I felt awake for the first time since coming back from Florida yesterday. I mean, really awake, not just rested after sleeping. It happens all the time, one day I'm just living, and the next day I'm wide awake and seeing everything for what it is. Seeing where I should go and what I should do and it all seems so easy...but I can't seem to keep hold of that type of day for long. My motivation and energy seep away before I can even get organized.
Of course, I know what woke me up this time. I often don't, but this one's pretty obvious. It's a shame I am the way that I am. At this rate I'll never do the things I want to because I'm too proud to appear to be copying someone. But that's the way it goes. If you keep things to yourself there's no proof that you thought of it first, is there? Years of planning up in smoke, because 'me too' is my least favorite phrase ever.
間違いだらけのコミュニケーション
For a moment I actually thought, "It might be OK, I could try it..." and then I remembered, no, no, that's not what I do. Other people work together, not me. That's not who I am or who people expect me to be. I will always be the one who floats off alone. I don't need them, so of course I don't want them. I don't want them so of course I'm not interested in them. I'm not interested in them so of course I won't invite them in. And I can't do things that might make it appear that I had changed my mind.
自分だけどこか取り残された...
