Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....

....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.

Rosa Rubicundior, Lilio Candidior

(Can anyone tell me if that's Spanish, Portugese, or just gibberish?)

I like contradictions. I like them in me, in other people, and between people too. The contrasting things that exist that make you go, "Why??" and then smile about it.

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to a few kids. Not an uncommon thing for me since I see most of my students anywhere from 1 to 10 times total. These were somewhere in the middle, about 5 times over the past 2 years. They're in their last year of elementary school now and I won't be going back there before they graduate. I let myself get a bit carried away I guess, talking about Reborn! and other anime, telling them to work hard and not be scared even if the person coming to teach them English wasn't me for a while. I let myself forget for a minute that kids are like rubber bands, and they're pretty good with out-of-sight-out-of-mind. They forget you and they're fine.

But there was this one kid....

This one kid whose name I'd remembered since the first time I went to the school. He's that noisy, smart, "look at me, I'm good at stuff!" kind of kid that only knows how to show he wants your attention by being mean and making jokes when you first meet. Luckily, I used to be (?) that kid too, so I know how to win them over. Ever since my first visit he's done nothing but hang around the meeting room where I stay between classes. To the point that teachers come and try to chase him away. They still don't get that it's boring sitting there all by myself....

This kid is a bit of a contradiction I suppose. Loud and annoying, but thoughtful and in need of affection.

So yesterday as I was leaving the principal and other semi-important adults lined up around the doorway to say goodbye. (This also happens a lot, but I'll never get used to it. It fees like overkill. It's not like I'm going off to war or something.) They'd chased the kids off and though I wanted to go home, I didn't really want to leave. I let myself get carried away. So they said goodbye, and thank you (about 9 times) and I put my shoes on and walked out into the courtyard. And just as I was turning away I heard a little voice shout, "Goodbye!!" and I looked back, back into the school, behind the teachers, up onto the staircase, and there he was waving sadly and even from that distance I could see the look in his eyes.

Maybe I'm just being dramatic and imagining things. Kids forget about you as they grow up. They only think they're attached when you're there.

But still, I said, "Goodbye S******-kun!" and waved. And then walked quickly out the gate telling myself I'd be an idiot to cry over something like this. So I sent a text to my 3 guy friends begging for something to cheer me up. (And here comes the real point of this......5 paragraphs later.......)

Me: " Remind me why I don't need to cry over never seeing a certain kid again?"

Friend A: "it's ok! you might see him again. unless.......is he moving away or something? what happened?"

Friend B: "because when he becomes a jrhs kid you won't like him anymore & when he's a salaryman he'll get drunk, stare at your tits, & take a picture up your skirt to beat off to"

Yes, these 2 are actually friends with each other, not just me......Friend C didn't answer, but I was ok by then so I guess I can forgive him....

And here we see two different ways of....of what exactly? Of looking at life? Of dealing with a whiny girl? Who knows.....the one looking through rose colored glasses perhaps, and the other a little bit ridiculous but perfectly candid. While both the answers made me smile, especially they way they came with the quickness (5 minutes after I sent my message) it's the contrast that I really find entertaining.

So I thought, "hmm.....what a nice contradiction we have here....." and I put the question to my girlfriends.

(aren't they cuuuute??)

I didn't explain the whole story, just asked them hypothetically, "if you said this," (didn't mention to whom it was said either) "which answer would you rather get? A or B?"

Inevitably, because they're girls, and relatively normal, they both said "A". The younger one quite resoundingly, as if there was no possible way anyone could ever want to hear anything else. The older a bit more reservedly, "I guess......A.....", but I think she's reading my questioning a bit and can guess where I'm going with this.

As for me, I much prefer "B". (Not because I'm still slightly infatuated with that particular friend or anything like that....) Because along with contradictions, I like distractions. I might have been sad, but now I'm laughing my ass off imagining S******-kun getting older. I remembered that kids get older. They forget about you, not because they didn't care, but because it's the experience that counts when you're growing up, not the person.

"We may meet today but we may not meet tomorrow. Time never repeats itself"

6/17 op. 3 Memories in the Rain

It's raining again. I'd like to say I hate the rain more than any other kind of weather, but that would obviously be a lie. It's the cold I hate most.

#1: "I might crumble, I might take a fall again"

I've been reading all my old entries today. I didn't mean to spend quite so much time on it, but I wanted to fix the broken links, pictures, tags, etc. & got caught up in things of the past. It's interesting to remember. Of course, that's what it's all for isn't it? In order to remember, or rather, in order to not forget. It's funny how I can see things happening while they're happening and still be unable to prevent their progression. I hate when I think I'm awake but I'm really not.

I've been wanting to redesign my banner & stuff for a while now, but it seems I've run out of time for that kind of thing today. This vacation was a bit too short for my taste. Time to start looking forward to summer!

the 2nd series: "April is the Cruelest Month"

I love Aaron Sorkin. He's pretty much my idol as far as writers go. I was considering doing a parody ep for my show using November in the title instead of April, but, in fact he was right. I've watched "Sports Night" all the way through countless times (ok, maybe.....about 6?) and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" twice. I never wanted to watch "The West Wing" because it's about politics. The others are about making TV shows. I like that kind of thing, writing, producing, acting, the craziness that comes naturally with being someone who does those kinds of things. I don't like politics. In fact, I hate them. But I gave in. It's 7 seasons & I'm only on the 2nd so far, but damn if it isn't awesome. Of course, I should have known the main characters would still be writers. Speech writers, not comedy or (sports) news this time, but passionate (possibly more so) nonetheless. And even better there's all these things that keep popping up that I recognize & get all excited about. Matching episode titles, parallel characters, cameo actor appearances, even word for word repeated lines. Straight out of fucking "Sports Night." There's all these storylines, themes that he obviously wasn't done with, didn't get to work out the way he needed to thanks to idiots canceling his show, that are being revisited, fixed, better explored now & it's almost like I can watch his thought processes spinning. I'm guessing once I get closer to the end, the beginnings of "Studio 60" will start showing themselves too.

3 days of heaven: "slip into coma calm, the coma where I calm myself down"

I went to Comiket again during Golden Week. It lasted 2 days this time. Sarah & her bf came along for the first one, but I think they were a bit traumatized. Or, he was at least. A little too much doujinshi for a first timer...and perhaps a side of his girlfriend he didn't really want to know existed. Oh well. I'm not too upset about it. I spent way too much money of course. Maye 1.5 times as much as last time? かな? It's ok of course, I've got enough. And it makes me happy. Flying, crazy happy like seeing Less Than Jake live. I got a bit sunburnt waiting in line outside Tokyo Big Sight, but it's probably not too bad. It didn't matter because I was happy like being at AnimeFestivalOrlando used to make me happy. Was having crazy flashbacks of sitting at that damn information table and eating nothing but Pocky for an entire weekend b/c I had no food, time to go buy it, or money left after getting stuff in the goods-hall anyway. It's enough happy to last until who knows when.

I'm looking out at the blue-ing sky right now & thinking, "I could read my new books, but.....maybe I should get outside to the store first."

I think I've been asleep for a while now. Must be time to wake up.

A Jail Called Remorse

It's over.
I read it all.
There's no more.
I thought there was more coming, but I was wrong.
Again.

OK, so I'm being melodramatic. Obviously. It's just a story. (someone keep telling me that, please...)

-I keep having this urge to type song lyrics into my post. I used to do this weird thing where every other phrase was one. It usually ended up not making much sense.-

So in the end, it was worth reading I think. Of course I still can't help wishing it wasn't over. Can't help wishing I'd stretched it out just a little bit longer. Wishing I'd slept a bit more in between. Yeah, more sleep would definitely have helped with a lot of things.

-Ok, maybe just a few....-

Of course, now that it's done. I can't change this. It's done. I can never take this back. And that's all there is to it. I can't change your mind. No going back, no pretending.

"For once a thing has been known, it can never again be unknown."

-bleh, enough of that-

It's a sad thought, but maybe a little bit hopeful too. Once you know something, you can try to understand it and then maybe look at it in a different way. Maybe the next time I'll see it from another character's point of view. Maybe I can see beyond the confine's of Edward's self-sacrificing, self-blaming, overprotective head.

Or maybe not.
It's not like he could ever act differently either.