Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
Goodbye, Halcyon Days
Winter vacation's over. And that means back to teaching jr. high kids for me.
The school I got actually isn't that bad, but.....still not like elementary. I was telling a friend of mine tonight that I thought the kids there were all pretty nice, & he said, "Then that's all you need." And I thought, um...no, it's not. The kids are never really a problem. Sure there were a few that I really didn't like at 2 of the 4 schools I was stuck at, but for the most part, even the ones I wasn't fond of I didn't mind. I like kids. Obviously, I wouldn't have been working with them this long if I didn't. It's the adults that make me crazy. It always has been. No matter where I was living. I've never had patience for adults. They always over complicate things with their confusion. I don't mind the ones at this school so much for some reason though. Possibly because of my "New Year's Resolution", or possibly b/c I remembered something about myself over break. Although, one of those was really caused by the other anyway...
Winter vacation was pretty awesome now that I think about it. Besides "Mitchiko E Hatchin" I watched a ton of Naruto, read all of Kuroshitsuji, started reading Tegami Bachi, & got caught up on all the stuff I normally read & watch that had fallen behind since the last few weeks before break were too stressful for me to think about them. It reminded me of the spring and winter vacations of the few years before I came to Japan. Nobody to take care of. Nothing to worry about. Nowhere I was needed. Watching Naruto made me want to watch it all from the beginning again. For like, the 8th time. It made me even more connected to my "Kakashi-side" again too. Not to say that my "Hayato-side" is lessening or anything, but he is a bit of a kid after all.
I'm still finding strange gaps in my language patterns. It's possible that they were always there & it's not even related to the English/Japanese thing. In fact, it's quite likely that's the case. While I'm good at spinning words around, I'm absolutely terrible at actually saying anything. And probably it's always been that way.
...and you're walking away, and I will drown in the fear...
The Suppression of Darkness
I might be the biggest retard ever. Remember how I was complaining that Wiki got lazy & was only showing half the chapters in each volume of Bleach? Well....apparently there's these things called columns......and now there are two for each volume, takes up less vertical space and all...
I need a vacation.
6 schools, 2 private lessons, and 1 meeting left & I seriously might not make it.
On 2 of the past 3 days I've almost lost my temper at someone I was teaching. The third day, I wasn't teaching anyone, so it almost doesn't count. I like teaching. Mostly. But sometimes......well, Iruka-sensei has the same problem.....
I'm not overly patriotic, but it seems I have less and less patience for people who stereotype all Americans as conceited idiots who think they have to police the world. I'm well aware that some people who think that actually exist. However, I'm getting pretty sick of defending myself as not being one of them simply because I happened to be born in the same general vicinity. And even more tired of having to explain that where I'm from everyone's different from everyone else (and that's not just in the US, I'm pretty damn sure...) and that, no, I don't know what "all Americans" think b/c I can't read minds. If we all thought the same thing we wouldn't be American, we'd be Borg. As we are not, I cannot tell you what "we" think.
I'm also not particularly concerned with whether every single kid in every single class I teach is hanging on my every word, that would be unrealistic, but......I have hardly any patience left for entire classes of 6th graders who talk over me. The entire 45 minutes I'm with them. And even less for their teachers who do nothing about it. Ignoring a disruptive kid to get him to stop is one thing, standing in the middle of a circus and pretending you believe it's a classroom is just stupid. Righteous Iruka-style anger is one thing, Kakashi really isn't something you people want to see me turn back into.....let's try to get our shit together, shall we?
Hell is other people...
The Howling Tempest
We had a typhoon last night/this morning. There wasn't much rain, just crazy wind. It woke me up at 5am even though I can usually sleep through just about anything. After all my years of Florida hurricanes and thinking it was no big deal I can't believe it scared me today. Something about that screech against my 6th floor window while it was still dark outside was a bit too much...
My school for today canceled classes so I was stuck going to the city office instead. Boooorrrrriiinnnngggg.......and I couldn't even get there at first! The buses were stopped until 7am and the smaller of our 2 train lines was stopped till 9:30. I gave up on it at about 8:30 though and walked back to the other station since it wasn't raining. By the time I got to work it was blue skies and puffy white clouds everywhere. Typical. I can't even begin to count the amount of times the same thing happened back in Florida, or Louisiana for that matter. Cancel school and you are guaranteed the storm will end with more than enough time for kids to gloat about the free day they're getting.
Recently I can't seem to do anything but draw. At home, at school, at the office, at my friends' apartments....it's kind of scary....I've got a huge backlog of photos on my computer waiting to be posted & my fanart is getting kind of ridiculously full. I finished all the jr.high kids presents & only have one more elem one left to do. Yay! Then I have until the end of February before I get more....ugh....but in the interim I have a couple of stories I want to sketch out and get good character designs done for. Well, at least one of them if I can manage it anyway!
It's October now. I'm starting to get nervous about the weather. I know it won't really be cold for a while, but I can't help dreading it anyway. I am excited about the stuff I get to wear in fall at least. I got a new hoodie with rabbit ears! It's black and wooly. I'm wondering if I can get away with wearing it to the office party tomorrow night. Probably not.....
I seem to be having a character-love relapse lately. For the longest time I was all, 
KakashiKakashiKakashiKakashi and then I got kind of over him and was whatever about characters for a while. There were a few I liked, but nothing like that. And then out of nowhere it was all HayatoHayatoHayatoHayato for the past 6 months or so, but......
....there's a reason I have this tatoo after all.
The Icecold Discord
I like music. I'd like to think that I like it more than the average person, but that might just be because I'm a bit conceited. Either way, I can only go so long without listening to it. I know if the time limit is exceeded b/c I just start singing on my own. I can only feel certain ways when listening to certain things. Or I only want to listen to certain things when I feel certain ways......
I actually can't write this right now without listening to two three specific songs. I need them to get the feeling right, to make the words flow better. But even so I wonder if the importance I place on lyrics is another form of self-fulfilling prophecy that I've talked myself into allowing. Sometimes though, someone else's words are just better.
"Don't know whether or not how sad I just got was of my own volition or if I'm just missing the sun. Lately the weather has been so bipolar, and consequently so have I."
I really hate Tuesday. I've always hated Tuesday.
I also hate the cold. I've always hated that too. No surprise there.
I might hate a few too many things sometimes....
"When February rolls around I'll roll my eyes, turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies."
I knew I'd be upset when it got cold again. I knew it, & I said it, & I was prepared for it, & it happened anyway. Or did it happen because I expected it to? I was so enjoying those false Spring days last weekend & somehow, yesterday I was still holding on to the hope that it might actually last. That the weather forecast would be wrong. Why not? It's wrong all the time in Florida.
"The wind would come and the sun would shine. I'd go outside and I'd squint my eyes. But for now I'll simply just withdraw, sit here and wish for this world to thaw."
It didn't happen. I was cold all day & like a true Southerner in hibernation mode I overslept worse than I have in years. It was nice to note that I can still make it from bed to door in 7 minutes flat I suppose...but I was tired & hungry & cold and with jr. high school kids all day long. Misery, really.
"Let the waves come up and drag me down. Let the hurricane set in motion. Let the rain of what I feel right now come down."
But still, all in all, I can't say it was a bad day. I got some belated Valentine chocolate from my favorite student, had coffee with the mother of my special ed student & found out she loved English as a kid, & had 5 girls trying to fix my hair at the same time. Delightful, really.
"It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive."
Fang & Sting
I am done with Naruto. If Kakashi is dead I'm not reading it anymore. 
This weekend was Halloween. It's my favorite holiday and I didn't celebrate it at all. I think I felt the same way last year at this time, but I'm rather unfulfilled here lately. Sometimes I look around and think what am I doing? I go to work, I go out, I sit on the internet. It's no different than when I lived in the US. It's not because I don't have it good here, it's much better here than anywhere else money wise, friend wise, health wise....you name it, it's better in Japan. It's no different here, because I'm no different. All this time I've sat around thinking I'm getting stronger and I can do things, but I can't. There are things I want to do that everyday I tell myself I will do, and yet I don't.
So right now Beth and I are talking about being in a rut. I've thought of a good analogy. When you're looking up from the bottom of the well the walls are steep and slick. It seems impossible to ever escape from that deep hole of misery. What you don't realize is that if you'd just stop trying to scale the slimy walls and look behind you, you'd see the door that leads to the marble staircase up and out. Easy as pie. I never got myself into a situation I couldn't get myself out of.
