnoxious, reckless, and impulsive person on the planet BUT with a heart of gold <3. The love will flow like cheap champagne at senior week. No one can resist a heart of gold. Even if the gold rubs off and and makes your skin green. Also is made in China.
7. Be a computer nerd/hacker. You roll your eyes, sure, but you are thinking about the real world. In the real world, you would hunch over at a screen for hours trying not to go blind from the glare off your thick-rimmed glasses as you anticipate your next finger cramp. In manga/anime, you are a technological wizard-god-dragon who can summon armies of yu-gi-oh style monsters to defeat the Godzilla viruses in Matrix-like battles on a landscape of endless glowing green circuitry! So like Batman meets Gandalf. Better get some rope cause your gonna have one long line in a matter of gigaseconds. Legit.
8. Be the normal person in a group of extraordinary people. Examples: become a wizard but really suck at magic, go to superhero school but have no powers, or be a vampire but prefer tomato juice. This works so much better if you just want to focus on being a good person and care about the ones you love. Be happy, innocent, unassuming, and have no flaws except for being lazy or something like that. Basically, be a piece of toast. Who doesn't love toast?!
9. Be a twin (awww yeeahhhh). Preferably a twin with an evil twin. Or be the evil twin. Whatever as long as there's two of you. Twins rock they are automatically sexy. I, of course, am coming from a completely unbiased standpoint. :) . . . Seriously though, twins are super special awesome you want to date one.
And that concludes my list! I hope now you would feel prepared going into the anime/manga dating pool. Please feel free to add any additional ways to get a anime/manga date in the comments section.
As always, have fun otaku-ing!
LLLLLLLllllllladies.
"Chicks like dudes who look like chicks."
Words of wisdom from a director I once had. I think this is especially true in anime, where rose-fondling bishies prance around pastel colored landscapes as sakura blossoms blow in the breeze. And the girls go wild. I could spend this post theorizing over why this is, but I'm honestly completely at a loss. Maybe we are all secretly lesbians, who knows? In any case, She-males are here to stay, so I thought it would be helpful to give you guys a list of typical bishies in anime/manga, so you knew your options. I'll be using the picture above for reference. You lucky ducks.
TYPICAL BISHIE TYPES IN ANIME/MANGA
1. The Surprise (Above Pic: Front and Center with the L'oreal hair)
You can watch an entire anime series/read the whole manga thinking this character is a female, only to later be shocked and amazed when you research the series on wikipedia and discover the opposite. These types are defined by feminine clothing and hairstyle and tend to "tee hee" a lot when they laugh. Sometimes even the other characters don't know the real gender. Sometimes the surprises themselves don't know. Super Surprise! Tee hee!
2. The I'm Trying so Hard Not to be Gay Right Now (Pic: Front and Second from the right with the half-ponytail)
The unfortunate one who everyone is secretly rooting for, but gets pushed aside for the obnoxiously cute schoolgirl. They may even give him a female love interest to throw you off, but in the end you know the bromance was always meant to be.
3. The "Nerd" (Front and far right with glasses)
Or rather, Calvin Klein's underwear model brand of nerd. The smart and usually sensitive one, although this type can also take the "evil genius" twist. He's whatever you want him to be, because he's an underwear nerd.
4. The I Would Be a Girl but I Have a Penis( Front, second from the left and blonde)
He's the damsel in distress of the series. The sweet little innocent "save me" girl but without the boobs. Usually gets allotted into the main character slot because D'AWWWWWWWW! he's just too cute. Put him on Animal Planet already! ]
5. The Rival (Front , far left and blue/white hair)
This guy says "Oh yeah, I'm gonna whoop your ass, Potter!", but we know that deep down he's a good person who will inevitably join forces with the hero to fight for the greater good, which can be anything from beating the demon king to getting laid. Depends on your priorities. Or at least, that's what we wish would happen. A lot of times this type continues to be the eternal prick. Smexy.
6. The Pirate (Back, far left and pirate hair)
The reckless endangerment advocate of our little bishie boy band. Usually fills the comic relief/womanizer/alcoholic role and never fails to get the hero into terrible trouble. Adventure is always calling his name. AARRRRRR!
7. The Bestie (Back, center and blonde)
Older, usually the mentor. Mature and most often the Mr. Bingly to the Mr.Darcy, the Ron to the Harry, the Sam to the Frodo etc of the series. He is almost good enough to be the hero, and may even get his own story line here and there, but never quite makes the cut. He lacks a certain something, which brings us to. . .
8. The "Heathcliffe" (back right and brunette)
The whole plot focuses on him, and he spends a good amount of time brooding about it. Why? Because in addition to liking guys who look like girls, females tend to like a project. Something we can fix. And what better than a world weary hero who has a dark side, but a good heart underneath it all? It's all worth it for that one smile. Unlike real life, this can work in the world of anime, which is why I think we have so many she-male heroes with whiny dispositions. This is prime boyfriend material, ladies. Get in line.
And there you have it: your basic dating options in the world of effeminate bishounen. I could have gone into more specifics, but then we would have to cover the extensive world of "The One With the Most Stupid Hairstyle", "The One Who Isn't Much Good at Anything But Still Smoking Hot", "The One With a Thing for His Sister" etc. I don't have all night. Perhaps some other time. Until then, I hope you enjoyed the article and feel a bit more prepared to
have fun otaku-ing! :)
I came across this masterpiece of graphic art. . .
and that was pretty much my reaction.
Sorry it's so small! Haha no innuendo intended, I swear.
Have fun otaku-ing!
