Argueing with myself

The pain is getting harder to bear, its getting harder to fight myself.

maybe you should just kill yourself Never. i promised i wouldn't
promises are meant to be broken Not this one
its not like anyone will miss you That's a lie!
you've always been invisible anyway SHUT UP!

The persuasions and insults continue,

why don't you though? Because
you fuck everything up anyway Didn't I say shut up?
its better than drinking How!?
you don't even cut! Isn't that a good thing?

Options are given,

I'd rather we die differently Like how?
bleeding to death sounds fun No.
c'mon! its better than alcohol poisoning I've been sober for a while now. thank you.
like that's going to last! Please? just one cut?

Questions are asked,

How long?
How long for what? Until you stop.
Never.

How long? Until what?
Until you give in? Who knows.

The worse I get, the more tears come. The more tears come, the more i feel like giving in. I'm still asking myself...

How long?

Hateful Love

I hate the way i love you,
in every damn way.
I hate how even if it's absurd
I'll listen to what you have to say
I hate how i care,
and love it when you hold me.
I hate how i'm always happy,
especially when you kiss me.

Although i actually love the things you do,
you're to far away for me to tell you
and so…

I pretend to love him,
in every damn way.
Even if it's absurd,
I listen to what he has to say
I pretend to care,
and like it when he holds me.
I pretend to be happy,
even when he kisses me.

I'll flirt with him and say what i like,
because i know he doesn't care.
Just like i don't,
because it's not you who's there.

if i wanted to die...

If I truly wanted to die,
it wouldn't have been for one reason alone.
If I truly wanted to die,
it wouldn't be because of one person
If I truly wanted to die,
lets face it, I would have done it already.

But I don't want to die,
because I'd miss the music
I don't want to die,
because i'd have to let go
I don't want to die,
because I'd have to feel a worse pain

I don't want to die,
because... I love you.

Death

Life was growing bleak
I knew it was time
It was something I couldn’t defeat
I’d soon lose this life of mine
It came slowly, closer, and closer
Now finally peace, finally rest, and finally… death.