Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
Load
some random England sketches I did a while ago....
new stuff:
...not really sure what my antisocial self is doing joining these kinds of communities, but....2012 looks like it's gonna be an interesting year (alligators aside...)
I'm already famous after all...
Black and White 2
When I was a little girl my mother used to tell me if I was bad the penguins would come and take me away to outer space.....
....it would seem she wasn't quite lying....they're definitely in league with someone if not aliens...
...this anime messes me up so bad....why did it have to be penguins and apples?
I've started my super-fast-not-so-good-but-I-don't-care sketching again....
first Alfred (20 min? - can't concentrate b/c he's thinking of Arthur
)
2nd Alfred (10 min?...eh....the muscles of his right arm are kinda screwed up....)
first Lily (about 30 min, and given away)
super old "Yellow Girls" in grayscale so I'm not posting it officially till it's redone... (not a speed drawing either...)
Mute Friendship
I felt awake for the first time since coming back from Florida yesterday. I mean, really awake, not just rested after sleeping. It happens all the time, one day I'm just living, and the next day I'm wide awake and seeing everything for what it is. Seeing where I should go and what I should do and it all seems so easy...but I can't seem to keep hold of that type of day for long. My motivation and energy seep away before I can even get organized.
Of course, I know what woke me up this time. I often don't, but this one's pretty obvious. It's a shame I am the way that I am. At this rate I'll never do the things I want to because I'm too proud to appear to be copying someone. But that's the way it goes. If you keep things to yourself there's no proof that you thought of it first, is there? Years of planning up in smoke, because 'me too' is my least favorite phrase ever.
間違いだらけのコミュニケーション
For a moment I actually thought, "It might be OK, I could try it..." and then I remembered, no, no, that's not what I do. Other people work together, not me. That's not who I am or who people expect me to be. I will always be the one who floats off alone. I don't need them, so of course I don't want them. I don't want them so of course I'm not interested in them. I'm not interested in them so of course I won't invite them in. And I can't do things that might make it appear that I had changed my mind.
自分だけどこか取り残された...
End of Hypnosis5 (Standing to Defend You)
Once upon a time, when I thought I was dying of hollowness it was Shonen manga that saved me. I got lost in the world of growing stronger and striving for your dreams like a child all over again. But soon (but luckily not too soon) I saw a flaw in the formula. Every hero gets stronger when fighting for someone else's sake. I was already done with that. I thought. There was no one I could find that I wanted to protect. Certainly there were many who were worth protecting, but none more important than myself. I had already seen the uselessness and disappointment that comes from living for someone else. And so I resolved to be stronger for my own sake, to stand up alone with need of no one else. Because standing on my own has always been my greatest pride.
Earthquakes are scary things. The time there was a fairly large one here about a year and a half ago I was alone. Asleep. (It was 5am!) I screamed. A lot. And wanted to go home. But I didn't call anyone and say so, no matter how badly I wanted to. I remember a really small one that came in the middle of the night (around 2:30) my first year vividly too. Not because it woke me up, because it woke my "wifey" up and she got scared and called me. When the big one hit last month I was at school. I felt kind of sick, but there wasn't time to think about being scared. There were kids with me, I had to be brave for them. Of course, I didn't consciously decide that. It just happened. I like it better that way. Somehow I can think more clearly if I'm worrying about calming someone else down instead of myself.
It's always been curious to me the way certain parts of my personality come out reflexively in reaction to others. There was this girl I used to hate (or rather, there used to be this girl that I hated, I haven't stopped, she just moved away.) and when she would say dramatic things attempting to excite or upset me I would become more and more logical and flat as the conversation went on. Without evening meaning to. It just happened. I know there's always been a part of me that wants to protect someone else, it used to be my little brother, or my mom, or sometimes even my dad. Then it was Nichole for a looong time, and then most recently "Oberi-kun" & "Bakura-chan". But they're grown up (and I've abandoned them to look out for number one anyway) and I thought things were better that way.
But maybe not...
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
Shaken
Something's different...I don't really know why or how, but things are so much easier this winter. It might be that I'm used to it, or it might be that it 's actually warmer, but it's not bothering me nearly as much as it has in the past. It seems to be going by much faster too, but I think I know why that is...thanks to which I've lost my train of thought for this post...
...and no matter how many days go by it looks like I'm not getting it back either, might as well just let it go....I feel like I may be getting feverish again, or it may just be the usual kind of crazy that's making my mind jump all over the place...
...it might have been something about having fun...the phrase, "I am no longer interested in unhappiness," keeps jumping back out at me, but as if I've cast a spell on myself again I believe it less now than when I thought of it...
...had a nice grip on my life till you twisted my arm...
