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Epiphany

Sun Apr 19, 2009, 2:15 PM

* Mood: Isolated
* Listening to: "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough"-New Radicals
* Drinking: Chocolate Ensure

I've been thinking about it for a while, now. The root reason why I've been so off is the lack of caffeine. Anyone that knows me personally knows that I'm...addicted? Yeah, I'll go ahead and say addicted since it goes with what I found out. Here are my sympotoms:

-Irritable
-Headache
-Inability to Concentrate
-Drowsiness
-Insomnia
-Palpitations
-Biting at my lips til they bleed
-Depression

If you've read my past journals(and for those that have known what I'm like a school lately), you've noticed I've been more of a bitch than usual-leading my dad to believe that I have Intermittent Explosive Disorder(IED), which of course is still a slight possibility but I highly doubt it since it's not as frequent as it should be over the past 6 months. I've also had headaches, which is unusual for me. The inability to focus is really nothing new, but Mo and John notice that I've been zoning out a lot more recently and during class I can't pay attention anymore(I can make myself focus, I'm just lazy and it only works at school). Drowsiness and insomnia may sound contradictory, but if you think about it, it works. Drowsiness is just the feeling of being tired and insomnia is the inability to sleep-you can feel tired and not be able to sleep. As for the palpitations...that's the one thing that made me conclude I'm going through some kind of extreme caffeine withdrawal. Biting at my lips, or psuchomotor agitation to sound fancy, is something that's increased with me. Go to here and read up on the overuse of caffeine, here, and here.

And it's obviously true I've been feeling depressed lately, especially with all these things going on in my life. It's all just bad timing. All these combined also explain why I've been abnormally sick lately(except the nosebleeds, those are from the weather). I've also been craving chocolate, which is normal when I haven't had caffeine for a while and I need something to make me somewhat stable. I've been off caffeine for a while and only had a sip or two every couple of days. So, I need to have a separate savings for caffeine stuff-at least til summer. I don't want to deal with this during my AP an IB stuff. I'm gonna go shower now.

-KF

PS-I think analyzing my problems in such a way is a habit I got from my older brother