Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
End of Hypnosis5 (Standing to Defend You)
Once upon a time, when I thought I was dying of hollowness it was Shonen manga that saved me. I got lost in the world of growing stronger and striving for your dreams like a child all over again. But soon (but luckily not too soon) I saw a flaw in the formula. Every hero gets stronger when fighting for someone else's sake. I was already done with that. I thought. There was no one I could find that I wanted to protect. Certainly there were many who were worth protecting, but none more important than myself. I had already seen the uselessness and disappointment that comes from living for someone else. And so I resolved to be stronger for my own sake, to stand up alone with need of no one else. Because standing on my own has always been my greatest pride.
Earthquakes are scary things. The time there was a fairly large one here about a year and a half ago I was alone. Asleep. (It was 5am!) I screamed. A lot. And wanted to go home. But I didn't call anyone and say so, no matter how badly I wanted to. I remember a really small one that came in the middle of the night (around 2:30) my first year vividly too. Not because it woke me up, because it woke my "wifey" up and she got scared and called me. When the big one hit last month I was at school. I felt kind of sick, but there wasn't time to think about being scared. There were kids with me, I had to be brave for them. Of course, I didn't consciously decide that. It just happened. I like it better that way. Somehow I can think more clearly if I'm worrying about calming someone else down instead of myself.
It's always been curious to me the way certain parts of my personality come out reflexively in reaction to others. There was this girl I used to hate (or rather, there used to be this girl that I hated, I haven't stopped, she just moved away.) and when she would say dramatic things attempting to excite or upset me I would become more and more logical and flat as the conversation went on. Without evening meaning to. It just happened. I know there's always been a part of me that wants to protect someone else, it used to be my little brother, or my mom, or sometimes even my dad. Then it was Nichole for a looong time, and then most recently "Oberi-kun" & "Bakura-chan". But they're grown up (and I've abandoned them to look out for number one anyway) and I thought things were better that way.
But maybe not...
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
Everything Relating to the Crumbling World
I'm not sure if anyone on here knows, or is even reading this to realize, but I'm a teacher in Japan. That being said, please don't worry. I'm fine. Shizuoka, where I live, is far enough south that we felt the earthquake, but had little to no damage. We were under a tsunami warning for about 36 hours but the water only rose about a meter on our coastline and in the rivers in town.
For the non-otaku that might still read this blog, I appreciate everyone's concern thank you so much for all you've said. I heard from many people who I haven't in a few years and even got an offer to fly me back to the US from my "niisan". It's nice to have people thinking of me. If anyone would like to help the rescue/relief efforts over here I recommend donating to an established charity such as the Red Cross, not buying something from a celebrity or special interest group.
That being said....all of this is amazingly hard to write. I keep looking out my window and seeing the city, same as always, and then glancing slightly left at the TV full of scenes of destruction. It's too surreal to comprehend. I think I'm still a bit shellshocked. I keep getting sick to my stomach out of nowhere.
When the world falls apart, it seems to all happen at once for some reason...it's the end of the school term and I'm ridiculously stressed, people back home are having major life problems that I feel guilty about not being there for, my "big brother" is moving away, and my "girlfriend" is most likely mad at me b/c she's not really speaking to me. I expect it's something I said that was misinterpreted b/c I can be pretty blunt and uncaring when I'm stressed out. Oh, yeah, and there's good possibility of another large earthquake.
I don't want to think about anything....but that's never an option, is it? I can't stop anyway....
I suppose the advantage(?) here is that overwhelming bouts of emotion tend to make me more artistic so I'm likely to not only make my deadline (tomorrow!) for the last 3 drawings I need to do before break, but also do a pretty good job on them....
Never look away - not from nightmares or the truth
Shaken
Something's different...I don't really know why or how, but things are so much easier this winter. It might be that I'm used to it, or it might be that it 's actually warmer, but it's not bothering me nearly as much as it has in the past. It seems to be going by much faster too, but I think I know why that is...thanks to which I've lost my train of thought for this post...
...and no matter how many days go by it looks like I'm not getting it back either, might as well just let it go....I feel like I may be getting feverish again, or it may just be the usual kind of crazy that's making my mind jump all over the place...
...it might have been something about having fun...the phrase, "I am no longer interested in unhappiness," keeps jumping back out at me, but as if I've cast a spell on myself again I believe it less now than when I thought of it...
...had a nice grip on my life till you twisted my arm...
The Gluttony
I finally did it. I posted all (well, most of anyway...) the pictures from 冬コミ. Probably shouldn't have spent two whole nights on it, but...oh well. I split them up into a few different posts so it would be easier to understand. If you're a Hetalia fan and you're looking for the yaoi photos that ought to be here (thank you!) just ask me and I'll direct you to the appropriate place
Otherwise you can browse the following posts:
general Hetalia cosplay
Gakuen Hetalia cosplay
Hetalia England only cosplay
Hetalia England and Japan cosplay
Hetalia England and America cosplay
If you think there's an overbalance of England it's b/c that's who I cosplay...
And speaking of cosplay...it looks like I'll be doing a loooot more of it in the near (and far?) future. And I'm pretty excited. Dressing up is fun after all. Taking pictures is also fun. Becoming characters, acting like someone else, it's amazingly fun. And it just gets funner when there's someone else to do it with. Finally. Doing fun things in excess makes them even more fun. Don't let anyone tell you moderation is important. They've just been deprived of having tons and tons of fun.
Of course, I still have a ton of drawings to do for my kids by graduation in mid-March, but I'm feeling less crazy stress from it (even though there's like, 50 of them left...) b/c I recently found a good way to get a lot done after work on a daily basis so it's getting easier. Still have a ton that I've already drawn & just need to post too so those will keep coming gradually. I can't believe it's already February...the world is still spinning too fast if I think about it, but I don't mind so much anymore. My world went from regluar Neapolitan ice cream to Ben & Jerry's Neapolitan Dynamite in what felt like seconds, but really? Who wants regular, when you can have Dynamite?
Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world.
Winter 2010 Hetalia England and America/Ameriko cosplay pics
The frighteningly large hamburger...
Getting possessive...
The jacket picture...
Foursome...
