Which isn't the whole story, of course. To decide to not need to change the world is to know that they are not the center of the universe, metaphorically.
I get my information from a book titled "Ishmael", by the way. You should read it.
But anyways, so... I will admit, I have struggled with feelings of importance. With the fact that I don't matter that much to the world, that what everybody has told me about being so special is a lie. Probably because that's what I've based my entire being off of. Being special, oh-so important. Because, when this is taken away from us, then who are we, really? How do we... function? Perhaps we don't. We need to base ourselves off of what we are taught. So, maybe I should just, you know, like, be doing this. Re-evaluating what I've learned in life to change how I think. Oh dear.
Um. Right. So. I've gotten... nowhere past the fact that I need to be comfortable with myself. How does one do that? How does one develop self-acceptance and self-love? Well, maybe I should look at why I don't have any. Okay, so, a using mother, an abusive relationship, a mean friend, and just all around not liked-ness from other kids. And we shouldn't get into why other kids didn't like me because I've tried, and that's just a stupid road to go down.
Uh, okay. So people treating me like I'm not worth anything led me to believe I'm not worth anything. Because growing up and adapting into the environment meant basing who you were off of what was happening around you. Basing yourself off of what you learned. But now I'm older, and I can decide who I am. See, here's the tricky part: we are made, yet we also make ourselves. UGH. So, maybe I need to create myself but pick and choose how I am created from my history. My two counselors always said that I am not my past, but instead who I choose to be. And Cat Stevens is all, "If you want to be you, be you. And if you want to be me, be me." Which just means that we can be whatever we want.
Oh, gods. So. I guess I do have to decide who I want to be. Which will be hard. So, yeah. I do need to create myself. I need to decide who I want to be, but keep in mind who I am, and then work it all out.