Sun Nov 1, 2009, 2:44 PM

* Mood: Vengeful

"Grow up." I hate that phrase. I find it ironic that when i finally get to make a decision that can really affect my life, I can't choose between limitless options. I just can't. It's like throwing a toddler that just learned how to walk into a marathon. It's pathetic--I'M pathetic. I lack motivation to do anything, and I know I can do it. I'm just too fucking lazy. I'm letting an inferiority complex get the best of me, I actually start expecting other people to help, when in the end it all comes down to what I think, and what I think alone, and what I do about it. And what I think just doesn't seem to click with what I know is the right thing to do. I'm a stupid little teenager that knows what to do and chooses not to do it. And why? Just because I'm lazy. It doesn't interest me at all. And I don't want to think that I'm one of those "regular" kids, when I might truly be one. A mediocre stereotypical 16 year old girl. Gross.

I don't go for education. I go for the experience. Probably the only motivation for even graduating and going to college is so that I can experience it all. Yeah, I appreciate what I learned along the way--but it doesn't interest me. Nothing interests me. My grades suffer because I'm a selfish brat and when I do try my best it doesn't even show. Probably the only way I can get better at something is to compete--but what good will it do if that person doesn't know that we're competing?

The only respect I receive is when I draw something, and even then it lasts a maximum of maybe 10 minutes. Drawing. That's all I can do. No matter how much I improve, it's not something my parents will be proud of. My friends would just look at it, have a few comments, then forget about it in the next 5 minutes. It's just something to amuse myself with.

I need to turn my life around. I'll show you. Being lazy may be something I can fix. Just watch. Fuck you, Calvin. Never compare me and that kid.