THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Gomennasai, but...

I won't be posting her for a little, or at least if I do, I'm not going to be my usual chipper self...

Currently, I am actually in the process of trying to stop crying. I'm in mourning right now for the loss of a beloved pet...and I don't know how else to cope with it.
It's an empty feeling, and it kind of hurts a ton...

I'm not used to this kind of thing, and when a vet tells you, "He's in bad shape but if we give him this we may have hope as long as he makes it through the night."....well, the minute the pet passes, everything just comes crashing down. That hope you had is gone, and your heart plummets into your stomach, and I know that now because I felt it happen the minute I stepped out of my room and saw my mother cradling his lifeless body...
I'm truthfully destroyed by this right now...
He wasn't JUST a pet to me, he was like a little brother, and I love him very very much, so seeing him lifeless...I don't even want to believe it. How still he is. How blank his stare has become. How he isn't breathing.
I want to believe he'll be back and perfectly fine when I wake up later today. That he was just taking a really long, creepy nap. And, that he's just messing with us.

How am I supposed to walk into this house and look in the direction of the area he used to be sitting, waiting for me with one of his toys? How am I supposed to feel when I knock on the door, and he's not going off as if there's some intruder? What am I supposed to think of the silence? The absence of his presence?

Thus, my friends, I will be feeling this way for quite some time. Eight years doesn't just go away, and I'm certainly never going to forget the impact he had on my life.
I just wish I could have said goodbye.

MY BG...

hello everyone! Okay, just to clarify, the piccy of the girl in the background...that...is me. LOL!!!! yes. me. HAH!!! isn't it just SO amazing? I look awful, I hate my face with a passion. Haha, but I thought, "What the hell, I'll let my friends see what I look like." Also...I'm a little upset. My girlfriend is leaving for California again. Leaving me behind. I loved her a lot, and I'm losing her, along with the guy I love still...so...yeah. Anyway...
~TsUmI~

P.S. I have a facebook if anyone wants to see it, my name is Rinri Okami on there, just send a request and message letting me know its you. ^^

Dumped off

Hey, everyone...emo trippy me is back. I got dumped by the love of my life recently, and ever since, I've been really fucked up. All emo trippy confused and pissed. I've been cutting my right wrist ever since, cause I hate living right now...my fucking theme song is probably "Never There" by Cake. It fits my ex. I'm pissed off, too, cause my friend asked out a guy I broke up with cuz it felt like incest. She asked him out acting like she was me. So now I'm dating him again, and I don't want to be, but I don't want to hurt his feelings, either. I still love my more recent ex SO MUCH. And I'm dating my ex-girlfriend again, who is dating my recent ex. So I'm really tripped out. I don't know what to do anymore. I hardly eat, I've been cutting, I cry a lot, and I wish for death a lot now. I want him back. He was my life...he was the only thing that kept me going and kept me happy. Now I'm dead. His theme song is officially "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benetar. Ya. Well...bye for now, or maybe ever.
~TsUmI~

Screw it.

Take a pen and stick it through your chest a thousand times, and you'll know how much I hurt right now. I was fine with the fact that Kyo rejected me. He "with all due respect" declined to go out with me, because there's so many girl problems right now. I was fine with that. But the fact that he needed my best friend to say it to me...THAT hurt me. I spent half of my lunch hour not eating the rest of my ramen noodles, but crying my eyes out because I STILL miss my great aunt and because I feel so hurt by him not having the courage to say no to my face. So I'm now sitting in my Multimedia II class wanting to cry again cuz I don't think I got it all out. And I'm wearing my friend Kevin's jacket cause Kuro completely forgot that he was going to loan me his jacket. And he's never there for me when I need him most. I'm not over him AT ALL...I still love him so much...and I wish he would get those feelings for me back. He told me the reason he wanted me to kiss him was because he thought if he kissed me he could figure out if he wanted to be with me, you know...to see if he liked me the same way, cause he felt like he did. And I wish I could get him to love me again...

Regrets...

Tsumi did something bad on Sunday. She is regretting it at the same time that she treasures it. That guy she likes who texts her nice stuff and also dirty stuff sometimes...Tsumi and him cybered. For those of you who are young and don't know what that means, nevermind it, and forget you ever read this. It was a very...intense and detailed text cyber. I'm sort of giddy that he chose to text me that way and not someone else, but I'm also regretting doing that because now I feel like I'm nothing but a toy. Some kind of whore toy for men. And not only that, but I'm afraid to face him now. I can't stand being this way! He's so...tempting. All the time. And somehow, I'm able to tempt him easily. I don't want to tell him how this is making me feel because I am afraid he might not like me anymore or he'll say I ruined the moment or something. I don't like hearing those things...that is why I wrote that song. Also because I want to be with him. I want to shove my face onto his chest and cry, and I want him to hold me close and never let me go. But it won't ever happen. And so when I think of him, my heart hurts, and I want to cry away all the pain. These are the exact words I said to my friend when we were typing to one another about what hurts us right now. But anyway...please don't think of me spitefully. If you want to call me a whore or a slut, go ahead and do it. It won't effect me in any way, because, I know it is true.
~Tsumi~