i knew it.
i knew this was going to happen.
i finally get around to doing what i need to and i get rammed in the face with a brick wall of more problems.
a freakin, thick wall of stone crushing my skull...it's like...you finally make it across one road of a highway only to get hit by a speeding truck at the threshhold of the next T_T
i have always known life likes to screw me over as a hobby, but it's horribly upsetting to a messed up person such as myself to make progress at being better, or trying to be better really--which is very difficult for me, you have no idea--, and not only not get any results above baseline--which would have been fantastic-- but to have them tank into the vacuum currently making it's job to suck up everything i am working towards...
sigh...
i know it's not a huge deal really.....and i won't and don't honestly take it as such...i'm mostly just ranting in frustration of the moment...
sighsighsigh...
and the worst part of all............................................THEREISNOFOODINTHISHOUSE...IAMSOHUNGRYRIGHTNOW DX
like that kind of hungry were your stomach hurts and you can feel it up in your throat, begging for sustinence.....
i will be forced to resort to cannibalism soon it seems..and in that case i must then part take of my sibling, for i'm sure she is very nutritious...
life...you may have cut off my limbs but i shall come back...and bite your damn legs off...cause that's how we black knights roll T 3T
T -T
my internet decided to stop working as i was writing this post........and i lost everything i wrote....this always happens just when i don't need it...it's quite irksome...also, i will not being writing as much as i had because i already did and i don't feel like repeating myself T 3T
quick overview of my life since my last posts...i went through a terrible time, some might not agree as much as they don't understand but those that do will hopefully empathize with me. my first dog, phoebe, slipped into a very bad place and was essentially dying. it was very hard for us, we didn't know what to do as she wouldn't eat and we had to watch her almost 24/7 to let her out and check out her and try to feed her...we decided we needed to have her put down, something we all knew was coming but continued to hope for the best, and we finally set a date after two bowel movements of possible bloodiness...she was put to sleep on June 2. the three days leading up to this, the last being the day she passed, i had been on night patrol with her but had ended up being awake all 3 days with 6 hours of sleep, one two hour and one 4 hour, my meds were completely messed up and i was exhausted and upset and stressed and anxious with everything that this was very hard for me. at the time we had no idea what had been wrong with her, which made everything much worse because we didn't want to be prematurely having her put down when we could have done something to help her and so we requested a necropsy done by our vet. it turned out that she most likely had been suffering from Lymphoma, which is a type of cancer for those who don't know. eventhough it will always hurt and nothing will change what happened i think it helped to know that she was very sick and there was very little we could have done for her, she simply got sick and it had suddenly grasped her life and dragged her down and there wasn't anything that could have been done for her. we all miss her greatly, and she will always be our phoebe. we had her cremated and now she has a place of honor on our mantle.
we always had the intention of getting another dog, if not for us than for our other dog to have a playmate. we ended up getting her near the end june actually, and we made sure to get a dog nothing like our phoebe but a puppy that could play with our other dog, aragorn, and maybe help get his chubbiness down XP cuase he is a chub-a-lub-bub. we adopted a dog, just like we had aragorn, and strangely enough this dog was fostered by the same person who had fostered aragorn. anyways, she is a mix but is most predominantly basenji and german shepherd, we call her a "sherpenji" hehehe XD and we named her Luna, because she is a hyper, loony, lunatic *nodnod*
that is where we are now.
all sadness aside, the main reason i wanted to post originally was because in the last few days there has been a big influx of views to this world and now it is over 10k views! WOO! huzzah for me and you all, this is a strangely nice moment and i thank all those that have come to see this bizarre and pointless place :)
drawings are coming soon, nothing big or special as those are still not done, but things at least! *mini wave in celebration of me*
not much else is going on in my world...though i am trying to live now. it's so incredibly hard, i don't know how people do it. this is going to be a difficult and long journey. a part i'm dreading is telling my mom(and subsequently my dad, therapist, and pharmapsycologist) about my scars. but i need new clothes, especially before the 24th, because it's summer and it's hot and i just can't keep wearing jackets and long sleeves and long leggings (i have no pants that fit me right now because i am full of fat T-T) i knew i was going to need to and i have always known that and i have been trying for months now but there just is never a good time...bad things keep happening..T-T *deskslam*
WELL..that's all for now....must be off...and stuff...yeah
p.s. i have a headache............it's making me feel sick...- n-
