4/21 - "bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away"
Your mask is slipping, cracking in places you didn't realize were weakening in the first place. The bandages you'd smeared across the older cracks have started crumbling and eroding while your attention was was elsewhere, and now the light seeping through them burns far worse than the first time.
The effort it takes just to keep it on at all is becoming excruciating. The strength required to fool not only them, but yourself for so many consecutive hours is taking everything you've got left. But you must not let it go. Even if the chinks become larger, revealing a black eye here, a split lip there, the dissimilarities of your skin in too many obvious ways.
4/17 - "we'll waltz like an army, for the fear of our pain"
The way your mind races...really...the ideas, the possibilities...each dramatic thought a different turn leading to a new end in a new story. Death. Destruction. Panic and fear. It's all enticing.
4/15 - "gonna wake up strong"
...and when the realization comes you are glad, fervently glad, of your perfectly, flawless, impeccable memory. You don't want to remember these things - you didn't want to know them in the first place dammit (for once a thing is known it can never again be unknown...) but you do - you can't help it. And still you're glad, glad you can look at yourself and see someone else, glad you can look at the now and laugh at how easy it is, how goddamn easy it is compared to back then, laugh and keep going because there's really nothing they can inflict on you, nothing you can suffer that could compare to that time.
So your jaw loosens just a bit each day and you remember they can't hurt you if you don't let them.
4/20 - "and the clouds above moved closer, looking so dissatisfied"
It's amazing how you can be both insulted and flattered by something at the same time. Maybe it's a failure of confidence, or of true linguistic proficiency. Who the hell knows.
Sometimes, we are absolutely nowhere.
4/26 - "but I want you to come in closer, come in closer..."
4/17 - "we only wanna sing when we want to"
The loosening only lasts as long as you're distracted. It's entertaining to watch someone else fluster over things you know will be fine. Things you know don't matter. Things you don't care about.
4/24 - "what ever happened to the song, the soul, the me I used to know?"
...and when I awoke I found myself among the humans. There were others here too, I realized. Others of my kind, and our enemies too. It was obvious whenever I met them. I'll never forget the first time. That memory still terrifies me. I had known what I was for only a short time back then, and was just beginning to wonder about my comrades' fate. Had we lost? We must have, for why else would I be imprisoned here in this useless place?
4/21 - "my mind has lost direction, somehow"
....that child has never been able to state her feelings clearly....she has to walk around them for a while before the beginnings of a description can form. And even then, it's not one made of words the rest of us are likely to understand. It's all images and heat and tension and full and empty and
"Honest is easy. Fiction's where genius lies."
