SETTING: The gaudy pink-and-white stage. Chrome is seated on a high stool next to Nehszriah, who is standing with her microphone and small stack of cards. The crowd applauds, then quiets down.

NEHSZRIAH: Alright Chrome, you know the rules. I’ve got a set of questions for you to choose from and using the responses of our three eligible bachelors, you get to pick your date for the evening.

A set of three curtains on the stage are lit from behind, revealing three very different silhouettes sitting on stools similar to Chrome’s.

SCHUMUCK 1: Can I go home now?

NEHSZRIAH (deadpan): No.

The first silouhette mutters acidly.

NEHSZRIAH (grinning at Chrome): Now then, here’s your cards and let’s get cracking!

Nehszriah hands Chrome her small stack of index cards and allows the girl to shuffle through them, picking out which questions she wants to ask first. Once Chrome is ready, Nehszriah holds the microphone close to the other girl.

CHROME: Bachelor Number One, if you were a type of pocky, what type would you be?

SCHMUCK 1: What kind of a question is that?

NEHSZRIAH (deadpan): Answer the damn question.

SCHMUCK 1: Strawberry, I guess. I like strawberries.

CHROME: Bachelor Number Two, same question.

BOZO 2 (poses dramatically): SUPER-DARK MANLY MEN’S POCKY!!!

Chrome is flabbergasted, while Nehszriah cocks an eyebrow and the other two silhouettes turn towards the one between them. The audience stays silent.

CHROME (nervously): Bachelor Number Three… same… question…?

PUTZ 3 (unfazed): I never really thought about it. Maybe coconut or orange? Green tea, perhaps? That strawberry sounds nice…

The silhouette limp-wrists.

NEHSZRIAH (watching her wristwatch): Keep it moving Chrome!

CHROME: Oh! She looks through the cards. Bachelor Number Three, if you had to choose between an expensive date or a date that cost no money, which would you prefer?

PUTZ 3: Either or would do, but an expensive date would be nice. I’m used to dressing up in fancy things and eating exotic, new foods. It could be an adventure!

CHROME (happily): That’s nice! Bachelor Number One, same question!

SCHMUCK 1: Inexpensive; I experience too much fancy stuff at school anyways.

CHROME: Okay…? Bachelor Number Two…?

BOZO 2 (dramatically poses): ALL WE NEED IS EACH OTHER AND WE CAN KICK LOGIC OUT AND DO THE IMPOSSIBLE!!

Chrome flinches.

CHROME (at Nehszriah): Nehs-san…?

NEHSZRIAH: One more question and we can get a break.

CHROME: Okay then… um… Bachelor Number Two, if you were a song, what would you be?

BOZO 2: BLEED IT OUT BY LINKIN PARK!! THE SONG IS SO HARDCORE AND MANLY!!

Bozo 2 starts bouncing in his seat, half-humming, half singing the lyrics to himself.

CHROME (sighing): Bachelor Number Three; same question.

PUTZ 3: Oh, I don’t know about describing myself using a song, but I love Queen. Somebody to Love, Killer Queen, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now, Crazy Little Thing Called Love…

NEHSZRIAH (deadpan): Cool it, Casanova.

PUTZ 3: Wheet-hoo! You’re mean!

Nehszriah face-palms.

CHROME: Bachelor Number One? How about you?

SCHMUCK 1: Mr. Brightside by The Killers. Well, it might explain my dad more than me, but…

Nehszriah scoots in front of the camera.

NEHSZRIAH: …aa~~~aand we’ll be right back after an important message from our sponsors!

Cheesy music plays and the screen cuts to black.