Hello Ello

Heyo

Alright so I guess it's pretty close to a year since I've last posted anything!

I miss coming on here. So where in the world do I even begin?

1. I got a job. Yeup I work now, pretty crazy huh?

2. I met a guy there.

I thought I was in love with him
I couldn't bare being without him
nope not true
he's my best friend

3. I started my senior year of school

-It's been ridiculous
-I've gotten so much closer to a lot of my friends
-I've done so much
-I directed and acted in a show this year along with being the producer of the musical
-I got accepted into the college I've been dreaming of.
-I'm going to prom
-I'm going with a close friend

4. This close friend happens to be the guy I really like.

I don't know at what point or if that even matters but I really do like him.

He drives me insane, I actually blush when I'm near him, he makes me really happy.

* He doesn't like me.

Wonderful right?

There is just something in me not allowing me to care. Or just something that isn't letting me be phased by this misfortune. I've always been his friend as of forever and there is no point in not being his friend now. Ugh -___- what is wrong with my mind? it just isn't functioning.

All these things in my mind are obnoxious and unnecessary. I'm really tired I'll rant more later tomorrow.

Sorry for taking forever.

-Izioy =]

ah

well i havent writin in a while well what feels like a while but it was only 5 days ago ANywho

i'm actually pretty bored right now
but
just recently i wrote some lyrics that happen to be awsome
but
i dont really have my own personal band to be honest
i know some of my friends who have a band put together but they dont really do anything serious and well they dont have a lead singer
i would NEVER brag about my singing talent because i dont think its much
but i'm i suppose decent i guess
and i'm really good at writing so if they find a better singer i could be their liricist ! =]
i'd love that i think its pretty awsome
to be honest i love this whole idea of the band and if anything
making it really totally work
it would be on its own totally
AMAZING !
i love the group and all the guys in it their extreamly talented i believe
if they put their total heart and soul into it they could make something so amazing not one person alone could handle it
we'd spread like the everyday necessity of food and nutrition
it could just be so big
i have a lot of dreams and talents to get myself there
but unfortunately i know what my future is and the outcomes that could really happen

ughhhh i dont know what to do
i really hope this band thing actually does fully workout but
i really hope that i can still have time to make my real future happen
and let my dreams be there to push me toward my goal

like a dream

hola

heyyy
so todays FRIDAY
FINALLY ....
NOTTTTTT
okay so i might as well be jumping off the walls happy because i want to sleep or stay up late and not have to worry about getting up extra early to do homework
BUT
the
NOTTTTTT part of my happiness is
well that its a total unhappiness
like i mentioned before that my step-siblings are here

welll i love them like mad
and well i have been spending a lot of time with them but sadly i dont even have tomorrow with them
and i wont see them for another month and two weeks

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

well they'll leave and my life will return to being an obliterating NOTHING that i was before only with the sadness of my Grandmother being in the state that shes in right at this moment so upsetting

but now the one time i have this brilliant light of happiness totally surrounding me for the past week, the light will disappear and once more
i will be thrown into the darkness of nothing

its my step brother and sister and i love them because they're the most annoyingly adorably adoring people ever and i love being their sister
so this upsets me like a mother losing her children

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

whatever !

i've had no magical experiences for a while and it seems like this years going to suck

so i finally figured out that there are only so little amount of people in the world that truly are good people, the people that will be themselves at all instinses not caring what type of group they're surrounded by

and MOST of the people i know and the people i'm surrounded by are totally bad
okay so whatever it sounds corny if you say "that guys bad because he drinks at parties" but still it counts because people in this world that know they're not supposed to do something and they do it anyway are bad people and people that drink at parties while they're underage are just posers that dont really know what life really is and they just see everything as in they have to do this to fit in but truth is you dont because people like the people that stand out and are themselves because its the person they can look at and see that they're just fine giving them the example of being a person on your own

everyone wants to be someone !
the people that try fitting in and think they're someone they're actually noone
because they're IN the GROUP not as an individual but as a cell in an organ

BE SOMEONE ---> someone = my FRIEND
furry chibi especially is =]

hating to see people stabbing my mom in the back at work pisses me off too
i mean seriously i feel like i've been pulling myself away from people
but the thing is i'm totally not!
i'm just stopping
stopping from the foolish falseness of everyone i dont want to be dragged into a false world that wont take me anywhere but down

well yea thats how i feel thankyou for litsening =]

struggle

so i've finally found my ray of sunshine
my jacob
so strange because he's so unperfect
so strange because i'm not sure what will happen
more strange because my edward has found a different bella
more strange because i've fully been pulled away from my edward and its been afixiating trying to remove him from my memory
i dont want to forget edward
i havent tried remembering him though
but my edward is fully a ghost in my life as though he's fully disappered
my jacob is strange i feel so drawn to him
my jacob is very liberating and i feel as though around him all my emotions want to just splurrr out
my jacob has romanced me and i feel like i want to take a plunge
the only reason i am falling is because my handle my angel my edward as mierly disappered
the only reason i am falling is because the ghostly figure of my edward is so hard to bare without
the only shadow i see of him is his bella that romes around my halls
the only feeling following me with this shadow is pain and broken souls trying to repair my heart
the only feeling is sadness and i wish it wouldn't remenis
the only happiness is letting those emotions free and it only happens around my jacob
jacob i am not sure of you but you have surely free'd my soul it is merely held down by your hand waiting to pull me into a kiss
once this kiss has been complete
it is my soul to be set free

only your kiss could set me free

blehhh kinda happy not sure

ok so this person i'm alwaysssss talking about lol
i'm absolutely happy that this will happen
but i'm absolutely upset i wont be able to do anything till august
but its going really well
except i dont want to be the rebound for him at this moment ehhh
yea