I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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Where Else to Find ME | Anime/Maga List | Non-Anime TV Shows | The Men in My Harem
I had so much fun in Chicago this weekend. You have no idea. It was definitely an experience I will never forget and I am so glad I spent the money to go! Everyone's been asking me how it went, so I decided to create a timeline.
Thursday
We left around 8 and drove 8 hours to Chicago. It was long and pretty much uneventful. Coming into Illinois, there are tolls, which I have never encountered in my life or heard of. So that was an experience. We missed the first toll, so we had to go online and pay it off. I'm not sure I like the idea of a toll. I get it probably goes towards maintaining the roads and such, but we had to pay 5 different tolls. The highest toll was $3.60, the cheapest being $1.50. And if you don't have cash, you have to do it online and hope you remember what tolls you passed through. It was a nuisance. But when we left home, we had a cool, foggy sunrise!
Friday
We got to sleep in a bit and then headed over to the Adler Planetarium, which was pretty neat. The outside was beautiful because it's right on the water, so you get to look out at the city a bit.
And they had all the members of the Chinese Zodiac out front, too.
We went to a show about Undiscovered Planets that was really interesting and entertaining about how they are finding new planets out in other galaxies. They use these telescopes that find stars like our sun in other galaxies and then just keep the telescope on that sun and document all the dips in starlight, which happen when a planet moves in front of it, revolving around that sun. And using the info from the star light dips, they can tell how big it is and the density and what it might be made of. How neat is that!?
We even got to look at the sun and some sun spots through a special telescope. Fun!
From there, we headed to Willis Tower, or the old Sears Tower, and made our way to the skydeck 103 stories up and stepped out onto the ledge and took a bunch of pictures.
Here's a pic my brother took of me on the ledge. I thought it was great.
Then we headed over to Navy Pier and took a cruise around the water front at all the different architectural masterpieces the city has to offer. It got kind of cold at the end of the trip, but it was a fun experience.
Then we were gonna go to the House of Blues, but the traffic was so bad getting back to the hotel, that we didn't have time to change and then make it for our reservations. So we decided to go to an improv comedy club. It was great! They were so hilarious. I think it was called ComedySPortz or something like that. Great time.
Saturday
We finally got to go to the convention!! We went to Mark Sheppard's panel first. He was pretty fun. I wasn't able to get too many good shots of him, unfortunately. But i was two feet away from him at several points in the panel because he came and walked around in the audience, which I thought was really nice of him! We had some time to kill after that, so we bought a couple nicknacks and went to my first photo op with Richard Speight Jr.
He was pretty fun. Then we went to another panel. Richard Speight Jr, Matt Cohen (So hott), and Rob Benedict. They were a fun group put together. All really funny.
Then was Misha Collins. This guy. I could ramble on and on and on about this guy. He is so genuinely nice. To everyone. Several people told him how much of an inspiration he is to people and how so many people look up to him, and he just buried his hands in his face in embarrassment. And because he is becoming aware of just how popular and loved he really is, he's using it to help charities. IT's just so amazing to me. The whole cast, to me, is super down to earth and humble. And I think that's hard to find with actors in popular shows.
Misha's panel was hilarious because the first question was asking him if he could do a whole response without using 'um' or any filler words/sounds. And he never realized until then how often he says um. It was hilarious the whole time.
Then we got to do Misha's Photo op. I was so nervous. I don't remember looking at the camera. Thankfully, I did. He hugged me. He. Hugged. Me.
Then we ate at the hotel and waited for the picture to develop before we left for the night. The hotel, I must add was so huge! It was definitely the fanciest hotel I had ever been in. Sad we couldn't afford to stay there!
Sunday
We had to be at the convention early on sunday because Jensen's photo op was right away. Gosh, I forgot who I was, how to talk, everything. Thankfully, I was able to be polite with him and was again looking at the camera. I felt like a noodle. It was great.
Look at that sexy bastard. Mmf.
Then we went to Collin Ford's panel and waited for Jared and Jensen's panel, which was fun and interesting, I think. They are just a great couple of guys. Ugh. I cannot stress that enough. We got to do a little shopping Sunday, too. And when I say shopping, I mean, we walked around a mall and didn't buy anything because everything was so freaking expensive. IT was terrible.
Monday
We got up at 6 and started for home. Pretty uneventful trip back.
I had an amazing trip. I am so freaking excited I went. Now, I just have to figure out which item on my bucket list I can cross off next. Probably my tattoo that I want. I am getting it before the first of the year. I guarantee this. It's happening.
I'm so excited, you guys! I'm leaving for the supernatural convention in Chicago in 4 days! Just me and my brother road tripping 9 hours to see Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles. No big deal.
We're leaving Thursday and coming back on Monday.
Then November 2, I'm going up to Minneapolis, Minnesota for a business trip! My bank is sending me and my supervisor for an all expenses paid three day trip to do some training. I am super excited. We are staying in a fancy fucking hotel that is over $200 a night. It's the top suit you can get at a hotel. King size bed and everything with a nice city view. I'm pumped.
Work has been super taxing at the bank lately because they are giving me so many new responsibilities that they are not giving to anyone else. Not sure why I keep getting the short end of the stick there, but it's only going to benefit me. Once I get comfortable with all the new things they're teaching me, I'll be able to apply for a coordinator position in no time. Which would be fantastic. But that's probably a ways down the line.
I'm trying to get all my music and pictures changed over from my old computer to my new one. I have a shit ton of music, so the process is slow going. But I am having a problem with downloading things onto my new computer because it says my windows isn't genuine, and every time I go to validate it, it won't do it. So that's fun.
Tried my first omelet the other day. It was decent. No great. No terrible. Just meh. Next on my list is a waffle.
I got my belly button pierced!!
I love it so much! I thought I was going to be iffy about it because I don't have the ideal stomach I wanted for one, but I absolutely love it. No regrets. It hardly hurts at all. So I'm hoping that's a good sign that it'll heal quickly.
In other news, went shopping today! I got so much stuff!
2 new pairs of skinny jeans
10 shirts
3 pairs of shoes
1 pair of yoga pants
1 new hand crafted necklace from Mexico
3 books
1 new pair of dress slacks
6 new panties
2 new bras
All for about $150.00
Damn, I'm a great bargain shopper.
And I got my nails done.
I've spent a lot of money today and yesterday, but I love everything I got. So excited!
Hope you guys have had a nice weekend so far, too!
I am so lost. So confused about my own feelings. My own wants and desires. I have never felt so utterly confused.
I go through cycles, as you have seen, where I’m pro Joe and then that I’m ready to give him up and move on. But it’s like he knows when I’m pulling back and does or says something to reel me back in, and I just don’t know how to quit him. He’s the love of my life, regardless of how shitty he’s treated me in the past.
I was so ready to move on from him this time. Heck, this was the most confident I have felt that I could do it. And then I went over to his place to help him work through some depressional thoughts, and he caught me again.
He asked if my tweets on twitter were aimed at him, and a good majority are. They are usually retweets of poems and quotes of one sided feelings or about how I feel like I’m fading from his life or something like that. Basically sad stuff. I told him that yes, some of them were. And he got all quiet and just held me in his arms. And he asked why I was even there then. And I told him it was because I still loved him and that I wanted to stay in his life. And he was quiet for so long and I had to prompt him to finally speak. He asked me what I wanted him to say, and I told him, I wanted to know how he felt about me.
He told me he loved me. With such certainty and as though I should have known that and not questioned it. I almost started crying. It had been months since he had told me that. It was such a relief, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders to hear it. He continued to tell me he loved me all the time, and that he thought about me all the time, but him loving me doesn’t matter. But it matters to me. So much. But apparently, that doesn’t change our relationship because he doesn’t love himself. Hell, he doesn’t even like himself. And he can’t be with me until that changes.
But I don’t think it ever will.
And I just don’t know what to do. He told me the words I had been waiting to hear for months and months and months. How can I leave a person who loves me so much that he’s doing the right thing and won’t be in a relationship with me because he knows it’s unhealthy to put me through a relationship with someone who hates themselves. But I also realize that he’s still putting me in an unhealthy place by ignoring me all the time and then once every six months opens up about how he really feels and only ever texting me if he wants sex or needs something.
So now I feel stuck. Lost. Confused.
How can I leave someone who loves me and needs me?
Wow, guys, it has been such a long time since I've updated you all on the comings and goings of me and everything. So much as happened and yet nothing really has happened at the same time...
First things first, remember me talking about how shitty my apartment is? Guess who found a new apartment in the high end of town!! Me! My new apartment is on a golf course. In one of the best parts of the city, too. Can't move in until November, but better than nothing!
Second, nothing else is really all that new. I work. All the time. Had my first day off on Saturday for the first time in over a month, so there's that. And the waitressing job seems to be going ok. I've only been there a month and I already bought a new 51 inch tv. I have enough saved up for a brand new, nice laptop and a nice, new couch. Working on money to help for the move, buying a new bookcase maybe, and a I need some new clothes and such. Then it's all going towards my car. I've almost made $1000 in tips alone in a month. At this rate, I can get my car paid off in less than a year!
The only downside of the waitressing job is that the guys there won't leave me alone. Two of them are all over me all the time. Way too friendly. Always asking me out and making sexual jokes around me. Both have asked me out. I've said no. Doesn't stop them. They'd be okay if they didn't constantly talk about my wide hips, big ass, or how thick I am and how they like bigger women. I mean, I'm not fat. Just a couple founds overweight. And I have had huge body image issues in the past, and them saying all this just brings it all back. I've worked for over 2 years to be okay with my body, and they're just ruining all progress. I hardly eat because I don't have the time, but I'm starting to go back to purposefully starving myself sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. It's not healthy at all, and I wish I didn't do this to myself. I'm hoping once things slow down a bit, this won't be an issue.
My mom is coming up to spend the weekend with me this week. I've lived up here for 4 years. She has never come up here by herself so it's just the two of us. Needless to say, I am excited!
Things with Joe are same old same old. It's weird seeing him at work again now when we hardly talk to each other. I was so set on cutting him out of my life when he had ignored all communication from me in over two weeks, but then he tells me his dad is dying from hard problems. And I'd feel like a giant bag of dicks if I stuck to my guns now! So that's frustrating.
There is one guy from my waitressing job I like. And I want him to ask me out, but I don't know if he feels the same way. He's friendly with everyone, so I can't tell. :/
What's been new with you guys? How's school? life? love? work?
