Hello everyone,
This weekend was indeed a very hard time for me. A lot has happened that really opened me to a whole light on what I really should be doing for myself and for my future I really want to create. I have made the decision to have moving out my number one priority. Rather then try to wait for everything to suddenly go right in this house I’m just going to take my life into my own hands. I really believe things will go a lot smoother when I finally have my own place to live. I know a lot will happen when I finally can come from under year’s worth of worry, stress, and just uncertainty. I don’t know how I’ll get there but I know its right there waiting for me. I really do need to be by myself and experience the peace of mind I really need. Not to mention I can actually do my clay crafts business full time which I can’t do here at home. That’s the reason why you haven’t seen any from me at all. It’s just too stressful trying to start a business when I don’t even have enough room to store my own clothes, books, and other things. We had plans to clean out the basement and we made the first move but I don’t have faith in it. I even had plans to clean out my own room so I can fit another table so I can have a fighting chance at it. I don’t have faith in that either because everything is always at a stand still. I wait and try to be patient but that went out the window during the weekend. I’m done now with everything, this house, waiting, my family (90% my mom and dad) bs, and just “this life in this house” I’m just done, and I can’t live in this house anymore.
So now I feel like I want to withdraw from a lot of things but at the same time I want to go full force on the ideas I already have. People have wonderful art and e-cards dedicated to me and I can’t even muster up the energy to comment because of what happened. I didn’t forget at all and I’ll comment on them once I get a chance. =__=0 I just need some time.
I’ll update again once I have a clearer mind, thanks for reading. :)
So last night I typed up my next challenge to post here for today (or tonight) called “holiday heroes”. Everything was perfect so I save and go about my way. The next morning when I come to open it word recovered a copy that my sister typed in. I said to delete the copy and I went to look for the original. I couldn’t find it and it wasn’t in the “recent” tab so I instantly went into my freaked out rage mode for about and hour. Searching ways to recover lost files, downloading program trials, and pretty much everything under the sun. Then I said “the hell with it” and angrily started retyping it when the thought came about “calling all holiday heroes”. Then I looked up that name and found the original file safe and sound. >:T
Then I went into the kitchen and told the cat how stupid I am, he jumped off the chair then rubbed my legs. ;A; <(why I love cats)
Lesson learned…
Hey all.
Firstly thanks for all who comment, faved, and hugged my two latest pictures, In the heat of battle and The Troll Brothers. It really means a lot of me!
But yeah there is nothing much going on really except my drawing status. I’ve been practicing and experimenting more with my pieces. I’ve even started a pencil drawing of my console boys. I got about 35% of it done but I have to do some edits and learn about faces more. It’s been a long time since I did some serious pencil shading in my work so I’m pretty excited with this picture. It’s also giving me a change to learn about how to shade the face realistically. It’s pretty fun for me now since I changed my attitude towards my art. I feel like I can do anything theses days so I’m trying new things more and more.
Oh, that reminded me an awesome book that I really need, this one. Its part of a series and goodness I wish these books were around when I was 14. These are by far the best “how to draw manga” books that I ever seen. Tons of information and resources that every artist needs beginner to advanced. The one I want is all about props because I want to practice that as well (I want to practice everything lol). It not only does it shows you visually but it explains the reason behind it to you. Where the older “how to draw manga books” lacks a lot in. There are pricier but it’s worth it. (Puts it on “must buy list”)
Getting back to what I was originally talking about, “I’m pretty much in love with art again”. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve been this amped over drawing/painting/CGing in years. I get inspired more and I can turn that into something I love more then something that falls flat and I end up not liking it much. :P The biggest change I saw in myself however is the fear. I always had fear of “stepping out the box” as in trying/practicing new things, as well the fear to starting something new. All of it boils down to scare if screwing the picture up. I still feel it sometimes (not as often) but it’s not a “block” like it use to be. It doesn’t even seem like its there anymore when I do feel it because I know whether it comes out good or not I’m always learning. I’m always growing and it will only get better when I try again. :D Thus my confidence in myself has been strengthening as well. I always thought my art (as a whole) was great but since I was so focus on the outside that thought didn’t really go far. Now that I take the outside out of the equation of it all I feel like I have my passion again. :3
With that my favorite holiday is coming up HALLOWEEN BABY YEAH. And that means I CAN MAKE HALLOWEEN PICTURES, and use orange and black in my pictures. I love making Halloween themed pictures; it’s just awesome beyond all reason. I think the best part is that I can draw my NYAF characters again. I think that I’m glad that they didn’t win so I can have them for myself. A lot of people liked them and I love them to death. Maybe I can make a mini comic with them. OH THE POSSIBLES.
I’m glad I wrote out this post, I was feeling really sucky before hand since my dad turned into his periodic douche bag mood again (I was having a good day I went out and everything). He said something very inappropriate to my family last night and I told him flat out the way I felt about him. I didn’t bother to talk or even look at him today so there is a very awkward air around the house. Hopefully we will be all to be able to sit down and talk about it. In any event I’m feeling great and re-newed again. :D
Thanks for reading!
As the title implies, I’m raging A LOT.
Because even though I don’t have to, I’m going to a family friends BBQ so I can avoid the neighbor and her fucking shitty family. Just like last time, she going to rally them up and start MORE drama if we’re in the house so everyone is leaving for the BBQ today.
I WANTED TO CONTINUE MY CONTEST PRIZE PICTURE AND BE LAZY TODAY.
Now I’m going to be at someone’s house/yard. And people will probably be in my face since I haven’t seen people in that neighborhood in years. I don’t feel like going outside or socializing, I just want to be in the house IN PEACE.
PLEASE STUPID NO GOOD NEIGHBOR HAVE ANOTHER OVERDOSE SO WE DON’T HAVE TO HEAR OR SEE YOUR UGLY MUG FOR ANOTHER 3 WEEKS. >:T
(Did I mention that she actually tried to come in the house two days ago ranting and raving AND we have video of it?)
Yeah, I’m really sick of her and her bullshit please croak/go to jail/harass another family thanks.
END RANT DESU
On a lighter note my mom got some sweet and salty popcorn from Hershey Park yesterday and I'm quite addicted to it. *w*
Once again I have to live in complete and utter bullshit.
Why do I have to live in such disappointment? Why do I have to deal with others insecurities? Why do the people that we despise most take SO long to DROP OFF THE EARTH?
I hate...
Read the full post »
