Please call me izioy =] i enjoy talking about anything and everything so post comments and i'll do my best to return the favor =].
I love many things and i'm pretty chatty... i'll speak about my life and the boredom that keeps me writing =]! enjoy my page thankyou 
Alright so I guess it's pretty close to a year since I've last posted anything!
I miss coming on here. So where in the world do I even begin?
1. I got a job. Yeup I work now, pretty crazy huh?
2. I met a guy there.
3. I started my senior year of school
-It's been ridiculous
-I've gotten so much closer to a lot of my friends
-I've done so much
-I directed and acted in a show this year along with being the producer of the musical
-I got accepted into the college I've been dreaming of.
-I'm going to prom
-I'm going with a close friend
4. This close friend happens to be the guy I really like.
I don't know at what point or if that even matters but I really do like him.
He drives me insane, I actually blush when I'm near him, he makes me really happy.
* He doesn't like me.
Wonderful right?
There is just something in me not allowing me to care. Or just something that isn't letting me be phased by this misfortune. I've always been his friend as of forever and there is no point in not being his friend now. Ugh -___- what is wrong with my mind? it just isn't functioning.
All these things in my mind are obnoxious and unnecessary. I'm really tired I'll rant more later tomorrow.
Sorry for taking forever.
-Izioy =]
okay so it has been quite a while!
we haven't really spoken in months so I must fill you in on all that has happened. or....maybe thats tooooo much
I'll simply fill you in on my summer.
Alright. *deep breath*
the summer started and I hung out with my new friend D who I haven't gotten close to until this year. My mom has been home all the time. I definetly started to feel a little over crowded having her here all the time. Don't we all when our parent's like spending so much time with you. It was truly something totally difficult to get passed. I did though because in the end it's my mom and my step dad so why would I push them far away when they need me?
My love life. I'm not really sure what in the world is going on. It's not me anymore...I feel slightly changed. It feels completely awkward. I usually have someone in mind, someone in heart, someone in my path. I dont have it at the moment. I dont think I like anyone! *gasp* Yeah those words just came out of my mouth. That's the awkward part. I think that the reason I'm constantly jumping from crush to crush is because I dont want to have this awkward empty feeling of not liking anyone. That makes me sound terrible..yeah izioy is the girl that likes to say she likes all these guys when in truth she only needs them to fill a void....THAT'S SO CREEPY!
Like lets take the situation of the fact there was a boy who liked me, I liked him back ..as a friend..a very dear friend, but I never fully came to a conclusion of liking him as more, so then I just decided I believe I do. It wasn't certain or anything but I was really hoping that I did. Then he tells me that he just likes someone else more (his current girlfriend). But I felt terribly crushed yet truthfully I just completely knew that my feelings for him were never truly more than friendship.
>.<
So now, looking on everything I've realized how pathetic it has been for me to crush and be crushed. this all in truth = I've never truly been heartbroken.
*GASP*
I dont know how it is I've decided that this is everything but it clearly is the complete truth.
I love being a romantic. Telling people to fall in love. Wishing I'd fall in love. Always retreating from a fight to let the other girl win, if anything I'll give her the short cut. I am in love with the IDEA of LOVE. It's specialness, the fact others can attain it. All I want is that LOVE not the person in front of me not anything. Just love.
*sigh*
That is the patheticness. To top things as well I'm vain.
Merely about myself. I'm happy with the person I am just not with the body I have. I hate people who complain about their body but dont do anything about it. I'm complaining so I'm on a diet.
FOR REAL.
This diet is insane. I have a pure craving for everything in the house but I cant have it. I have to wait. I have to be exact with everything. I love it. Yes this insane crazy diet that forces me to schedule my eating and how much. That diet I love it!! 10 lbs three days = AWSOME.
GRR RANTING TIME:
I hate putting limits on myself
I hate having people doubt me or worry.
It isn't a thing of being too proud...more like something where you have a goal set and you go to it.
I'm not an extremist I'm not going to be someone who starves themselves or does unhealthy things to reach a point.
I simply want to do every good thing I can to get there. Only God can tell me if I'm healthy or not and no other person can place themselves to judge me. I know this and I hate it when people try to stop you from doing something for yourself. It affects no one else but yet they try stoping you. I'm sorry but only I can decide things for myself and what's the point of throwing negative thoughts at a person trying to persue a dream?
When I mentioned losing an extreme amount of weight everyone threw the idea of me doing something unhealthy to get there. NO no no no no no no no no no no.
That's all I have to say. NO. I make my own decision. I'm a person with good logic. I wouldn't starve myself. I wouldn't over work myself. I wouldn't do anything bad or unhealthy to reach my goal. But yet the response to that was "it's the only way you'll get there". NO. NO. NO. NO.
Do not be foolish. I do what I want I'll get there a different way. There is never a "it's the only way" that's a lie. There are always other ways. ALWAYS.
Just like Sailor Moon saved Hatori, went in after Sailor Saturn and made it back. Always there is another way. Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing can stop you unless you believe it can.
Those were my most recent feelings.
okay so this friday hasn't been so bad to be perfectly honest
but its been weird
could've totally been better
i got to school late
i forgot i had a weekly assignment due
i had this total bebini(b-i-o-t-c-h) take something i wanted to do away from me, i wanted to read the questions during science for our homework so i wouldnt actually have to answer them so i asked and my teacher likes me so he said that was fine but the total bebini was like "i wana do the questions its not fair she goes all the time and i've never ever read before" okay whatever he knew i only went once before and then hes like "well she's reading" and then shes like "nahh she dont care , she'll let me read" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i said nothing of the sort WHAT THE HELL i wanted to bash her face in so hard, but no i'm too stupid and nice to do anything of the sort and i just said "whatever it doesnt bother me at all" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh, yes yes yes yes it soooooo bothered me like there was no tomorrow !!! I left that class feeling like crap because i hate that girl b/c shes so abnoxious and NOT smart and a total cheat !
ohkay continuing on my day i been on my total game for my u.s. history class so that was fine, i enjoyed that class
um... the next class was not that eventfull ... the class after that i had a sub which was one of my favorite art teachers, and she wants me in a lot of her classes but my schedule is not really allowing that at the moment w/e and i had a conversation with her about my future and what i wanted to do so it was interesting but a little strange because when i told her my plan i kinda made it seem like my dream was the last thing on my list and she told me to make that my first thing, but truth be told my dreams are the entire plan!
MY PLAN
so she told me i'd have to narrow it down because then i wont be able to reach my dreams , but everything about this is my dreams its not like i wont be drawing or writing because i'm in school or because i have a job
journalism is writing
i like learning about law
i have weekends i could draw and paint
i have books that let me unwind
everything about my future is my dream so theres no point in saying its the last thing on my list , i'd be living the life i've always wanted if my plan goes well, i mean i know my life wont be exactly as planed because you cant tell the future but they're just guidelines
***
i saw watchmen ! check criticism blog to find out what i thought, i'm not sure if i'll write it out right now so maybe later on !
well i havent writin in a while well what feels like a while but it was only 5 days ago ANywho
i'm actually pretty bored right now
but
just recently i wrote some lyrics that happen to be awsome
but
i dont really have my own personal band to be honest
i know some of my friends who have a band put together but they dont really do anything serious and well they dont have a lead singer
i would NEVER brag about my singing talent because i dont think its much
but i'm i suppose decent i guess
and i'm really good at writing so if they find a better singer i could be their liricist ! =]
i'd love that i think its pretty awsome
to be honest i love this whole idea of the band and if anything
making it really totally work
it would be on its own totally
AMAZING !
i love the group and all the guys in it their extreamly talented i believe
if they put their total heart and soul into it they could make something so amazing not one person alone could handle it
we'd spread like the everyday necessity of food and nutrition
it could just be so big
i have a lot of dreams and talents to get myself there
but unfortunately i know what my future is and the outcomes that could really happen
ughhhh i dont know what to do
i really hope this band thing actually does fully workout but
i really hope that i can still have time to make my real future happen
and let my dreams be there to push me toward my goal
like a dream
so i've finally found my ray of sunshine
my jacob
so strange because he's so unperfect
so strange because i'm not sure what will happen
more strange because my edward has found a different bella
more strange because i've fully been pulled away from my edward and its been afixiating trying to remove him from my memory
i dont want to forget edward
i havent tried remembering him though
but my edward is fully a ghost in my life as though he's fully disappered
my jacob is strange i feel so drawn to him
my jacob is very liberating and i feel as though around him all my emotions want to just splurrr out
my jacob has romanced me and i feel like i want to take a plunge
the only reason i am falling is because my handle my angel my edward as mierly disappered
the only reason i am falling is because the ghostly figure of my edward is so hard to bare without
the only shadow i see of him is his bella that romes around my halls
the only feeling following me with this shadow is pain and broken souls trying to repair my heart
the only feeling is sadness and i wish it wouldn't remenis
the only happiness is letting those emotions free and it only happens around my jacob
jacob i am not sure of you but you have surely free'd my soul it is merely held down by your hand waiting to pull me into a kiss
once this kiss has been complete
it is my soul to be set free
only your kiss could set me free
End
