Hey everyone!
Wow I actually manage to put out another world post within a week! Congratulations to me haha! I actually wanted to talk about something that happened to me recently. I'm sure talking about it will help me process it more.
A Change In Dreams?
As everyone probably know by now, I LOVE making fake sweets and I always wanted a business in it, thus The Candy Sanctuary was born a few years ago. In fact it was my dream to make TCS into a big business, something that I could live off of while doing what I truly loved. I've spend years on trying to perfect my skills to make that happen and it's been a hard and tired road. But unfortunately that dream has been put to rest.
My dream, of having that big business, putting all that effort and time into it, just doesn't resonate with me anymore. It's not just that, but I wanted to travel around to conventions to sell my work, make miscellaneous items like cell phone charms, stationary, jewelry and the like to sell. I just don't feel that is my passion anymore, I can't see myself putting in so much of my life energy into it. Not to say that I don't enjoy those things or would never pursue in doing those things, but I can't find myself focusing my "core energies" in it.
This realization came to me about 2 weeks ago. I was on the computer like now when I thought about TCS and somehow, it didn't feel right. I just couldn't see myself doing it anymore. It shocked me but when I let those emotions flow, I knew that it didn't resonate with me anymore. I wanted to do something more, to help people. What that is however, I don't know yet, though I do have a bread crumb trail to follow. As of now, nonetheless, I don't have a "dream". Pretty ironic being that I'm such a huge supporter and emotional cheerleader for finding and following your dreams haha!
Since I decided to follow my own dream, I was lead to many things and even to overhaul my life a few months back, so maybe my dream fulfilled itself somehow in a way I didn't expect. I'm sure I wasn't meant to be what I thought I wanted to be, but to be something bigger and more appropriate for myself that is slowly unraveling in front of me at this moment.
As far as what I feel I want to do, all I can really say is I want to do something more humanitarian like. I want to help the world be a better place somehow, and I can't say that was my reasons for making TCS. I just wanted to support myself with something I loved and that was it, I could care or less about the world around me. Looking back, that was probably a more selfish dream then I wanted to admit to myself, but I grew a lot since then.
I think that through finding out more about myself while changing my life granted me more personal power and control over my life. Most of all, I learned that doing something out of pure love grants more wishes then doing something for purely material reasons.
I've been doing a lot of free readings lately for the sake of loving what I do and providing people something they find comfort in, and my business sky rocketed, I felt good about myself, and started to love doing things for the benefit of just doing them, than trying to sag a potential costumer. I also learned that the world has a strange way of providing all of your wants and needs when you start doing it yourself, from a place apart of competition, lack and selfishly wanting.
It feels nice to be in the "flow" of life than trying to fight for the smallest of things. Feeling like you have to trample the competition just to get what you want. When you start giving yourself to people, in a loving and pure way, you'll be shown the same. It will only brighten your life and increase the love you have for whatever you're doing, which in turn goes right back to the people/cause/world that you're serving, isn't that such a beautiful thing? :D
But yeah, I'm going to keep following my heart to wherever I'm needed and wanted so I can be the person I need and want to be, so I can share that with the world. :)
Take care, I'm sure to update this world again soon!
Also posted on my DA
Dear artists of the world,
Where do I even start? I come online everyday and more likely then not I have to hear yet another person's trails and tribulations about "being an artist". Its either in trying to find a style, trying to stay true to yourself, wanting more criticism, telling people to piss off because of criticism, trying to be popular, wanting to live off by doing what they love, and/or thousand other things.
When the rubber hits the road us artists can agree that being an artist is FUCKING HARD. God forbid if you're on the internet trying to make your way because so many of us is left behind in the dust while a select few makes their dreams come true. Tough world, eat it or get out. Don't be an artist if you can't take consist shit and bricks to your emotional face. Don't even start if you can't handle being judged by the world by what and how you draw (or other wise) because that's basically what you're doing from that moment on...
That last paragraph you just read. Is a complete lie... Everything, every single word, your mind just got blown (or not).
Being an artist is NOT HARD, YOU CAN make your own way on the internet, YOU CAN become popular. YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING BY DOING WHAT YOU LOVE. It is all possible and very achievable for anyone that wants it, but there is one thing standing in your way. Yourself and what you THINK you can and can not do aka your beliefs!
What you think and believe directs your outcome of your life as an artist and life itself.
Think about that second paragraph again. Did you agree with one or more statements, did it completely resonate with you because that's the same thing you have been going though? Well, we are about to punch every single one of those statements in the face twice, but you have to promise to have A LOT of patience with yourself because this is just the beginning. The beginning to finding your own magical world where your true artistic abilities are held and everything else that you ever wanted.
First and foremost stop what your doing, for god's sake get off the internet and bust out some lined paper and a pencil to reinvent yourself! Write down every single thing that you want as an artist and just as a person.
This is not the time to be "humble", you can be humble when your dead, if you want popularity then write it down! If you want to make a lot of money by drawing (or any craft) write it in all caps, engrave it in your mind! Write down every single thing that you want to have right now.
How do you feel about all your aspirations and dreams? Does it feel good just to write them or are you nervous because you made the greatest of sins for wanting so much? Either way, listen to your feelings because they are telling you something. Something important about yourself and how you approach the world.
Write those feelings down or just express them. Good, bad, sadness, or depression it doesn't matter just write them down. Don't just write the emotions down, write the "reason" behind the feelings. Does those feelings come from other people's opinions? Did those feelings resulted in what you were told, or what you assumed in the world? Write the whole story down, make it real again and feel those emotions again.
All those icky feelings, opinions, and beliefs you have about yourself, as an artist or just as a person is the very reason why you can't get what you want. You literally built a stone box (aka your feelings and beliefs) around you blocking you from the sunshine that you seek. You chiseled and chiseled at a small part of that wall to invite a small ray of light. Then you go to another part of the wall and try again. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But out of the "whole world" that is out there the most you get are the small rays of yellow light. Don't down your rays of light, be proud of them that you can chisel through a godly tough stone wall to get them.
But you're craving more light, more sun, and more of "what is out there" in your unique world of talent. Don't down that part either, if you want more then you are a natural non-corrupted human being. Don't let others (people around you, the media, yourself) tell you that "wanting more" is wrong. Wanting more is grabbing what you have and adding more to it, making it bigger and better then what it was before. So if you want more, say it loud and proud!
Okay, so we out lined what we do want and how we felt about it. We focused on the negative feelings and how its trapping us in this "stone box". Now its time to turn that stone box into a "glass box"! Where you can see your full potential, live in front of you. You can see your dreams literally taking shape and playing back to you like you're in a wicked movie theater. The best part of the glass box is that you don't have to chisel at it for god knows how long just to get a taste of it, you can simply tap the glass and watch the barrier fall.
Before we start, all those harsh feelings from before? Let the emotions go, write/draw/paint your negativity on a piece of paper then throw it in the trash. Tell yourself "I am no longer holding these emotions against myself, thank you for telling me what I needed to work on in myself, you are free to go!". Say it as many times as you want till you're ready to throw some positivity in your new artist self!
Take out another piece of paper and write down your dreams (shorten version if you want) and why it is possible to achieve those dreams! This might be hard for some since we were so focused on the "reality" of things but this is where you rewrite "your" reality.
Where you change your beliefs about what can and can't happen in your life. When you are writing your reasons why, make those reasons real, feel that positive energy about yourself. That is key because if you can feel it, then its real to you in some form. The realer you make it, the more achievable it is!
Make yourself feel good about your dreams and how you can easily get to them. Get that huge ego and embrace it because its telling you, you can do ANYTHING and you don't even have to work hard. When you are positive about something, you are making it real and accessible to come into your life. Things come "out the blue" when your positive, things just go smoothly, and ideas just work out when you're upbeat in mood. Where when you are negative about something the opposite happens.
That's because your beliefs and feelings are dictating what you can and can't do. "I can" means unlimited where "I can't" means limited. When you say either you are stating whether you're enabling or disenabling yourself from what you can or can not want, do, or believe.
Its all a state of mind if you can or can't do it. Open yourself to all what life and what your dreams have put together for you and ride that epic wave. Don't let others take that away from you either because "all this", the old and new found artist self was done by you. No one can change your beliefs unless you let yourself believe them.
No one can take your dreams away and no one can block you from your goals but you! Be persistent, courageous, daring, loving, and head strong with what you want as an artist. Whoever doesn't like what you're doing, tell them to simply "piss of" and don't feel sorry to stand for what you believe in.
This is "your life" take control of it and your creative destiny, never let anyone take that power away because its rightfully yours.
Peace, love, and paint brushes ~
Yes another update with your favorite fox, yours truly!
Man, I just found out that my earphones just died and I’m pissed. I had those cool DJ one that rapes your ear with comfort and what have you. And just like that they died. They were acting weird at school friday but I didn’t think much of it since the school computers act stupid them selves. So now I’m using the earphones that have the microphone with it that I borrowed from my boyfriend. It’s really loud but has barely any bass which is really important to me XD… Now I got to keep my eyes and ears out for a good pair for a cheap price. The ones I have didn’t even last 2 years. :... and it’s the coby brand. I swear I had numerous products from them and at first its good stuff but then out the blue before 2-3 years it turns into crap.
But moving on…
My final project for school is at near completion! It’s called capstone and it’s just a major project that you have to work on all quarter and present to the dean and teachers. After that I’m done with ITT. My graduation is next month on the 24th or 27th? It’s crazy because it’s the time where people are having the “I’m heading into school” posts but I’m done with mine and maybe for a while. I’ve thought long and hard on what I wanted to do with my life. I was thinking of going to art school but I thought I can just learn on my own on my own pace. Then thinking of the career that I want to have its not really required either. I want to make cute things and just do what I love for a living. It’s the same dream I had for a few years now if any own have been reading my post since that long ago.
I don’t know it almost feels like a stupid move. To just go and try to start a business when I have no real job. This reminds me, I’m working with my dad for 20 bucks an day, finally a break through. But anyway, I can’t get a real job for whatever reason besides the a-hole economy. Not going back to school for a higher degree not even in an art school. But I don’t know, I’ve listen to my heart even when it says seemly stupid things when it ends up being the best choice after all. And its saying to start the business or just leading me where starting the business is my only option to make some cash for doing something that I love to do.
So yeah, I’m taking the biggest risk of my life really. But I have confidence in what I’m doing even though it sways sometimes. It’s just the fear of it failing which is normal, hell I have a fear at failing at a lot of things in life. Trying to belly dance freely, trying animation and etc etc… but it’s not a “dead end” kind of feeling. Like I’m going in the wrong direction kind of thing. Like when I was with my toxic friend and the whole comic thing… It wasn’t a dead end; it was like I was going completely backwards but you get the point.
But I just have to work. Work hard and I’ll have want I want sooner then later… So I’m just getting more active on here and DA and planning to open more accounts for my art and charms and things. I want things to work and I want to have fun and make a living out of this. I know I can, I won’t believe that I should be forced into something I don’t want to do just because it logically seems like the right choice… There’s room for everybody in this world to do what they want to do. So I’m going to do what I want to do.
With that said yeah, the candy sanctuary is still around and will be up and running soon. I made some new charms and I had borrowed my boyfriend’s camera so I should have some pictures of it soon. Among other things that I have plan on doing as far as products. But I want to resign the candy sanctuary and start fresh and new. New characters and new design. I want it to have a café theme with characters based of foods or something. I’m not sure what will come out of the new redesign but I’m excited to work on it when school is over. As well as designs for charms and the like.
There are so many things I want to do when school is done. Drawing is a definite one, I’ve been lacking so much and I want to get better and just draw everyday like I use to do. Man how many times did I say that haha. I really want to try new things and just be the best artist I want to be.
I want to get active in my clubs and in the TMM section. It needs mad love. I want to learn Japanese. Start animating in flash. Just everything. Even though I’m in a uncertain time of my life this is the first time of my life where I felt like I have freedom. Freedom to do whatever I want, and to be put through the roughest year of my life the pass 2-3 years I’m going to seize this time and do what it take to get me where I want to be in life.
So yeah… That’s where I stand today… <:3
I know things will work out in my favor…
So what are your dreams? What do you plan to do in the future? What is it that you TRULY want to do even if your not planning to pursue it?
