Please call me izioy =] i enjoy talking about anything and everything so post comments and i'll do my best to return the favor =].
I love many things and i'm pretty chatty... i'll speak about my life and the boredom that keeps me writing =]! enjoy my page thankyou 
Alright so I guess it's pretty close to a year since I've last posted anything!
I miss coming on here. So where in the world do I even begin?
1. I got a job. Yeup I work now, pretty crazy huh?
2. I met a guy there.
3. I started my senior year of school
-It's been ridiculous
-I've gotten so much closer to a lot of my friends
-I've done so much
-I directed and acted in a show this year along with being the producer of the musical
-I got accepted into the college I've been dreaming of.
-I'm going to prom
-I'm going with a close friend
4. This close friend happens to be the guy I really like.
I don't know at what point or if that even matters but I really do like him.
He drives me insane, I actually blush when I'm near him, he makes me really happy.
* He doesn't like me.
Wonderful right?
There is just something in me not allowing me to care. Or just something that isn't letting me be phased by this misfortune. I've always been his friend as of forever and there is no point in not being his friend now. Ugh -___- what is wrong with my mind? it just isn't functioning.
All these things in my mind are obnoxious and unnecessary. I'm really tired I'll rant more later tomorrow.
Sorry for taking forever.
-Izioy =]
okay so it has been quite a while!
we haven't really spoken in months so I must fill you in on all that has happened. or....maybe thats tooooo much
I'll simply fill you in on my summer.
Alright. *deep breath*
the summer started and I hung out with my new friend D who I haven't gotten close to until this year. My mom has been home all the time. I definetly started to feel a little over crowded having her here all the time. Don't we all when our parent's like spending so much time with you. It was truly something totally difficult to get passed. I did though because in the end it's my mom and my step dad so why would I push them far away when they need me?
My love life. I'm not really sure what in the world is going on. It's not me anymore...I feel slightly changed. It feels completely awkward. I usually have someone in mind, someone in heart, someone in my path. I dont have it at the moment. I dont think I like anyone! *gasp* Yeah those words just came out of my mouth. That's the awkward part. I think that the reason I'm constantly jumping from crush to crush is because I dont want to have this awkward empty feeling of not liking anyone. That makes me sound terrible..yeah izioy is the girl that likes to say she likes all these guys when in truth she only needs them to fill a void....THAT'S SO CREEPY!
Like lets take the situation of the fact there was a boy who liked me, I liked him back ..as a friend..a very dear friend, but I never fully came to a conclusion of liking him as more, so then I just decided I believe I do. It wasn't certain or anything but I was really hoping that I did. Then he tells me that he just likes someone else more (his current girlfriend). But I felt terribly crushed yet truthfully I just completely knew that my feelings for him were never truly more than friendship.
>.<
So now, looking on everything I've realized how pathetic it has been for me to crush and be crushed. this all in truth = I've never truly been heartbroken.
*GASP*
I dont know how it is I've decided that this is everything but it clearly is the complete truth.
I love being a romantic. Telling people to fall in love. Wishing I'd fall in love. Always retreating from a fight to let the other girl win, if anything I'll give her the short cut. I am in love with the IDEA of LOVE. It's specialness, the fact others can attain it. All I want is that LOVE not the person in front of me not anything. Just love.
*sigh*
That is the patheticness. To top things as well I'm vain.
Merely about myself. I'm happy with the person I am just not with the body I have. I hate people who complain about their body but dont do anything about it. I'm complaining so I'm on a diet.
FOR REAL.
This diet is insane. I have a pure craving for everything in the house but I cant have it. I have to wait. I have to be exact with everything. I love it. Yes this insane crazy diet that forces me to schedule my eating and how much. That diet I love it!! 10 lbs three days = AWSOME.
GRR RANTING TIME:
I hate putting limits on myself
I hate having people doubt me or worry.
It isn't a thing of being too proud...more like something where you have a goal set and you go to it.
I'm not an extremist I'm not going to be someone who starves themselves or does unhealthy things to reach a point.
I simply want to do every good thing I can to get there. Only God can tell me if I'm healthy or not and no other person can place themselves to judge me. I know this and I hate it when people try to stop you from doing something for yourself. It affects no one else but yet they try stoping you. I'm sorry but only I can decide things for myself and what's the point of throwing negative thoughts at a person trying to persue a dream?
When I mentioned losing an extreme amount of weight everyone threw the idea of me doing something unhealthy to get there. NO no no no no no no no no no no.
That's all I have to say. NO. I make my own decision. I'm a person with good logic. I wouldn't starve myself. I wouldn't over work myself. I wouldn't do anything bad or unhealthy to reach my goal. But yet the response to that was "it's the only way you'll get there". NO. NO. NO. NO.
Do not be foolish. I do what I want I'll get there a different way. There is never a "it's the only way" that's a lie. There are always other ways. ALWAYS.
Just like Sailor Moon saved Hatori, went in after Sailor Saturn and made it back. Always there is another way. Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing can stop you unless you believe it can.
Those were my most recent feelings.
OH >>> MY >>> GAHHH>>> wow
soooo it's been nearly 7 to 8 months since i've been able to use the otaku ... 
yeahhh i've been pretty upset over this for a really long while
there is soooooo much of my life i have not shared spoken about or anything !
and there are people that have been reading!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
this makes me even more happy to know that my post are being read even when i'm not on
so lets see the reason for this sad absense of mine >>>>
anyway then after this terrible disaster and horrible experience i was only allowed on facebook and besides that i didnt have much of any time to actually go on the computer i was too busy !!!!!!!
with what you ask?
well here's the answer :
yes that was the beginning of the year then i went on to being the assistant director to the winter play and boy that toke up a whole lot a time that i didnt really expect it to take up but yeahhhh
so my lifes been filled with lots of drama and happiness + sadness as well as a good heartbreak and the realization that even though i've felt so passionately about many people in the past and have believed i was in love i've really never felt that way at all
its been complete infatuation ... what a complete waste of my life
INFATUATION ---> who the hell wants to deal with the imposter of love??? no one its even false pain
the truth is i have noooo idea when or where in the world i'll actually be able to find love
I completely believe in my heart and will follow every beat it gives me but my heart has not been able to completely take a grasp around the feeling of love
that one feeling i myself most desire but how can i truly desire something i dont have and then what if when i finally reach it i'm not really sure it'll live up to my expectation and then it'll be more of a disaster then imaginable that'll just leave me with a bittersweet happiness <--- eww bittersweet things are they worth while ??? ehhh blahhh
sooo i'll post more now that i've been able to get on to the otaku and i'll tell you of my new obsession .... JONGHYUN KIM <3
well i havent writin in a while well what feels like a while but it was only 5 days ago ANywho
i'm actually pretty bored right now
but
just recently i wrote some lyrics that happen to be awsome
but
i dont really have my own personal band to be honest
i know some of my friends who have a band put together but they dont really do anything serious and well they dont have a lead singer
i would NEVER brag about my singing talent because i dont think its much
but i'm i suppose decent i guess
and i'm really good at writing so if they find a better singer i could be their liricist ! =]
i'd love that i think its pretty awsome
to be honest i love this whole idea of the band and if anything
making it really totally work
it would be on its own totally
AMAZING !
i love the group and all the guys in it their extreamly talented i believe
if they put their total heart and soul into it they could make something so amazing not one person alone could handle it
we'd spread like the everyday necessity of food and nutrition
it could just be so big
i have a lot of dreams and talents to get myself there
but unfortunately i know what my future is and the outcomes that could really happen
ughhhh i dont know what to do
i really hope this band thing actually does fully workout but
i really hope that i can still have time to make my real future happen
and let my dreams be there to push me toward my goal
like a dream
heyyy
so todays FRIDAY
FINALLY ....
NOTTTTTT
okay so i might as well be jumping off the walls happy because i want to sleep or stay up late and not have to worry about getting up extra early to do homework
BUT
the
NOTTTTTT part of my happiness is
well that its a total unhappiness
like i mentioned before that my step-siblings are here
welll i love them like mad
and well i have been spending a lot of time with them but sadly i dont even have tomorrow with them
and i wont see them for another month and two weeks
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
well they'll leave and my life will return to being an obliterating NOTHING that i was before only with the sadness of my Grandmother being in the state that shes in right at this moment so upsetting
but now the one time i have this brilliant light of happiness totally surrounding me for the past week, the light will disappear and once more
i will be thrown into the darkness of nothing
its my step brother and sister and i love them because they're the most annoyingly adorably adoring people ever and i love being their sister
so this upsets me like a mother losing her children
BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
whatever !
i've had no magical experiences for a while and it seems like this years going to suck
so i finally figured out that there are only so little amount of people in the world that truly are good people, the people that will be themselves at all instinses not caring what type of group they're surrounded by
and MOST of the people i know and the people i'm surrounded by are totally bad
okay so whatever it sounds corny if you say "that guys bad because he drinks at parties" but still it counts because people in this world that know they're not supposed to do something and they do it anyway are bad people and people that drink at parties while they're underage are just posers that dont really know what life really is and they just see everything as in they have to do this to fit in but truth is you dont because people like the people that stand out and are themselves because its the person they can look at and see that they're just fine giving them the example of being a person on your own
everyone wants to be someone !
the people that try fitting in and think they're someone they're actually noone
because they're IN the GROUP not as an individual but as a cell in an organ
BE SOMEONE ---> someone = my FRIEND
furry chibi especially is =]
hating to see people stabbing my mom in the back at work pisses me off too
i mean seriously i feel like i've been pulling myself away from people
but the thing is i'm totally not!
i'm just stopping
stopping from the foolish falseness of everyone i dont want to be dragged into a false world that wont take me anywhere but down
well yea thats how i feel thankyou for litsening =]
