THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Lost, and on Hiatus

Two days ago, I lost my mother. Cancer was too much. Chemo wasn't enough. I understand I haven't done much as far as drawing or photography lately, but I HAD planned to start up again...and now I'm planning to just...take a break from trying to be creative with a pen/pencil or camera. I don't even have much inspiration to write my fanfictions right now. I will be in a period of mourning. Please be understanding. Thank you in advance.

Brief Update: My heart hurts.

I'm here with my mom. She's dying. It's slow, and I'm upset, but I'm trying to stay strong. This is true heartbreak.

Another Hiatus

Yeah, I know. Nobody reads these anymore. No one really cares about what's happening in my life these days, but I'm going to post it anyway because maybe it'll help me feel better.

So, yes, I have an amazing relationship, I love my boyfriend's kids and am exceedingly happy to be a part of their lives...but some darker things have been happening. Last year, around the end of August, my mom had a radical hysterectomy to remove a cancerous mass in her cervix. However, this is now the third time the cancer itself has come back. She already did radiation therapy, and is now in chemotherapy, but it isn't looking great. She's gone from being a healthy 135 lbs, to now being 100 lbs. She is starting to look very near to skin and bone. Today is the first time I've seen photos of her since she had first started radiation and chemo, and when I saw how she looked, my heart broke.

My mom is my #1 best friend, and knowing that there's a chance I might lose her terrifies me. I love my mom very much.

Because of this situation, I'm going to be taking yet another hiatus from art. I don't have the inspiration to draw, let alone think straight. Things are too much right now. Again, I'm sure no one actually gives a rats ass about any of this, no one really looks at my art anymore either, but...it helps to get it out a little bit instead of holding it in until I explode.

Sorry.

Sort of Back (?)

Well, my fellow TheO goers...

This is my first update in a looooong time, and honestly, I'm a thousand times happier than I've ever been.

The biggest news and change that I can report is this: I've moved out of Utah to live with the love of my life, and start out fresh. I stopped looking for love, and love happened to find me. He's smart, he's sweet, he's loyal...he treats me like a queen. He loves cats, just like me, he's 3 years older than me (approximately--he says 2 and a half), he's tall, he's handsome...and he has two kids.

Many might see that last part as a down side, but me? I see it as a wonderful opportunity. I'm lucky enough to have someone who is willing to allow me to be a part of such a wonderful gift. I lost my babies. But this amazing man, whose talent and kindness know no bounds, is allowing me to be a part of the biggest part of his life. And I couldn't be more grateful for such an honor.

I no longer speak with the majority of the people I used to. These are people who claimed to be friends, but they've since shown me their true colors, and I've happily washed my hands of the fake ones. The one I used to refer to as Yuki is one of those people. Though he played a huge part in my life for a long time, and thanks to him, I now have found the path I was supposed to take all along (and it didn't include him remaining as part of my life), and am with someone who is truly in love with me just as much as I am with them. For that, I am thankful to him. But I see no reason to keep in touch, just as I now know I don't need the one who used to claim to be my "best friend." It's okay to let people go when they don't play a positive role in your life...even if it means losing people you loved in the process.

I did also witness the split up between my mother and stepfather, but that's okay,
too. They are just in different places of their lives, and I know they'll both be okay, and that I still have their love and support, just as they have mine. It's been a rough time, but it's also been wonderful in so many ways.

I still draw, I just haven't really had the time to update my art portfolio on here yet. I promise that once I do have time, I will.

I'm also going to do my best to update more often here, since I'm in a better place of mind now. :3

~A~

Sorry!!

To begin with, I deeply and sincerely apologize to those who participated in my challenge; I know I haven't selected winners or done the rewards, but I promise that I will. I'm currently going through a really tough time with things, and since I'm in the process of moving to a new home that won't have internet for a little while, getting on here has been and will be difficult.
I've also been dealing with trying to get out of a bad state of mind. For those comfortable enough, I will type what happened in a spoiler text form. Be warned, it isn't the most pleasant, but I feel some explanation is in order, and I would rather people know the honest reason as to why I have been so absent.

During December, I spent some time making very important amends with people, and I had thoroughly believed things were going well, but unfortunately, on New Years Day, things took a turn for the worse. I felt very hurt and betrayed by some people, and while I now know the reason for the events...at that time, I was inconsolable. After being clean from self harm for quite a long while, I relapsed, and even considered suicide.

So, needless to say, I've still been pretty down in the dumps, and I'm slowly trying to make a recovery into positivity. Honestly, it will probably take a while before I'm completely out of this dark place, but I am trying, and while I'm trying to climb back out of it and into the light, I ask that people be as patient as possible with me. I can honestly swear that once I'm back in a stable state of mind, I will be back on track with everything and will start working on rewards for the winners of the contest.

Until then, please bear with me. And thank you all for not pressuring me. I appreciate that more than anyone can possibly know.

~A~