SETTING: The gaudy stage, where Nehszriah is standing next to Chrome. The latter appears to be quite nervous, while the former seems to be arguing with the ceiling, yet is actually arguing with Minoru.
MINORU (offscreen): All I’m saying is that shouldn’t the host of Ai no Otaku be a little more enthusiastic about the romance of Valentine’s Day?
NEHSZRIAH: It’s a load of ruddy rubbish; superficial is what I say.
CHROME: Erm… Nehs-san…
NEHSZRIAH: Not now Chrome-chan. I’m trying to make a point… and another thing…
CHROME: …but the cameras are rolling again, Nehs-san.
Nehszriah glances at the camera and blanches, realizing the tape is rolling. Her nose begins to twitch and she allows a sideways stare to turn her around, which completely reverses her face into an enthusiastic grin.
NEHSZRIAH: A~~~~~ll right then Chrome-chan! You have asked these three lucky bachelors questions to find out their personalities! They are three very different men, but who would you chose for your date? Bachelor Number One?
SCHMUCK 1: Whatever.
NEHSZRIAH: Bachelor Number Two?
BOZO 2: WHERE’S MY LITTLE BRO? HE’D THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS!
NEHSZRIAH (sighs): …or Bachelor Number Three?
PUTZ 3: Meow…?
Tense music plays as Chrome ponders over which of the other contestants to choose. People in the audience yell out their own opinions; some choose One, others Three… and a few ponder over Two.
CHROME: Umm… uh…
The Final Jeopardy music plays as Chrome panics (she’s not the kind to insult others).
NEHSZRIAH: You’re almost out of time…
CHROME: O-One! Bachelor Number One!
The crowd cheers as the first curtain pulls back, revealing a rather irked Fujioka Haruhi. Nehszriah leads Haruhi over to Chrome, who smiles kindly as their hands are put together. Haruhi, however, is not pleased.
HARUHI: Karou and Hikaru are going to die.
NEHSZRIAH: Oi, Minoru! How ‘bout you show the audience at home our other contestants?
MINORU (off-screen): Before I begin, I have to say that each of our runners-up will get a complimentary copy of Miroku’s new book: “How to Pick Up Total Hotties and Not Get Slapped.” Behind curtain number two i…
Without being told, Kamina from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann jumps out from behind the second curtain. He is already holding a copy of the monk’s book and strikes a dramatic pose.
KAMINA: I AM THE DEMON LEADER OF TEAM DAI-GURREN, THE GREAT KAMINA-SAMA!! JUST WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!!!?
NEHSZRIAH: Naaaa… a dumbass?
KAMINA: OI, OI, ONLY YOKO CAN CALL ME THAT!
Nehszriah sighs and smacks her forehead.
MINORU (off-screen): …and Bachelor Number Three is Fai D. Flourite!
Fai from RC Tsubasa walks out from behind the third curtain, also holding a copy of the book. He walks over to Kamina and gives it to him, all smiles.
FAI: Here you go; you’ll be needing it more than me. I think Kuro-woof won’t be too pleased with me if I came home with this.
KAMINA: ARE YOU A MECHANIC?
FAI: If you want me to be…
Kamina’s brain cell thusly dies. The cheesy music begins to play and the audience claps again.
NEHSZRIAH: Alright then folks! Tune in next week, same otaku channel, same otaku time, for Ai no Otaku!
Screen goes dark.
