I'm Sorry You Found Him in My Absence

You sit across the lunch table
> with your new boyfriend (showing him off)
But I've been gone too long
> I'm outside, I don't understand any of the jokes

And you grew more lovely
> with every second of my absence.
And because of this I lost my chance

Seeing you two together is hard;
Emotions rush up my throat
> I almost blurt out how I feel,
But I bite my tongue,
> bite my lip,
>> close my eyes,
But it's no use, the image wont leave me

I want to scream
(I love you)
I don't want to speak
(I love you, can't you see it in my eyes?)
(please make the first move)

Untitled (for lindsey)

I want to feel you breathe,
The shallow intakes,
> and soft exhales of your sweet breath
On the nape of your neck
As we lie in the yellow Autumn grass.

We struggle to stay here,
fighting the sunlight slipping into night
> and Fall seeping into the comming winter.

Soon the stars will come out of their hiding places,
We can stay if you want.
But the more time I spend with you
> the harder it is to go back to my own home.

Do you think if I wish hard enough on a shooting star
> that I couuld possibly sleep on your bedroom floor,
>> or in the next room?
It doesn't matter as long as you're close.

You may find this message comforting upon waking from the nightmares guest starring me

If I could I would tear off my skin and give the shell to you as a gift, so you can hold on to me even when I'm not there. If I could I would watch over you all through the night saving you from bad dreams, then fall asleep next to you by morning. I would brush the hair away from your face and finally realize just how lucky I was moreover, I would close my eyes a try to sleep before the tears came. And the next morning, when we wake up, I'd tell you everything you'd want to hear, but make sure every word of it was true. I'll kiss your eyes, I'll kiss your cheek, kiss your lips. I'll wrap my arms around you and never let go. And when night comes again we'll go sit out on the hill and watch the stars as they (like life) pass us by (we were infinite) and to them we look like far off glimmers, and you, my dear, shine the brightest of all. I hope I can carve out my own little niche and always stay inside your precious heart. You're already in mine, without you I'm like a fish who made its way onto dry land: gasping, suffocating, clinging onto life. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you and these words and lines I write down can't ever begin to describe how I feel.

Some nights I honestly contemplate not sleeping for fear of not dreaming of you. Some nights I fear waking up 'cause I finally get to spend time with you, picnic at a park with vibrant colors & an even brighter smile. Soon the sun will rip me from you, drag me away kicking & screaming as it sifts through the blinds on my window. Soft light, new day bleeding through the window as I fight just to stay asleep 'cause there's a place inside my mattress that harvests a dream of you.

Of all the beautiful things I could say; nothing will come out, so I'll just sit next to you and bite my nails, keep my eyes closed tight and wait for this moment to pass. Or sit closer and break this awkward silence with a simple kiss "just follow me to my bed so we can dream together" I'll finally choke out.