SETTING: A dark room, set entirely in pitch black. A lone man walks out into the center of the room and the camera gives him a close-up.

MAN: Hello. We apologize for any inconvenience, but since the Spanish Inquisition and Usopp are still in the middle of an epic battle and are ravaging the other sets, we have no commercial to show at the moment, so please take this time to look at some cute pictures of cats.

Soothing classical music plays.

Suddenly, the pictures and the music are cut off, leaving the man rather bewildered. Billy Meis walks in, holding a bottle of Oxi-Scrub.

MAN: What are you doing here?

BILLY MEIS: TALKING LIKE I HAVE CAPSLOCK ON! I TALK LIKE THIS BECAUSE EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT!

MAN: You mean everything?

BILLY MEIS: YOU BET’CHA!

MAN: You mean, even if you announced you had to take a leak, it would be important enough for that ridiculous tone?

BILLY MEIS: WHY OF COURSE! OTHERWISE, I WOULDN’T BE BILLY MEIS! BUY OXI-SCRUB! IT HAS ALL THE CLEANING POWER OF AN OX!

MAN: May I see that?

Billy Meis hands over the bottle, pleased that someone is taking interest. Quite suddenly, the man begins to beat Billy Meis with the bottle, a gleeful smirk on his face. Bodily innards of the reader’s choosing get splashed all over the place.

The screen awkwardly goes black.