Dreams...
Dreams is that wonderful feeling when you know you're doing something right.
It's when the harshness of reality begins to quiet and your heart sings.
It's that look when you see yourself in the mirror and smile, knowing who you really are.
Dreams is the one thing that drives me, soothes me and keeps me alive.
It's the world I live in, the world of dreams... This wonderful, wonderful world.
This fulfilling world...
This world that is in my heart and thankful soul.
I guess before I officially start, I finally uploaded some new art! It's called Bubble Gum Beauty, go and check it out!
Speaking of art, I think a lot of this post will include my honest thoughts about my relationship with my art and the rest of the world. ( NNOOPPPEEE sorry about that this post has NOTHING to do with that subject as it turns out lol)
Update on My Life Overhaul
But first a general update, since my last world post I've been keeping my word to changing my life. I've been doing my belly dancing exercise work out 5 days a week for a whole month. I feel the difference in my body and I love it, I think I see some changes too. Now I'm trying to learn the actual dance so I can well, belly dance haha! I fell in love with it years ago but was too shy and embarrassed to try to learn it (read dancing by myself) on my own. But I've gotten over that fear so I'm a lot more willing and determined to learn!
I've been eating a lot more healthier, my parents are buying more healthy things for me so that helps 10 fold. Besides the intense cravings I had once or twice I haven't been snaking on junk food, at least a lot less now, I'm a lot (even) more conscious about what I eat.
Your ideal boy/girlfriend? | How I feel about relationships
As far as my emotional health, I've been doing a lot to face all my fears and issues still and I see great improvement because of it. I'm a lot happier, more content and not so wrapped up in the small things in life, it's a great feeling! I went as far as getting a book on love and relationships that's really helping me get over my fears about love. Which goes into my question(s) to you all! Do you have an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you afraid of "falling" in love or being in a committed relationship? Do you shun love (relationship wise) but are a true romantic at heart? (like me XD)
I know, it's so embarrassing! I'll be honest (like I'm never honest on here really) I freaking LOVE romance. I mean the bubbly, fantasy, dream world and fairy tale kind of romance. Full of that being whisk away by some mysterious (and hot) stranger in some fairy tale dream land that doesn't exist on earth. Then to find out his a prince or some kind of magical (and hot) guardian thing *brain explodes* I just can't get enough of it, I really can't.
Speaking of just that, I recently watched spirited away after not seeing it in YEARS, and omg I love that movie so much. I've been dying to watch it again after I watched it for the second time but I haven't been in the right "mood" for it. Haku is so awesome, I love his voice and personality GAHHHH. He's hardcore without being a freaking douche bag and has this obvious sweet side to him. Not to mention he's a real cutie (pedobear much he looks like he's freaking 12).
Getting back to the original topic, yes, I LOVE love and romance but the idea of being in a relationship I was always "MEH" to me. Granted I only "really" wanted a boyfriend once in my life honestly, every other time was pretty much me fantasying (anime/video game/k/j-pop boyfriends anyone?) then an actually wanting one LOL. That and I'm fiercely independent with a tall order of the lone wolf syndrome, so yeah, relationships were never on my list of things to do. With that said, I love having friendships, I feel that friendships are more stable and reliable, they always seem to mean more to me then the having a idea of being with someone.
BUT I'm willing to let go of my preconceived ideas about how hopeless, flaky and hugely RETARDED relationships/people can be. To open my heart where maybe I can met someone even though I won't be actively looking for one or even sure I want one. Or... Let me rephrase that, open my heart where it's not as closed off to people. Not so I can find Mr.Right, he'll probably find me anyway, but so that I can be able to love and give more naturally to anyone. So when he does come along, I'll be able to accept him (or reject him lovingly LOL) and not want to hide under a rock because of my own fears and doubts.
Plus, knowing that us, ourselves, are solely responsible for ourselves and not give our power to anyone else to make us happy or sad takes the scary out of it. Yes, I'm sharing my heart with you, but you have no power to break it (or other wise) ultimately. So even though I'm " vulnerable" I never gave up my OWN power to another person. I'm still whole, sane and worthy for true and real love. And if it doesn't work out, guess what, it wasn't meant to be anyway and I'll probably spot the red flags and have enough guts to move on before the relationship takes a nasty turn.
But yeah... My LONG thoughts of relationships and where I stand about them lol.
K-POP FEVER!
Before I go, I've been watching more k-pop bands last night, mostly girl ones and OMG they have some of the cutest songs and videos. Even though I'm not a fan of more blaring hip hop/rap/too sexy songs/dance/videos, I love the ones that still has that "cuteness" or something that makes it k-pop and not "insert American singer/rapper in a different language" thing. I don't think the songs are bad or anything, just not my style... what so ever...
Okay last thing, again LOL! I freaking love U-Kiss! I've been watching their variety show "U-kiss Vampire and omg they are so freaking funny! I never been in love with a band as much as this one. Everyone is so sweet and/or silly I want to huggle them all! Seriously, if you need a laugh or just watch something different I highly recommend that! Just watching them outside of the music videos makes me love the music even more! :D
Okay that's it, this was a huge post! Maybe I'll post my thoughts about art on a later date (read in a month or two LOL)
Don't forget the question/thoughts about your ideal boy/girlfriend! :D
Wow, it's been pretty much a month since my last encounter here, posting in my world that is.
New World order Design
Well, if you didn't notice, I completely changed this world design...TWICE. AHEM, I completely fallen in love with K-pop, a lot more than the first time I got into it. It's kind of crazy because... well, I don't know haha! When I first saw Shinee's newest video "Sherlock" I totally fallen in love with it (and Teamin OMGF that hair), then that love only grew when I started to watch all the k-pop clips on youtube. So now I can safely say that I'm a fan of K-pop.
I have a few favorites too, Teamin of course from Shinee, changshung from 2PM, and finally Heechul from Super Junior. UGGHHHNNN I can't really pick out my top favorite because they are all so freak'n cute and have awesome personalities *rolls around*. I love seeing the random youtube clips of all of them because I can see their personalities more. Changshung makes me laugh every time, such a clown. Teamin is so innocent but then he can look all sexy and that makes my head explode and Heechul has wit like crazy.... *ROLLS AROUND THE HOUSE*
So yeah, that's been my reality for the last few weeks, me watching something k-pop related everyday. I've become such a fan that I decided to change my world design twice which is saying a lot! But yeah, I love it and it really does make me happy and smile enormously! And I want to give a special shout out to Kelsey (Angel Zakuro) for making my last icon of Sailor Mini Moon. I loved it so I never did change it haha! If you ever want an icon or whatever don't hesitate to ask! :D
PMing Question
Speaking of friends, I have a question. Do you think its weird to PM a person/acquaintance/friend just to chat and catch up with the person? I know, I sound really weird since this should be a "normal" thing to do, but I always fear that the person I PM will think I'm a weirdo for just wanting to chat. I always wanted to just have a PM frenzy on here but that fear kept me from doing it LOL. Since a lot of my close friends are becoming more and more rare with posting and etc I want to know what they are up too, and have that common bond again... :P I'm sounding so sappy but I always enjoyed the community here and I don't want that to die out even if I'm not posing as much. *3*
Mew Mew Yours Truly Life Metamorphosis!
Okay, so I guess the last thing is that I'm totally revamping my life! I'm go get lean, eat healthy-er, buy new clothes, going back to my creative endeavors again, change around my room and pretty much start living the life I always wanted to live. It's weird because I tired to do it before but I never gave it enough effort or got lazy/depressed/etc and just stopped.
This time around since my life have been getting so intense lately I need to match my outside with the inside. All the old things and habits I use to do, I'm willing to let it go and move forward. I'm learning that it's human to screw up... a lot... a lot a lot. When I let go of being perfect and just "do it" whatever it is I want to do, things turn out fine even if I don't get my expected outcome. I normally just end up learning a lot from them if I don't get too caught up in my perceived failures.
So yeah, this year so far has been a true learning lesson time and time again. I'm learning a lot about myself and I see the difference it's been making in my life. One day, I want to condense this all down into a series of books so that other people can learn about what I went through! :)
Okay, I think that's enough from me! A lot has happened since I last posted but those things are the most important I guess. Don't forget about my question too lol. (it's such a silly question you don't have to answer if you don't want too!)
Oh boy do I have some stories to tell! A lot has happened in the last few weeks, hell even the last few days.
Booming business?
Of course I'll start with my angel readings. I've been getting a lot of good ideas for them which been working out quite well. It's kinda strange since I'm not use to something going this successful without a major hiccup in either the whole concept or just my emotions where I get discouraged. But alas! Things have been working out in my favor and I see myself being really successful in this! :D One of the major changes that I did yesterday was lowered the prices of most of readings. Then I went and opened up a free mini reading slam on the new agey forum that I use to frequent regularly. Oh boy, I was doing readings ALL AFTERNOON yesterday and best of all I got an order! :D So I was pretty busy yesterday, it felt really good.
Sitting here waiting for everything to happen when you want success so much is really tire some, but good things come to those who wait and I'm praying that this is MY TIME finally! And in better news I got my second repeat costumer today, I was so excited EEEEE! XD So yeah, things are really going well and SHAMELESS PROMOTION TIME if you're interested in a reading or at least want to try it out, I have the mini readings for $1.50! They are really fun, fast and insightful! :D
Facing my demons
Everything have been surprising emotional for me and one of the reasons is that I've challenged myself to face my most pressing issues! It's as crazy as it sounds but you know what, it's not that bad. I feel a lot more free being really really honest with myself about how bad I felt about myself and my life.
Even though I'm hellishly determined, I used that to cover up the constant pain and feeling like I'm not good enough in whatever I do. I can recover fast when I get hit hard by reality, but I never stop to think about what I'm really fighting for, and how it effects me. I just have a goal and I have to get to it, no matter what.
I want to be really successful and make a lot of money (and mostly move the fuck out), but I've been thinking about the destination way too much. To the point where I was just thinking about the "stuff" and all that I can do when I get there. But when I try too hard I burn out or have an emotional down turn, it trips me every time and I try again, then rinse and repeat.
When I decided to tackle this head on, I was just amazed of how complex of a system I was running off of. Where I made this "little world" in my mind that I had to overcome before I felt good enough to be successful, which was the reason of my "overly" determined nature. Even though my life has gotten "better" in some areas, I kept the "struggling" mentality with me and blew it up where "everything" was a challenge in a half. So yeah, nothing was working. At least not without busting my ass and/or running around in circles because I was making it that way subconsciously. And that was only the tip of the iceberg
I can honestly say that I NEVER came to such a realization before and it was probably a life changing one. Since that night I felt a peace of knowing that I didn't have to jump over the moon for success or climb over everyone else to get there. I can still be just as determined, but I know what I'm fighting for. Instead of wanting so much to cover up my deep feelings of lack, I just want to start doing what I love (card readings, art, crafts and etc) and get there when the time is right. I know what I want is mine already, I just have to get over myself to really get it. :)
I faced more demons as the days rolled by and I honestly feel a quality of self that I never quite felt before. It's like being totally sure of yourself but in a deeper way. This is just the beginning too, I'm not totally out the woods yet, but I can say that I probably faced my deepest issues.
WIP
Before I go, I wanted to show you all the sketch I just did! I didn't draw anything in a few weeks, but when I started drawing tonight I could see so much improvement. That and how easy it was to simply sit down, draw and have some fun. I started to get tense a few times, but I straighten myself out and let myself relax to have fun again. The drawing is so fun and fresh. I really want to see this picture though and finish it the way it's suppose to be!
Thank you all for reading and supporting me even though I've been busy with other things! Love you all, take care!
The very first thing I want to talk about is of course my angel card reading business. After finally learning how to put my card reading fan page under my personal FB page, I was able to have full control of my fan page. I could comment, post on other pages and most of all interact as "Follow Your Inner Child Readings" instead of Amy on face book. I wasn't able to do so before which was really strange. I would comment on something, and the comment would show up right when I made it, but if I leave the page and come back to it, it would disappear.
Now that I got that settled, and started to interact with others on FB, I've been getting more pageviews and overall activity then ever on my blog and fan page! I've gotten more then 20 new followers on the fan page, since I switched it over which was on the week of Valentine's day. I'm so excited because people enjoy the page, and I can finally put myself out there fully!
Also, my good friend Les have been helping me with marketing and getting my name out there. She had printed out my flyers and business cards to have them in an new age store in her area. I also did a card reading for the store owner which the store owner loved! The card reading is up in the store for people to look at as well.
I also started a blog post series that's gotten great feedback even before I started it officially!
Having all of this happen in the last few weeks have been the closest thing to a miracle I've seen in a long time, because finally I SEE things improving and looking up. I don't have to have this undying faith that it will, I see it coming together on its own. It's great because I need this to work since so many other things didn't seem to work before or work as well as my readings in such a short amount of time.
Here is a link of my fanpage if you're curious about it. :D
Vacation time with Brandon... sort of
I went to Brandon's house for a few days. I left on Wednesday night and came back on Friday night. It was fun but for one thing... I WAS STARVING most of the day on Thursday. Brandon have to walk me down to the kitchen if I want to get something to eat, because his mom gets ragey or something when we do now. She asks "what are you doing in the kitchen"... Think about that for a second. WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH COULD WE BE DOING besides getting food, like really? I'm sure we're making bombs and planning terroristic events against America at large. Or worst which I won't get into, but that kind of soiled the visit because I had to wake Brandon up from his sleep just to get some food. I hate walking people up in their sleep. I feel like they are going to snap at me for it... That and I just felt bad that I had to pester Brandon just to eat, it's really ridiculous, but I rather do that then have his mom go ape shit on him for me being there. :/
I don't go to his house often but if I spend more then 15 minutes there, I overstay my welcome (in the mom's eyes) in some fashion. Granted, all we do is play video games, watch t.v and other things in his room, but I feel rather uncomfortable if I'm not around him in his house. It kinda sucks, but I'll remember to pack food rations so I can at least have something to snack on so I don't have to wake up Brandon.
Artys Fartsy
Last thing I want to talk about is of course my art. I've been drawing a bit more lately, mainly on the weekends since I don't have as much to do during that time. I've started around 2-3 drawings that I want to complete and post here but I wouldn't hold my breath.
As much as I love to draw and start a business in that, it's simply not the right time, but I desperately need to draw more and have that total creative outlet. The good news about that is, I'm getting use to my schedule on the weekday, and things are not as stressful as they use to be, so I can fit a drawing session in more easily. If anything, I want to start doodling and such so I can have something to post. We'll see what happens.
Oh man, has it been really a month since I last posted a world post? I can barely believe it. I never even mentioned my Christmas or New Years I think. Both was fine, Christmas was VERY bitter sweet though, mostly because everyone was depressed and my parents had a nasty argument that evening. New Years was great because Brandon was over, my mom was strangely happy and my dad was out I think. So yeah, that's pretty much it with that.
Thank you everyone that commented on my last post! It was quite insightful, I'm going to have more questions for you guys for the future! :D
All about the business
I haven't been active here at all as you can tell, mostly because I haven't drawn much of anything and I have been focused on my angel card readings. It's been sucking up a lot of my time, with all the advertising, creating blog posts, free raffles and events; I didn't even have time to write proper blog posts for it. So now I'm not going to do so much and just have this Valentines day livestream event and that's all. You guys are more then welcome to come if you want, it gives you all a chance to see what I do lol. Though, I've been thinking about holding some free ones over here for the people that are curious about them. It would be fun because I probably won't be working with such complex lives of older people, I would be working with my own age group that probably have the same aspirations as I do. Something that I have a passion for.
Random new family van
Things have been going in the right direction in the last week. In a complete random event, my dad brought a white family van last Sunday. My dad is so happy, and it seems that my parents had made up so things are not as tense as they use to. I'm happy too, but a big part of me still wants to get the hell out of dodge. I forgot to mention that I can go get my physical and permit so I can FINALLY learn how to drive. Seeing so many other's around me learning and driving was really pissing me off.
Honestly hour
It's strange, because all of my old feelings of wanting success of all kinds completely risen from the depths of my heart again. I want to have a steady income so I can really plan to move out, without selling my soul to the job market. I've seen my friend Jer go through what I most dread about any job; get sucked dry for everything you're worth for some cash. Good income or not, it never pays off if you have a melt down or two. That and having a subpar job that's not in your passion, the job is okay, you know how to do what they asked for, but its never anything you went to school for or want to do fulltime.
I'm so different in the way that I work and view things that I feel like there is no job for me out there, unless I make one for myself. Then there comes the whole marketing aspect of that. You have to work your tail off to get your own business off the ground, and quite frankly I'm sick of waiting for that big break. A sale once a month isn't much of anything, but I guess having less time to do it, to work for some smock for less money then you're worth isn't anything either.
Gah, I didn't want to sound like a downer today but this week have been rough for me emotionally. I've been really exhausted for most of the week, not to mention I'm feeling quite envious of people that seems to have it together, or just more successful then me. I don't like feeling that way because they could be going through a lot more then I'm "seeing" but I can't help to feel like "damn, s/he got so successful so fast, where the hell is my success?" *sigh*
Beauty and the Beast in 3D
Crap, with all my bicthing and moaning I forgot to mention that me and Brandon went to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D today. The movie was GREAT! If you love the movie then you need to see it in 3D, all the best parts of the movie is even greater in 3D. Going there today made me realize how much I really love the movies. I want to go more often but it can be expensive, like $40-$50 dollars for two people expensive. I paid too since Brandon's plans fell through, so he didn't have the money to take us like he planed. I didn't mind since I asked my dad for it anyway lol. I still have some change left over that I can throw in my account too. The only downer I can think of is that the little bit of people/children that were there was a bit too talkative in some parts.
One time they are talking out loud and god it was so annoying. Not to sound like a complete dick, but children and babies (more babies then children) shouldn't be allowed in movie theaters LOL. The crying really gets in the way of trying to enjoy it, and some children are just fucking rude. I mean its not rocket science to whisper your needs to your mom, or know that the movies isn't the park where you can be loud and stuff. *dick mode over*
But yeah, the movies were great. I plan to go see some more in the future.
I think that's about it. I'm hoping my mood won't go the shitter this week. I'm going to promise myself not to get so wrapped up in other's successes and focus on myself, and on my needs.
