Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
Black and White 2
When I was a little girl my mother used to tell me if I was bad the penguins would come and take me away to outer space.....
....it would seem she wasn't quite lying....they're definitely in league with someone if not aliens...
...this anime messes me up so bad....why did it have to be penguins and apples?
I've started my super-fast-not-so-good-but-I-don't-care sketching again....
first Alfred (20 min? - can't concentrate b/c he's thinking of Arthur
)
2nd Alfred (10 min?...eh....the muscles of his right arm are kinda screwed up....)
first Lily (about 30 min, and given away)
super old "Yellow Girls" in grayscale so I'm not posting it officially till it's redone... (not a speed drawing either...)
Mute Friendship
I felt awake for the first time since coming back from Florida yesterday. I mean, really awake, not just rested after sleeping. It happens all the time, one day I'm just living, and the next day I'm wide awake and seeing everything for what it is. Seeing where I should go and what I should do and it all seems so easy...but I can't seem to keep hold of that type of day for long. My motivation and energy seep away before I can even get organized.
Of course, I know what woke me up this time. I often don't, but this one's pretty obvious. It's a shame I am the way that I am. At this rate I'll never do the things I want to because I'm too proud to appear to be copying someone. But that's the way it goes. If you keep things to yourself there's no proof that you thought of it first, is there? Years of planning up in smoke, because 'me too' is my least favorite phrase ever.
間違いだらけのコミュニケーション
For a moment I actually thought, "It might be OK, I could try it..." and then I remembered, no, no, that's not what I do. Other people work together, not me. That's not who I am or who people expect me to be. I will always be the one who floats off alone. I don't need them, so of course I don't want them. I don't want them so of course I'm not interested in them. I'm not interested in them so of course I won't invite them in. And I can't do things that might make it appear that I had changed my mind.
自分だけどこか取り残された...
The Time Discipline
I dyed my hair too dark again...I had one of those time slips I think...
They happen more often than I realize, as if the other ones of me are very busy...
Part of me still feels like I just got back from Italy yesterday, but of course that's not the case. I've been back for over a month. In just two more days I'll be 32. Thirty-two. It sounds ridiculously old. I can't seem to find any redeeming qualities about the number. I also can't bring myself to feel like it means I should be any different than I am at 31. If I haven't decided to start being "grown up" now, I'm guessing it's too late...
But at the same time...
...there's always that voice in the back of my head that worries...
...and makes me regret doing the things I like. It's not as though doing something else would have been better, just that by having done them other things have been lost or put off. Again. And again. And the regret is perhaps more about not having done those things that we promised ourselves we would. Things we had decided were important. Things we wanted to accomplish. Things that time might run out on if we're not careful.
When I realized it...by being loved, I was being washed away
Suspicion 2 (of Tears)
I don't cry much. I used to a lot when I was really young, but maybe everyone does. I remember being in high school and thinking, "I should be crying right now," about certain things that happened, and not being able to. When I first came to Shizuoka I remember other foreigners telling me, "Japanese people cry a lot!" and I saw it happen at graduations and other things and thought, "Wow, I guess they do..." and then gradually forgot about it and just came to accept it as normal, just like everything else around me.
Yesterday was my last day at yet another jr high school. I wasn't that fond of the school itself, it was just average. I asked to go to it back when the schedule was made though b/c I've been teaching all the incoming first year kids for about 3 years now at 2 different elementary schools. I figured I'd at least be able to have fun w/them since I wouldn't have to go through all the, "we don't know you so we're scared to talk to you!" crap that always happens at a new school. It turned out that a whole lot of the 2nd and 3rd year kids remembered me from their own elementary days too. That was cool.
There was an art club at this school too. My last school didn't have one, but it was a pretty otaku saturated school so I didn't mind. I'd forgotten how fun it is to actually have a "place" though. And how surprised the kids who never interact with other ALTs are when I show up.
The kids put out a "magazine" once or twice a month. They don't actually distribute it to anyone outside of the club, but it's still really cool. Everyone does a page and then they all get copies of all of them stapled together. It's a pretty good idea since people who draw, or like manga, often want other people's drawings. They asked me to do a guest page this month since I was leaving....
Just like every other school, I had to make a quick speech on the morning of my last day. Just like every other time I got through the English part of it with a big fake, "I know you can't understand me," smile. And then I started in on the Japanese, and for the first time I noticed what a teacher once told me, my voice changes. Like, a lot. I sound like a completely different person. And as I was contemplating this, I caught the eye of the track team captain (one of my favorite 3rd years) and had to look away really fast. Only to be caught in the gaze of one 1st year student after another. Apparently it's harder when you really know the people you're saying goodbye to. Any normal person would have had tears in their eyes (or possibly rolling down their face) along with the second voice change I noticed.
As if that wasn't enough, the last day at the art club was like a big party. I brought them presents from Super コミ, we complied the magazine, took pictures, and I got tons of letters and presents from them too. Finally, at 6:30, nearly 2 hours after I'm "supposed" to go home, we finished up and the 7 second year girls and 2 third year girls waited for me to get all my stuff from the teachers' room. Half of them should have gone out the back gate to go home, but they all walked to the front one with me anyway. It was raining. I'm sure we made a strange site, 10 girls with umbrellas walking ridiculously slow. We split up there and the remaining 5 went to the corner that leads out of the neighborhood with me. The last 3 second years went home there and I was left with the 2 oldest girls, also the president and vp of the club. They decided to walk me all the way to the bus stop, at least another 10 minutes away. About 5 meters from the stop we saw the bus coming and they started to sound panicky. It's a busy street so I said I'd wait for the next one, figuring it'd be about 5 of 10 minutes. Enough time to say goodbye anyway. But as we stepped under the tiny roof and I put my umbrella down the next bus appeared. I couldn't really justify waving it on when I was obviously standing there waiting for it so I hugged them both quickly and jumped on. When I looked back the president had one hand pressed over her mouth and her face was red. The vp had dropped her umbrella and was waving with one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other. I shouted (in a slightly too forceful voice) "Don't cry! We'll see each other again!" and stood at the door and waved as the bus drove off. And then I sat down and didn't cry.
I need to redo my site. I keep saying that, but it's not happening for some reason....I also need to make a list of the post titles I've used. It's getting to be a bit less interesting and a bit more of a pain scrolling through them every time to make sure I don't reuse one. I'm thinking I should make the whole thing my own art. Avatar, background, banner, all of it. It's almost like it's unfair to keep using someone else's at this point.
End
