Dreams...
Dreams is that wonderful feeling when you know you're doing something right.
It's when the harshness of reality begins to quiet and your heart sings.
It's that look when you see yourself in the mirror and smile, knowing who you really are.
Dreams is the one thing that drives me, soothes me and keeps me alive.
It's the world I live in, the world of dreams... This wonderful, wonderful world.
This fulfilling world...
This world that is in my heart and thankful soul.
Before you read I just posted a new picture in realtion to this. It has gammer and spelling problems so I'll say sorry now.
Finally it’s over… Goddamn it’s over and I’m finally free…
Damn I don't even know when to start. Well I broke off the friendship I had with my best friend yesterday. We were friends for three years. It was hard and I wished it could have lasted longer (not really) but I had to do what I needed to do.
Friends, a lot of them are here to teach us more then anything, and I learned a lot from this relationship. How crazy people can be, what's a true friend, how I'm stronger then I thought I could be, and how a true relationship work.
The reason why I decided to end the friendship was because she wanted a slave. And lately she’s been a real bitch (god that feels good to say) a spoiled, needy, hypocrite bitch (I’m sorry younger otaku’s but god does that feel good to say). She wanted somebody that would do whatever she wanted and nothing less. She thought I was going to break my back backwards to make her happy the way she wanted it and when I tried to she still wasn’t happy. What the fuck do you expect me to do? Simply what the fuck?
Her view on how a friendship work is warped. She wanted me to give her 100% of me all the time.
Here’s a little back story of our relationship in a nut shell.
I was in 11th grade and she was in the 9th, she would walk pass and stare at me. She did it about three times before she finally came up to talk to me. When she did we hit it off. She gave me her number then I gave her mines. She wanted me to come over her house. She wanted me to be her friend and I rolled with it. Hell, I thought she was cool and we had a lot in common. We had the same inuyasha shirt, Same Kurama poster. It was like we were lost sisters or something. It was crazy. And I was happy that I knew a person that liked the same stuff,we both draw, had the same ideas, beliefs as me. We start house hoping (spending the night at each others house in the same weekend) Hanging out every weekend, even started a comic together, and even cutting classes together (and I didn’t before I met her). Things were great back then.
Then after I graduated and start going to ITT Tech things got a whole lot complicated. We wasn’t in the same school and ITT is like a bazillion miles away from my house (two hours just to travel there each way) and after coming home I didn’t feel like hanging out (writing the comic dialogue, that’s what we did every time we got together 80% of the time no kidding). Then my mom got laid off from work and money got super tight. The house was on the line and I was super depressed and to make it worst my dad totally bailed on my family. By the time my three day school week was done I just wanted to chill out at home by myself.
She came over almost every weekend and I almost never wanted to be bothered but I never told her. I always had open arms rather I felt like the company or not. I was thinking of her all those times and not me. I knew she was lonely at home or wanted something to do so I let her come over. And most of the time she would never call just show up. She used to call before she came over; I have no clue why she stopped. Even never treated her like a second rate person.
I stopped saying yes to her and she always would have mood swings when I wouldn’t do anything to her. That’s a real pain in the ass. Then I am wondering if I did something wrong when I know I didn’t. That’s how it was. We would hang out and have the best of time then she’s pissed the next time for something thatisn’t worth getting pissed over. Like if I don’t call. I’m not a phone person deal with it. If you call sure, we’ll talk all night but I don’t call you because I have nothing to say. Nothing important. Then you come over my house all the time what’s the problem?!
She always felt that I was ignoring her when I wasn't.
Then she thought she knew everything even about me and how I ticked. She didn't like it when I would disagree with her. When I did she would try her best to make it like shes right. And shes so damn closed minded that she would never saw my end of the story. Everytime I would make a point she would counter it.
But the straw that broke the camels back when about a month ago when she said she got the connects to get the comic publish (its no where near done) and I came over the next day to ask her a question and to say that it seems like she doesn’t listen to me and that she thinks she’s right about everything.
She picked my personality apart saying "your too quiet" "I never worked hard on anything" (yet I'm an honor student at school with perfect attendance… the fucking comic we was working on for three years) “you’ll never make it” blah blah blah false assumptions of my life and how I tick.
I let it slide and we hung out as all ways. Then my mom did her hair she said that it was super damage ( my friend was telling me how scewed up her hair was for months because she was being lazy with it and that it broke off). My mom needed to cut off all the split ends but my friend freaked and said no. So my mom just trimed the ends.
A few days later she called ranting and raving on how short her hair was and tried to blame it on my mom. I was trying to talk to her and tell her it wasn't my moms fault. My mom tried to tell her that it gotten that short because her hair was damage but my friend said that she couldn't talk and hung up.
A few days passed and I called her to see if she had my CD. she said no and said "I that all that you called me for?" in a cold tone. I said yeah and she said well I don't have it you got to look for it. I said alright and hung up. Once again she's pissed off for unknown reasons. The hair thing was not my doing and it was no ones falut but your own.
So on tuesday I left school early and called over to see if I could come over since weeks before she was bitching at me I needed to visit her more. She said it was fine.
I came over and she compeltely gave me the cold shoulder the whole time. WTF... I came to see your needy ass because YOU was bitching about me not coming over. Then she was talking about her new friends and stuff. So I'm thinking she want me to be glued to her 24/7 and when I fianlly try to see her she wants to be an asshole.
I went home knowing the friendship was over and couldn't be happier.
The next day I called her to tell her and her mom picked up and was going on how I wasn't nice to her. How you have to do things you wouldn't normally do to please your friends because they expect things from you.
WTF lady...
To be MY friend all you do is have to be A FRIEND. I don't expect no one to change their personaity to be my friend or do any thing speacil. Its easy to please me... Just be a friend and treat me with repesct! That's it! Its that simple!
Then she goes on telling me that I don't talk and I she knows that I be having things to say. How I don't hug her unless she hugs me blah blah blah
I'm not like you, my belifes are different, my view on friendship is totally different, I'm fine the way I was born and no one had a problem till I start saying no to your dauther.
She wanted me to lay down everything I had to make her dauther happy. I don't do that. I'm no rug to step on. I'm no slave to your dauthers desires. I won't change my personaity to please her when SHE wanted to be MY friend.
I'm a loner and don't really seek out friends, or a least try to make people my friends. I don't need anyone to make me happy, I'm fine by myself. I'm my own best friend. So don't think once that I will supply that to someone else.
Really long story short they wanted me to give up 100% of me. But I'm willing to only give up 50%. And yes she did things for me and I did things for her but that wasn't enough. And when I told her how see made me feel like crap she picked my flaws out again, she didn't care. I would try to make my point and She counter it like she would always do and not think for a second think what I was trying to say.
For all the bull shit I went throught with you ( and this is only 25% of it if not less)
You can't even see how YOU made ME feel?
Fuck this, gimmie my shit back, please burn in hell, I'm glad your hair is total shit, your a real bitch.
Yeah, thats how it happened (the bare bit of it). I know I'm super harsh ( with all the cussing and stuff) but thats how I feel. She's no friend of mine anymore.
Now to close this chapter of my life for good I need to get my stuff back. And she want to be an ass about that too.
I want this to end NOW. Why try to hold my shit hostage. I'll get it, leave and jump for joy how your some elses problem.
And if you read the whole thing you can get a super cookie from me and a free pencil drawing from me :).
Just posting to tell ya that I got a new Picture up and I'm going around signing people guest books and looking at peoples galleries. So watch out if you get a few comment and/or GB signing from me! And I have to say it feels go to finally go around to comment and look at other peoples art.
Now laugh at Dane Cook because he's funnier then a dog rubbing its butt on the carpet! X3
Its only about 3 mins and the rest is music or something.
So yeah just letting you guys know that I uploaded a piture of L ..... It was a SOB to try to make it look right when uploaded. First its to small then it looked blurry and etc etc etc please shoot me. Soooo please come look at it if you have time so my efforts will go full circle.
Hey! Your fuzzy fox is here with update of my life!
Well since the last post my life has been fair, BS here, BS there you know the norm :P. Lately I've been craving a latte really bad! So bad that I had a dream about getting a latte in a Chinese store... Yeah a Chinese store! You can't get them there or a least the one I was going to haha! But since I got some extra cash when I go to school tomorrow I can get a large! Oh yeah baby, French vanilla! Hmmm French vanilla? Sounds like a new mew.. A boy mew hahaha! Oh yeah I’m so inspired right now! Can’t wait to draw it especially after watching shugo chara. If you haven’t watched it, you have too! It’s really good and it got a lot of elements in it and it’s not horribly repetitive. The only real beef I got with the show is that all the dudes seem to fall for amu for whatever reason in the later episodes. Its great and cute and all but what about all the other female characters D:?
Okay yeah, I’ve been doing belly dancing the last three mornings including today! The whole phenomenon started when I was watching all these belly dancing videos on YouTube with my friend (that damn youtube -_-0). It looked so cool, fun, and stress relieving (and I need so damn exercise) that I wanted to try it out. So then I found some lessons and started doing them every morning! Its fun and your going to sweat (and the fact I have no AC in my house :C). The next morning I was kind of sore, mainly my upper arms and thighs but its all worth it!
Another aspect of my interesting life that I gained during the weeks was my crush on miyavi… Dude … he - is – so – stink’n – sexy! I thought he was really cute and his music was awesome but when I was saving all these pictures of him in my computer with my friend we was like “ duddddeee he’s really hot and he can wear eye make up better then any chick out there. Dudddeee one picture he’s in a clown suit the next picture he’s in a gothic dress and still looks gooooodddd”. Then I found out that his favorite color was pink and my freak’n heart explode in a zillion pieces. I’m like “ dude I’m so your next crazy stalker” ( okay not really but I’ll fantasize about you more then I should har har :D) I loveeeee pink ( if you couldn’t tell :P) and I don’t even know why but that color rules! Anyway yeah he’s smexy… VERY smexy…
Oh! Oh! I had a dream that I was at a feast with a bunch of J-rockers! It was sooo cool! After I was at the feast I went outside and Miyavi was there and he said hi! Can anyone say brain implosion?
Damn I sound like one of those OC chicks on too much caffeine but what the hell I only like posting here when I’m in a good mood… :)
This post is long enough and I wanted to get with the TMM related stuffs but I need to do my home work so I’ll save it for later so till then!
How’s it been going with you guys? Me? I've been chilling as always. I posted a new picture of a new fan mew. Which has me thinking about my habits of drawing and how much it went to hell.
I've been looking through my gallery and see all the fan mews I made and how I use to make them all the time and wondered "what the hell"? Then I think "damn, what happened to my drawing in general?”. I use to draw every night no matter how tried or how little the picture was I still drew something. But ever since I been going to bed early for school I’ve been too lazy to draw.
I use I start drawing at 8:00PM and to go bed at 12:00AM so that’s plenty of time to draw whatever. Yet, I would be so tired when I get up for school and I’m talking about 5:00-5:30 AM and I hate waking up like that every time I have school (3 days a week). I didn’t want to pull back my bed time real early because I wouldn’t have a lot a time to draw, also that my body would rebel big time and I didn’t feel like having even more crappy sleep. Sooooooo I start going to bed at 11:00pm I still had time to draw everything was good in the land of OZ but still I was waking up tired! I’m stubborn so I went with it for a while but I need my sleep. I need my sleep so I won’t get hit by a car while lusting over my coffee in the morning when I can try to dodge the car, get hit and lust over my coffee spilling all over the ground :D.
So then I was fed up and decided to pull back my time to like 10:00PM which failed like the no child left behind act, so then I pulled it down to 9:00 finally. My body wasn’t trying to hear that at all! I knew I had to get use to this and suffer the “mind won’t shut up /body want to wake up at strange hours at night”, like 47:55 PK or even 3:00AM… 3:00AM PEOPLE!! What madness has befallen me DX??!!! Did the universe decide to play the butt hole card too?! So anyway when I finally was going to bed 9:00PM and was sleeping by 9:30PM instead of 1:30AM, and what would you know I would wake up not so dead!
And that’s a great thing no doubt, but then I get tried around 7:00/8:00pm and my laziness would take over. So I would tell myself “I would do it tomorrow”, yes the dreaded trap of procrastination! (Echo echo)…. I would do that over and over till I would draw rarely and that scares the pink crap out of me because I don’t want my skills to decay. So then everything else seems to cave in because of it (comics, projects, trades, etc) and I just got lazier with everything but school work.
Yeah, I back tracked all the way to the source. And because I’m such a good investigator I looked in my gallery to see when I start lacking and it was around January. So now my point of this fantastic fairy tale is that I want to draw more I want to get in the O more …again… sign guest books, comment on people’s pictures and the like. I’ve been going to sleep at 11:00PM more and not waking up like a zombie so that gives me more time to draw and to put my life back in place. I love to draw so much and to let myself get like this is unacceptable!
And drawing that fan mew REALLY showed me that and I couldn’t be happier! So now I can say I’m really back on track because I have nothing that’s hindering my drawings but me. (yay for resolutions :)
I would continue with what I want to start doing but this post is wayyyy tooo llloooonnggg and one resolution is enough.
Thanks for reading who ever read this long ass post, here’s a cookie. :3
So I will update again before this week is over to see how people like my ideas on what I want to do to jump start my no non-sense draw everyday life again!
And if you read the whole thing you can get a super cookie from me and a free pencil drawing from me :).
