Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
Tell your Children the Truth
My dad's getting married. I don't particularly want him to, but I know I don't really have a say in the matter, nor does it affect me in any way. My brother doesn't know. It's kind of killing me to not be able to call him right now.
My mom was always honest w/me as a kid. Or rather, she was straightforward. She told me quite a few lies I'm sure, but most of the time she told me things the way she thought they really were. She acted towards me, & told me, kids are no different from adults. It's not a common practice. Most people would probably say it's a bad idea in fact. I'm definitely warped in some ways because of it. For one thing, I think it's the right way to go about things now too. I can't do them any differently.
I've been posting a lot recently. I guess it has to do with thinking a lot. When I don't spend all day focusing on my little kids things creep into my head a bit too easily. I really hate being looked down on by people. I always have, not just since coming here. I guess it's kinda funny since I automatically tend to look down on everyone myself, but.....yeah, it's not cool. Often times, I get the feeling people are talking to me like they would a very slow child, because they assume I won't understand the words they're using. And if I don't answer immediately - b/c I usually don't know what to say, & wouldn't whether they spoke English, Japanese, or Swahili for the simple reason that I never know how to respond to people - they automatically assume they're right & I just don't know the literal meaning of the words. When really, what I don't know is the meaning of the conversation, why they're telling me that crap in the first place, and what the hell they expect to hear.
...if it looks like I'm laughing I am really just asking to leave...
Goodbye, Halcyon Days
Winter vacation's over. And that means back to teaching jr. high kids for me.
The school I got actually isn't that bad, but.....still not like elementary. I was telling a friend of mine tonight that I thought the kids there were all pretty nice, & he said, "Then that's all you need." And I thought, um...no, it's not. The kids are never really a problem. Sure there were a few that I really didn't like at 2 of the 4 schools I was stuck at, but for the most part, even the ones I wasn't fond of I didn't mind. I like kids. Obviously, I wouldn't have been working with them this long if I didn't. It's the adults that make me crazy. It always has been. No matter where I was living. I've never had patience for adults. They always over complicate things with their confusion. I don't mind the ones at this school so much for some reason though. Possibly because of my "New Year's Resolution", or possibly b/c I remembered something about myself over break. Although, one of those was really caused by the other anyway...
Winter vacation was pretty awesome now that I think about it. Besides "Mitchiko E Hatchin" I watched a ton of Naruto, read all of Kuroshitsuji, started reading Tegami Bachi, & got caught up on all the stuff I normally read & watch that had fallen behind since the last few weeks before break were too stressful for me to think about them. It reminded me of the spring and winter vacations of the few years before I came to Japan. Nobody to take care of. Nothing to worry about. Nowhere I was needed. Watching Naruto made me want to watch it all from the beginning again. For like, the 8th time. It made me even more connected to my "Kakashi-side" again too. Not to say that my "Hayato-side" is lessening or anything, but he is a bit of a kid after all.
I'm still finding strange gaps in my language patterns. It's possible that they were always there & it's not even related to the English/Japanese thing. In fact, it's quite likely that's the case. While I'm good at spinning words around, I'm absolutely terrible at actually saying anything. And probably it's always been that way.
...and you're walking away, and I will drown in the fear...
A Wonderful Error
I went to 冬コミ in Tokyo in the last days of 2009. It was pretty awesome. As expected. Or rather, as I knew it would be since I've been to like 8 other comic markets this year. I stayed 2 days instead of the full 3 like I did in the summer. I still bought a ton more stuff than was really necessary of course, but it was like my Christmas present to myself (along w/that new FF Gaiden game for DS that I can't play since I left my charger in the hotel...) I was planning on doing my Lenalee cosplay again & going all out w/purple hair & contacts, but......well, the contacts don't looks so great over my natural light brown eye color & I squint all the time anyway, and......apparently you shouldn't use purple hair dye that's two years old....
...it loses some of it's potency & you get colors like this. Which are incredibly fucking cute! I was so happy with it! Who would've guessed?
"Conquistadores 2 (Screaming Symphony)"
I spent the first day of 2010 in South America.
Not literally of course. I watched the entirety of "Michiko E Hatchin". 22 episodes. Pretty good way to get rid of that New Year's Eve hangover. It's kinda Cowboy Bebop-esque storytelling I'd say. Past and present happening at the same time, in bits and pieces. Where the past is so horribly painful that it's haunting the characters in the present but you don't know all of it until the end. (I suspect there was some Kill Bill influence as well though...) There was a lot of stuff in Spanish, or maybe Portuguese, neither of which I speak but it's easy enough to figure out. An English subtitled scene with people speaking Japanese to explain Spanish writing on some sort of paper or sign used for the story. Mind-boggling. I was pretty sure about the outcome of the series from about halfway through. I didn't mind for some reason though. It was still exciting.
I seem to be synesthizing again. I'm turning into someone who only speaks one language. Katy language. Sometimes I'll look back on a conversation w/someone & think, "Was that in English?" but it's impossible b/c the person doesn't speak English. And then I'll wonder, "When I said such-and-such word.......was that really Japanese?" Two languages melding together in my head into something that makes sense to only me. Words blend into meanings, meanings into feelings. I once had a friend get annoyed w/me b/c he said I wasn't listening to what he was saying when I was in "Japanese mode". I was a little surprised by that. I thought I was listening. I thought I was answering too.
New Year's Eve was pretty weird. I had my picture taken by & with a bunch of high school girls several times. And I don't mean different groups of them. Just the same 4 girls at the house of some people I don't know that I was invited to out of pity most likely. And I went to out of......who knows what. But it was more fun than I expected. And there was good food. And it was free. Also, the liquor. That was free too. Possibly the only down side was leaving before midnight in order to not be forced to spend the night. Oh, and being constantly translated to by someone who still sees the girl he met 2 & a half years ago when he looks at me. At one point he actually apologized, "Sorry, I'm in Japanese mode." And I wished I hadn't cut my fingernails so it would hurt more when I dug them into my hand to keep from laughing or punching him in front of total strangers.
Get Back from the Storm (Trigger for a New Concerto)
...a predictable storm that has come every year...
I got a new iPod from my dad this Christmas. It's purple. I'm pretty happy about that. Unfortunately it's only 16 GB & since I'm obsessed w/music that's nowhere near enough. So I started clearing out my iTunes. All those albums I was keeping b/c I'd downloaded the whole thing just to get one song & thought, "Oh, I might like the rest of this...." and never listened to? Gone. All that crap other people gave me that I was just keeping out of politeness? Gone. All the introductory Japanese lessons that I never listened to but am way beyond needing? Gone. I ended up having to just not sync everything in the end since there was still too much. No big deal, I still have my 30GB old one anyway. Oh, and the computer where it's all stored and can be listened to whenever I'm home. It's a bit excessive really.
...take me away from this torturous land...
I broke my gundam tradition and named it after Niche. After all.....Gundam, Eva, Zanpakuto, Dingo, Box Weapon, the only difference is the shape of the companion. In my attempt to fit all my music onto Niche I discovered something slightly alarming. There is music on my computer I've never heard, or even heard of, before. Not like, stuff from some movie soundtrack that I'd recognize even without knowing the artist, or untitled tracks that came from some cd my dad burned me & sent over thinking I might be interested. Actual songs with Artist & Album labels. About 6 or 7 of them I'd say. All different. Not even a whole album, just some random songs by some random people I have no knowledge of whatsoever. And in no time at all my mind was spinning out of control in Tyler Durden-esque multiple personality fantasies. Because who put them there if it wasn't me? So I did the only logical thing. I listened to one of them to see if it triggered any memories. And.......I haven't gotten to the others b/c I'm kind of stuck on it. Still no idea where it came from though.
...I know I've got close, but I'm sure it's too far...
It's almost 2010. How are people planning on saying the name of that year anyway? Do we get to go down to the shortened version now since there's two numbers that can't be mistaken for sounding like one finally? Twenty-ten sounds a bit weird though......what did they do back in 1910? Oh, wait........I can hear that one in my head just fine. Hmm. I've been doing the usual things I do at the end of a year. Cleaning. And being lazy. And thinking about stuff. Wait.....I do that all the time. I just do it in excess at the end of the year since I don't have to work. Especially the cleaning. My apartment looks kind of awesome right now. Except for the fact that posters are falling off the walls & I'm just letting it happen. It's about time to rearrange them. I got my usual 2 calendars already. This time it's Reborn! and Pandora Hearts. When my brother was younger he used to always get the "Demotivators" calendar from Suse. This would make an awesome addition to an anime version.....if only the person who made it had better grammar....
I used to be part of the "don't make New Year's Resolutions, it's stupid" camp. For a long time actually. Of course, it really is a little bit stupid. If you want to do something, do it. Don't wait around for an arbitrary date on the calendar to make you feel like you have to do it. And on the other hand, don't feel like you've completely failed at life for the next 365 days if you don't do the thing you decided on exactly perfectly. I know all this. I agree with all of this. It's smart and logical. But there's something to be said for the freshness of January. Something that inspires your subconscious to push harder, to get up and go somewhere, makes something, grow stronger, be happier.
...just hold on, hold on to me...
