Something for your eye gouging pleasure...a long and annoying update on my life and what is going to happen in the near and distant future *nod*
SIGH, well took me a while to get around to writing this(and then to get it up here XP)…been very busy, or at least for me it is…I mean I have moved more than I would in two months in the last three weeks! It’s been very hard on me I think T –T i mean yesterday i slept through the entire day from 4 am to 5 am the next day! i slept through two very annoying alarms! it was my body taking matters into it's own hands i think T 3T sometimes it does that...my body and mind are definately two entities...
Anyways, the simple of it is, I have been trying to come back to life lately. I sort of imagine myself as having been dead my entire life and now I have started digging my way to the surface, to live among the humans, masquerading as one in order to have a “normal” existence.
I really took my dog’s death as a (I apologize how cliché this may sound to some people) sign from God. It was something I always knew would happen and anticipated in the last few weeks of her life, but I suppose the suddenness of it all and then learning it was the same cancer that had taken my grandma when she was still so young (only just turned 69!)…it was a wake-up call that I knew I needed but had never truly felt. That life is unexpected, no matter how fully I live by ‘expect the unexpected’, I can’t avoid that things happen whether you want them or not, and even if you were knowing that it was on its way the full force of it knocks some of your brain loose again. I loved my dog greatly, and I adored my grandmother. Even though I have always had problems, and I know I always will, and while I can empathize with wished to simply end it all, there is this small biting fire inside me that wants to live. I want to go to college, I want to find something I love to do, I want to find my someone, I want to have children and make my parents grandparents—they would be great ones too!—, I want pets of my own, a home of my own, I want to grow old hand in hand with my love, and I want to live a long life with purpose, then slip soundly into heaven, and meet everyone I loved and lost and the reason for my being ‘face’ to ‘face’. I have hopes in life, and I never once believed I couldn’t one day have those. Having this loss really reminded me, as much as I can take my time to be ready, I also need to keep myself moving, or else all these experiences will fall into the abyss I can’t seem to climb out of.
All this kicking got me to know I need to be thinking about college, sure it won’t be where I’m going tomorrow or this school year but it should be soon and I am going to need to work hard to be ready. I have things I need to accomplish before I can do that, and I want to be able to get to that first day…with a dorm and strange roommate and everything—eventhough I’m sure I won’t be too fond of having a roommate -___- —and know that I made it and be proud of myself for once. With this going on now, I don’t know how much I will be able to be around…and it truly saddens me, but until I can find my footing in this new life of mine, I just can’t be wasting and procrastinating (as I am quite skilled in). I will always try to make time for my friends and I will always be lurking every now and then even if I don’t make myself present :’)
Onto some fun stuff! I think I finally tacked down a major after all the depressing uncertainty I had when wishing for a career in Vet Tech areas, I will still try and study some Pre-Vet though even if I don’t major because I love it still and who knows what will come along in life ^_^ I have chosen something I always knew I liked and thought about but simply wasn’t sure of, and that is Majoring in Psychology. Seems appropriate, right? It’s kind of been my whole life really XP Then I would like to Minor in Writing. Not because I intend to have a writing career but I would love to one day publish some of my original fiction ideas and stories. It’s all writer’s dreams to have their own work in a nice, brand new book smelling, hard back novel. To do this, I need to know the ACTUAL rules of writing which I now do not really abide by so learning would be a great help regardless! As I said I will surely try and look into some pre-vet education but I won’t do anything career wise with it
I already have a college picked out too! One I loved from the first time I toured, and the other day I got back from an overnight tour thing which only made me seal the deal permanently! Especially my talk with a very kind and understand admissions counselor who helped me figure out what to do in order to be ready to apply ^-^ it’s wonderful to have a plan now and a real goal to be heading for *nodnod*
So hopefully, I will be a student of the class year 2013 along with my sister and second best friend! Sure, it will be the year that my graduating class will be starting their junior years but I wasn’t ready then plus it’s not like I’m advancing with them all and staying behind...it will be a new world full of new people and I will have my sibling and friend there with me too :3 so I’m not worried, I’m hopeful.
My life checklist currently:
-Finally get my 2nd semester of geometry finished
-Subsequently, getting my high school diploma (yes, I did graduate but I have this one semester I failed and while I can just not do it and get my GED, I am not letting a little bit of math keep me from a college prep diploma when I had more credits than necessary for the honors…I will not. T 3T)
-Get my driver’s ed. Permit
-Get my license
-Get a job(maaaaaaaaybe)
-Study and prepare for the SAT/ACT
-Take and kick the butts of SAT/ACT
-(if SAT/ACT required then will do after if not then during) take around 24 hours of community college to get a new GPA to rule out my horrid high school one and show the college I CAN work despite my issues before weighing me down
-Apply to college!
-GET IN! (would be AWESOME bonus to be eligible for an academic scholarship!..but that is unlikely T-T)
-Start my 6 year work towards my future!
So that is going to be my life until that school year of 2013! Pray for me those that pray and wish well those that don’t…it’s going to be a long road and I’m still just starting
All that aside, I have a few drawings that I scanned in a couple days ago that I shall start slipping in! none of it is anything big, all sketchy, and then gaia avie art for people..on gaia, obviously
T -T
my internet decided to stop working as i was writing this post........and i lost everything i wrote....this always happens just when i don't need it...it's quite irksome...also, i will not being writing as much as i had because i already did and i don't feel like repeating myself T 3T
quick overview of my life since my last posts...i went through a terrible time, some might not agree as much as they don't understand but those that do will hopefully empathize with me. my first dog, phoebe, slipped into a very bad place and was essentially dying. it was very hard for us, we didn't know what to do as she wouldn't eat and we had to watch her almost 24/7 to let her out and check out her and try to feed her...we decided we needed to have her put down, something we all knew was coming but continued to hope for the best, and we finally set a date after two bowel movements of possible bloodiness...she was put to sleep on June 2. the three days leading up to this, the last being the day she passed, i had been on night patrol with her but had ended up being awake all 3 days with 6 hours of sleep, one two hour and one 4 hour, my meds were completely messed up and i was exhausted and upset and stressed and anxious with everything that this was very hard for me. at the time we had no idea what had been wrong with her, which made everything much worse because we didn't want to be prematurely having her put down when we could have done something to help her and so we requested a necropsy done by our vet. it turned out that she most likely had been suffering from Lymphoma, which is a type of cancer for those who don't know. eventhough it will always hurt and nothing will change what happened i think it helped to know that she was very sick and there was very little we could have done for her, she simply got sick and it had suddenly grasped her life and dragged her down and there wasn't anything that could have been done for her. we all miss her greatly, and she will always be our phoebe. we had her cremated and now she has a place of honor on our mantle.
we always had the intention of getting another dog, if not for us than for our other dog to have a playmate. we ended up getting her near the end june actually, and we made sure to get a dog nothing like our phoebe but a puppy that could play with our other dog, aragorn, and maybe help get his chubbiness down XP cuase he is a chub-a-lub-bub. we adopted a dog, just like we had aragorn, and strangely enough this dog was fostered by the same person who had fostered aragorn. anyways, she is a mix but is most predominantly basenji and german shepherd, we call her a "sherpenji" hehehe XD and we named her Luna, because she is a hyper, loony, lunatic *nodnod*
that is where we are now.
all sadness aside, the main reason i wanted to post originally was because in the last few days there has been a big influx of views to this world and now it is over 10k views! WOO! huzzah for me and you all, this is a strangely nice moment and i thank all those that have come to see this bizarre and pointless place :)
drawings are coming soon, nothing big or special as those are still not done, but things at least! *mini wave in celebration of me*
not much else is going on in my world...though i am trying to live now. it's so incredibly hard, i don't know how people do it. this is going to be a difficult and long journey. a part i'm dreading is telling my mom(and subsequently my dad, therapist, and pharmapsycologist) about my scars. but i need new clothes, especially before the 24th, because it's summer and it's hot and i just can't keep wearing jackets and long sleeves and long leggings (i have no pants that fit me right now because i am full of fat T-T) i knew i was going to need to and i have always known that and i have been trying for months now but there just is never a good time...bad things keep happening..T-T *deskslam*
WELL..that's all for now....must be off...and stuff...yeah
p.s. i have a headache............it's making me feel sick...- n-
