I don't usually post stuff like this, but I need to do some blogging therapy. Now.
To the people I owe drawings, I'm sorry they aren't up by now. I started them for real (as opposed to all the false starts and scrapping), but for some reason, I just can't make myself pick up that pencil/stylus now.
I guess it's because I see all these artists that are more skilled and/or more loved than I am here on theO. I've been an Otakuite for nearly five years, and I hardly see any improvement in my art. I'm not an amazing artist, so I have no chance of being recognized. That's made me want to post art even less, which is very counterproductive.
I feel like I'm not doing enough. There have been people that have only been on theO for a short while, and they're running circles around me and rubbing shoulders with legendary members. Even when I try my hardest, few people give me the time of day.
I subscribe and comment when I can, but I feel like, more often than not, it isn't reciprocated. Sometimes I'm outright ignored. I don't know if I'm annoying or pushy or what.
I sound like such a brat right now. I apologize for that. It's just that I'm very depressed because I'm under-employed, running out of medication, shut in my apartment for most of the time, and steadily gaining weight. Realistically speaking, there ain't no way I'm losing 40 pounds in 3.5 months when Anime Central rolls around. Goodbye, cosplay.
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm cursed, because I'm an artist, but not a great artist. Only great artists succeed. Anyone else is just tossed aside. I'd be OK with this if it weren't for the fact that I can't do much else besides artistic endeavors. (Just so you know, I'm taking about more than just visual art-- I'm not a good enough musician either).
Man, this is such a disjointed post.
To summarize, I'm in a vicious cycle and a downward spiral. I just can't win with me.
Why am I even posting this? I'm just opening myself up for attacks.
