Please call me izioy =] i enjoy talking about anything and everything so post comments and i'll do my best to return the favor =].
I love many things and i'm pretty chatty... i'll speak about my life and the boredom that keeps me writing =]! enjoy my page thankyou 
okay so its a little bit sad
because i cant think of anything i really feel like writing
well actually to be honest
the one thing i'd have to actually talk about would be about
my new family the one that i had visited in virginia a few weeks ago
and my already family which was my step brother and sister
who i spent the week with and who i miss because they only stayed for the week
ughh i dont even know what i want to say
i wish they could just stay here forever live with us
and just stay with us in our home rather then their moms
its not because i hate their mom or anything like that but
they're better off with us
and i dont know whats been up with me at all lately
i feel like such a female dog
i keep feeling like i'm acting so selfish and its so strange because i am in an unintentional way and its like i cant stop it yet everyone's hurt by it
so what in the world am i supposed to do? analyze everything i do i dont want to live like that because that isnt living its dying because you have to watch everything they do
ughh i feel so frustrtated inside
like my step-dad says that i'm trapped between becoming an adult and wanting to stay a child
I HATE THIS FEELING
simply because thats just it how are you supposed to pick theres no specific age where someone says "hey be an adult your done being a child"
and its like i never really was like a child, not for long at least
i had the 2 years where all i cared about was myself and no one else
then after that i woke up and was like this life isnt about me this is about everyone and everything that wasnt me! so then i stopped my stupid selfish actions
and now its like am i allowed to be a little selfish or what and i get lectured for anything i do thats selfish, no correction not anything EVERYTHING
the smallest thing the simplest things, accusing my brother of something he really is at fault for, for asking my step sister to get off the computer because i stayed home to be with them and they left me to go on the computer,
for being aggravated that everyone else was trying to take control of my project, for chosing to not finish watching a movie and wanting to go to bed early and having the kids leave my step-father who they're actually there to see(i didnt even notice i was doing that),
for everything i do i'm the worst person in the world now because i dont know what the hell to do at this point
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
i dont know what would help me and please everyone else
i dont know what would help my career start and what i'm going to do with my life
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
everyone thinks that its their job to control me but its not
its like i have no control over anything i do and when i take control i'm wrong
like everything i do is wrong
i guess it is because it hurts everyone else
i guess it is wrong because everyone else isnt pleased
i guess it is wrong because my idea of right is everyone else's idea of wrong
i guess everything i am is wrong so what the hell am i supposed to do
what the hell am i going to do to make everyone else pleased
if what i do affects everyone else then why dont they stop paying attention stop caring stop looking at my face and notice sadness or dislike
just stop and how would i affect something that never notices me? how would it affect something that didnt even know i existed?
they think i'm doing something selfish but i'm not they're making it out to be because they care, so they should just stop because i dont think about myself first off for most things so i hate being told it was selfish
this life isnt mine so i might as well not care, just stop, not do anything, maybe then everyone will be happy because its over its stupid i dont need to do anything when it hurts everyone
well i havent writin in a while well what feels like a while but it was only 5 days ago ANywho
i'm actually pretty bored right now
but
just recently i wrote some lyrics that happen to be awsome
but
i dont really have my own personal band to be honest
i know some of my friends who have a band put together but they dont really do anything serious and well they dont have a lead singer
i would NEVER brag about my singing talent because i dont think its much
but i'm i suppose decent i guess
and i'm really good at writing so if they find a better singer i could be their liricist ! =]
i'd love that i think its pretty awsome
to be honest i love this whole idea of the band and if anything
making it really totally work
it would be on its own totally
AMAZING !
i love the group and all the guys in it their extreamly talented i believe
if they put their total heart and soul into it they could make something so amazing not one person alone could handle it
we'd spread like the everyday necessity of food and nutrition
it could just be so big
i have a lot of dreams and talents to get myself there
but unfortunately i know what my future is and the outcomes that could really happen
ughhhh i dont know what to do
i really hope this band thing actually does fully workout but
i really hope that i can still have time to make my real future happen
and let my dreams be there to push me toward my goal
like a dream
End
