Last night I was informed my Mom has passed away. She was strong person, but multiple sclerosis finally got her. Her lungs gave out and stopped breathing. I had a chance to talk with her about summer job and Chris before she died. I knew this was coming eventually but it couldn't stop my tears, I couldn't sleep well. She will always remain in my heart and mind. It's still hard to believe she is gone. She fought this disease and did all she could but ended up, there was nothing that could be done. Now, she is at a place where she won't suffer. She will be greatly missed by me, and my family.
Now, I am unsure what I want to do at the moment. I don't feel like doing anything at all. I have had a hard year as far as deaths. Our family Cat died, Aunt died, Our Dad's friend lost a Dog and Cat and now My Mom is gone. It's all so much at once. Even now tears won't stop, its still so fresh.
I know there must be something beyond this world. Its just I miss her in this world. I knew she was going to do this way but had no power to change her fate. Sad fact is we are all on borrowed time, and nothing is 100% for sure. So I am thankful for all time given with her.
I will hope and mediate on it. That I will have peace but this week, I am unsure how to carry on. Thanks for listening.
So how have you all been theotaku chat was fun. It helped me get over some of my sadness. Yesterday, I found out the girl, I really cared for and we cared about each other for months got some other guy to be her BF. I feel, she betrayed us. and she said she did it because I wasn't always there and online, etc. But frankly, the fact I found out through his Stickam profile makes me sick. She didn't say she felt anything was wrong. She assumed I didn't care after me spend months and months together like that. I can never Love her or even give my heart to her again. I did a super great picture of us. Now I can't bear to finish it, it brings the pain up in my heart. She said "I'm sorry" over and over and we can be friends. That didn't really help. I can I not be hurt when someone doesn't even take into account the guy who loved her. Even if there relationship dies out, I can never try to be with her. What she did, I can never love her the way I did. I'm movin' on to a girl, who will treat me right. The thing that pains me was my two friends were right on the situation. They told me she was an attention grabber, needs to grow up, Needy. I didn't want to believe this. But what they said was true in many ways. She acted childish in not thinking how I would feel when she did what she did. She said because I wasn't always on Aim, she had no one there for her all the time (Clingy. She used that I didn't kiss her every time I logged off as another excuse. I told her at the time I was goin through a phobia too, must have slipped her mind.
But to make matters worse my Mama is in hospital since Sunday, for a bit too. I pray for her to come home soon. She is a bit sick again, but I think she'll be back in a few days. I hope. My Mom, should be fine.
Some stuff was cleaned from her lungs luckily.
Theotaku chat was fun tho, the happiness in that helped me heal but even in bed last night I couldn't shake the feeling. If it wasn't for my L detective skills, she'd of probably led me on and never tell me about Luis. God, she threw about 2/3 a year of relationship over a few weeks. What a waste. And now, I don't think I can ever want her back if this relationship sinks she's in now. How I found out I wouldn't wish on my own enemy. Her only excuse was assumption. Great throw away almost a years worth of love and you destroy over assumption. I wasn't the one with Trust issues. She was. and even if she wanted to break up, why'd she fling herself at Luis. She says excuses but I think she planned this all along. and she don't want me to tell friends cuz it may make her look bad in their eyes. No Matter how yu slice it. It looks bad she didn't tell me jack, and I felt stabbed over and over and hit by a car's tread. My heartaches. and I dunno, If i can even be her friend after this. Seeing her makes me hurt I may unsubscribe her on YT. I don't think I can watch her videos or be kind with her after this. The guy who did it apologized but it felt cut and paste. I hope she's happy she had her one chance with a nice guy. Hope, she loves her jerk artificial BF. She said when I said it she should've asked me to be BF, but felt I wasn't ready. WTF! She is thinkin shit like behind my back, why would yu tell me you LOVE ME, and not want to be with me. That makes no sense at ALL.
