Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....
....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.
- Created By Sailor Nevar
School Daze!!!
It's May. My birthday has come and gone and once again it feels like summer out of nowhere. Here in Japan it's not the end, but rather the beginning of the new school year. For me that means a new school every day, and another teacher (or group of them) worrying about just how to teach English (something they've never been trained for) to their elementary schoolers. And once again, I feel I'm doing something useful, something that will help people, something only I can do.
It's only been two days so far and I've got a whole page of notes on problems they seem to think I have the answers to. Problems I've somehow told them I'm going to find the answers to. I did this last year too, but it's only just now becoming clear to me how unknown this territory is. I casually said to a teacher today, "I realized after hearing everyone's concerns last year that nobody knows what to do about this stuff." And she said, "That's right. Nobody in the entire country." So I told her we'd find the find the answer first, here in our little city that wishes it was important.
Way to give me a big(ger) head lady.
Lesson 2-3: Inner Circle Breakdown
I didn't even have to look that title up on the handy "Wiki list of Bleach chapters". I'm reminded every time I go get a title of my friend once saying, "You don't Google anime. You Google porn. You Wiki anime." But anyway, I didn't have to look it up. I've had it in my head (along with a few others) for quite a while. Because I knew I would need it one day. Because, really, when the outer edges crumble, what's left to protect the inside? Nothing. And it can't last if it's left unprotected, if those inside it aren't vigilant.
"I said my confidence, it gets stronger when you're next to me"
Of course, it's not the title that relates to this picture. This chapter comes much later, but it was part of what made me fall in love with Bleach all over again once I got to Japan. This title page was made into a poster which I immediately bought after having saved the scanlated version, emailed it to my phone, & ripped the original out of JUMP. It says good things. Amusingly, at the time I thought Rukia was Mizuiro-kun, making it a picture of 1 girl and 3 boys. It fit ok that way. Then later, I realized how that was kind of stupid because of course, she's a main character so why wouldn't she be on it? So it was actually 2 boys and 2 girls. And it fits better that way.
Last Halloween Sarah & I wanted to cosplay as Orihime and Rukia. That still might be kinda cool to do if we have the money. I noticed the "save Orihime" arc is taking a lot longer than the "save Rukia" one did. To be fair, Rukia's imprisonment was just set up. It was in order to reveal the true villain who coaxed Orihime away. And of course she went. To protect them. Silently. As it's the only thing she thinks she can do. They fight and they fight and still she doubts. Doubts their feelings, doubts their motives, doubts their strength, doubts her own worth more than anything else. And I keep waiting for her to get up and fight. And she doesn't. She just stands there silently, indecisively, watching everyone else suffer. And it makes me hate her. Much as I want to like her and be able to defend her to those fans who call her a useless bitch, I can't.
I took a test on the 7 deadly sins the other day. One of those lame, "which one are you?" things. I thought for sure I'd be Wrath, or maybe Pride, but no. I got Sloth. Fucking Sloth?!? Yeah. But I can't even begin to count the number of things, people, experiences, that I've let go by out of "laziness". So maybe it's accurate after all. Because I'm Orihime. Some of the time.
Good thing Kubo Tite isn't writing my life for me and I can do what she can't.
"please take the message that I'm picking up my chin at last"
6/17 op. 3 Memories in the Rain
It's raining again. I'd like to say I hate the rain more than any other kind of weather, but that would obviously be a lie. It's the cold I hate most.
#1: "I might crumble, I might take a fall again"
I've been reading all my old entries today. I didn't mean to spend quite so much time on it, but I wanted to fix the broken links, pictures, tags, etc. & got caught up in things of the past. It's interesting to remember. Of course, that's what it's all for isn't it? In order to remember, or rather, in order to not forget. It's funny how I can see things happening while they're happening and still be unable to prevent their progression. I hate when I think I'm awake but I'm really not.
I've been wanting to redesign my banner & stuff for a while now, but it seems I've run out of time for that kind of thing today. This vacation was a bit too short for my taste. Time to start looking forward to summer!
the 2nd series: "April is the Cruelest Month"
I love Aaron Sorkin. He's pretty much my idol as far as writers go. I was considering doing a parody ep for my show using November in the title instead of April, but, in fact he was right. I've watched "Sports Night" all the way through countless times (ok, maybe.....about 6?) and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" twice. I never wanted to watch "The West Wing" because it's about politics. The others are about making TV shows. I like that kind of thing, writing, producing, acting, the craziness that comes naturally with being someone who does those kinds of things. I don't like politics. In fact, I hate them. But I gave in. It's 7 seasons & I'm only on the 2nd so far, but damn if it isn't awesome. Of course, I should have known the main characters would still be writers. Speech writers, not comedy or (sports) news this time, but passionate (possibly more so) nonetheless. And even better there's all these things that keep popping up that I recognize & get all excited about. Matching episode titles, parallel characters, cameo actor appearances, even word for word repeated lines. Straight out of fucking "Sports Night." There's all these storylines, themes that he obviously wasn't done with, didn't get to work out the way he needed to thanks to idiots canceling his show, that are being revisited, fixed, better explored now & it's almost like I can watch his thought processes spinning. I'm guessing once I get closer to the end, the beginnings of "Studio 60" will start showing themselves too.
3 days of heaven: "slip into coma calm, the coma where I calm myself down"
I went to Comiket again during Golden Week. It lasted 2 days this time. Sarah & her bf came along for the first one, but I think they were a bit traumatized. Or, he was at least. A little too much doujinshi for a first timer...and perhaps a side of his girlfriend he didn't really want to know existed. Oh well. I'm not too upset about it. I spent way too much money of course. Maye 1.5 times as much as last time? かな? It's ok of course, I've got enough. And it makes me happy. Flying, crazy happy like seeing Less Than Jake live. I got a bit sunburnt waiting in line outside Tokyo Big Sight, but it's probably not too bad. It didn't matter because I was happy like being at AnimeFestivalOrlando used to make me happy. Was having crazy flashbacks of sitting at that damn information table and eating nothing but Pocky for an entire weekend b/c I had no food, time to go buy it, or money left after getting stuff in the goods-hall anyway. It's enough happy to last until who knows when.
I'm looking out at the blue-ing sky right now & thinking, "I could read my new books, but.....maybe I should get outside to the store first."
I think I've been asleep for a while now. Must be time to wake up.
6/17 op. 2 Doesn't Smile Much Anymore
4/21 - "bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away"
Your mask is slipping, cracking in places you didn't realize were weakening in the first place. The bandages you'd smeared across the older cracks have started crumbling and eroding while your attention was was elsewhere, and now the light seeping through them burns far worse than the first time.
The effort it takes just to keep it on at all is becoming excruciating. The strength required to fool not only them, but yourself for so many consecutive hours is taking everything you've got left. But you must not let it go. Even if the chinks become larger, revealing a black eye here, a split lip there, the dissimilarities of your skin in too many obvious ways.
4/17 - "we'll waltz like an army, for the fear of our pain"
The way your mind races...really...the ideas, the possibilities...each dramatic thought a different turn leading to a new end in a new story. Death. Destruction. Panic and fear. It's all enticing.
4/15 - "gonna wake up strong"
...and when the realization comes you are glad, fervently glad, of your perfectly, flawless, impeccable memory. You don't want to remember these things - you didn't want to know them in the first place dammit (for once a thing is known it can never again be unknown...) but you do - you can't help it. And still you're glad, glad you can look at yourself and see someone else, glad you can look at the now and laugh at how easy it is, how goddamn easy it is compared to back then, laugh and keep going because there's really nothing they can inflict on you, nothing you can suffer that could compare to that time.
So your jaw loosens just a bit each day and you remember they can't hurt you if you don't let them.
4/20 - "and the clouds above moved closer, looking so dissatisfied"
It's amazing how you can be both insulted and flattered by something at the same time. Maybe it's a failure of confidence, or of true linguistic proficiency. Who the hell knows.
Sometimes, we are absolutely nowhere.
4/26 - "but I want you to come in closer, come in closer..."
4/17 - "we only wanna sing when we want to"
The loosening only lasts as long as you're distracted. It's entertaining to watch someone else fluster over things you know will be fine. Things you know don't matter. Things you don't care about.
4/24 - "what ever happened to the song, the soul, the me I used to know?"
...and when I awoke I found myself among the humans. There were others here too, I realized. Others of my kind, and our enemies too. It was obvious whenever I met them. I'll never forget the first time. That memory still terrifies me. I had known what I was for only a short time back then, and was just beginning to wonder about my comrades' fate. Had we lost? We must have, for why else would I be imprisoned here in this useless place?
4/21 - "my mind has lost direction, somehow"
....that child has never been able to state her feelings clearly....she has to walk around them for a while before the beginnings of a description can form. And even then, it's not one made of words the rest of us are likely to understand. It's all images and heat and tension and full and empty and
"Honest is easy. Fiction's where genius lies."
March of the Death
Yesterday my brother told me he can't come visit me in Japan this summer. He can't afford it. It's kind of ridiculous since I know he has tons of money, but he's a good saver & I can respect that. At first I was upset, but then I remembered him saying he wanted to climb Mt. Fuji this time around.
Today I climbed a mountain with my students. Well, more like a mountain range actually. Of course it was MUCH less work than Fuji-san would take, but still I think I'm glad I won't be doing that this summer. You know that expression, "what goes up, must come down,"? Well, in mountain climbing it works the opposite way; what goes down, must go up. Again. Because, of course, you've already gone up once in order to get to the place you were going down from.
I pretty much hate mountains. And climbing. Up or down. As I was walking (read: slipping, scrambling, sliding on my hands and knees over the wet, dirty, mossy rocks) with a few of the 2nd year otaku girls all they could say was, "I can't do this! I'm gonna die! I wanna go home!" And I couldn't have agreed more. Of course, I couldn't say so b/c as a "teacher" I have to be a good example. But I couldn't really say much in the way of encouragement either since I was barely breathing enough just to walk (read: drag myself up the mountain on tree branches that left huge splinters in my hands) without talking. I just contented myself with thoughts of the dead bodies of all the other teachers (and maybe a few students...) strewn across the mountain path after I blew them up for taking us on this "outing" where we didn't even look at anything or stop to learn about the area.
Yep, Hayato would've been proud jealous of the massacre I was planning.
We had one interesting conversation along the way though:
Me: What do we do if it rains?
Ai-chan: We get wet.
Me: Eh?
Mizu-chan: You brought a raincoat right?
Me: Yeah...
Mi-chan: If it rains, put it on.
Me: And...we keep climbing up?
Ai-chan: Well, we can't go back. We have to keep going forward.
And that's the way it goes.
It rained. We put on our raincoats & went on. They kept saying they were going to die the whole way. I kept thinking about how I was going to kill everyone there. But we went on anyway, & when it was over I decided, yep, I still hate mountains. They got my shoes dirty after all.
