THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Summer and other stuff!

Ooookee dokee!
So.
I'm out of school for the summer after the 28th of this month. Great, but not great. I'll miss my friends.
Sadly, I might have to do summer school. Then again, maybe not. I'm not sure yet. But I'm hoping that I don't have to deal with summer school. I HATE summer school with a passion.

I have also figured something out. I know what I want to do for a profession. I want to be a professional photographer. You know, dealing with nature shots and stuff. Wildlife. I'm really good at it. I figured that out over the weekend. I was hanging out a lot with my great uncle, and he has professional cameras, and takes really good professional wildlife shots of flowers, animals, and scenery. He let me use one of his cameras during a trip to the wildlife refuge out here, and I took some DAMN wonderful pictures. I'll have to put some up when my great uncle sends out the disc of the pictures I took.

So I might be getting my sexy darling phone back. I have missed her. She was my lovely. She still is. And I will be able to text more people, now that I have more people's numbers. HAHAHAHA!!! It will be fun. Yes yes.

I'm hoping to see my brother sometime this summer, too. We have been talking a lot lately. We have grown really close even though we live far away and haven't seen one another in so long. We are desperate to hang out with each other soon.

So anyway. I've been drawing lately. The art looks pretty good, so once I get a scanner again, I'll post some art. Or try to, haha. It might even have to come from my phone, to be honest. Lame.

So I got a new pocket knife. It's...sexy. I like it. I was going kind of knife happy this morning when I got it. I kept flipping it open and then shutting it. Ha. The blade looks lovely. I'm kind of craving as of late, but I'm trying not to.

Well...I'm not entirely sure what else to write. Hmm. To any of my friends that remember me from Florida or New Jersey, ones that I was seriously personally friends with, like, that I met, if you ever want to talk to me, just PM me, I'll tell you my new house # and cellphone #.

Hope everyone is doing well. Don't be emo. Trust me. Not. Worth. It.
And don't do drugs.
Except pot.
Pot is okay.
Not harmful to people in any way, shape, or form. So yeah.
Love love.
And no, I'm not on pot.
...yet.
Just kidding.
Or am I?
BWAHAHA.
^3^
<3,
~KHAOS

Ok, say what now???

So, last time I updated this, I was happy and back with Tyler. Well, here's the NOT SHOCKING news.

He moved to Provo with his grandpa and broke up with me.

We were still being cute, you know, but it really sucked, and I was really depressed. I pretty much moped around all the time, and when friends would talk to me, I would usually just nod...or say, "ya" or "no". Well...I was hanging out with Tyler's best friend, Alec. The one I dated before. He ended up asking me back out. Here I am, depressed, pretty much gone, and he is asking me out. What do you think I said?

I just nodded. Said "ya...sure..."

When I realized that it was too awkward because every time he kissed or held me I had to think of Tyler to tolerate it, I decided to send a text to Tyler. I told him I had to talk to him about some things.

Alec had also texted Tyler, telling him what was going on and that he needed to talk to him about it to know if it was okay.

Tyler never answered.

Devin, my accquaintance, had mentioned me and Alec to Tyler one day while she was borrowing my friend's phone. Tyler got pissed off. So did Devin. She pretty much turned against me completely. For two days. HAHA! It didn't last. The anger, I mean. But that day, Tyler said that it's like a law that you don't date your best friend's ex. I could only call him a hypocrite since he and Devin had dated. Without permission. There is simply no such law.

Tyler and myself argued and argued until he finally texted, saying, "Gtfo of my life just leave me alone" (gtfo=get the fuck out). I told him some mean things, that I rather regret saying, and haven't talked to him since. It has been a week now.

I spoke with Devin about what happened. I told her, "It just amazes me that no matter how many times I forgave him for all the mistakes he made, which there were a lot of, I make ONE little mistake, I explain myself and apologize sincerely, and he can't accept it." We both agree that it must be some GUY thing. We aren't sure yet.

I can say this, though. No matter how many fights me and Tyler get in, no matter how many times this happens, it always goes right back to how it once was. We always recover and forgive each other. We always bounce right back. And in due time, one of us will give in. We will start talking again, and we will get back together. It never fails. Eventually, we will be one of those married couples that fights all the time.

...I don't want that.

Don't get me wrong, I love him very much. With all my heart, mind, and soul. I can't get him out of my head, nor my heart. But I refuse to live like that. It makes me sick.

Literally.

Since he left me, I have been ill. Coughing hard enough that I can't catch my breath, getting fevers, nausea is constant...and those pains in my chest that I used to get mildly?

Severe now.

I'm not entirely sure how to handle it anymore. But I'm trying my best. I won't lie, though. I miss him a lot. I want to talk to him, but I am afraid to say anything.

Shall I move on as best I can? I don't know.

I do like someone else now, though. He is very sweet, funny, I enjoy talking to him, and he supports me. Unless I'm doing something bad or something. Then he tells me I shouldn't and does all he can to make me stop whatever I'm doing that may be harmful to myself. He is 18. I met him on myyearbook. And I forgot to mention...he is very cute. Handsome. Okay, insanely good looking. Haha.

But it's his personality that is pulling me in. I love it. He is so great. I wish he lived closer, so that we could actually try something. Like, date. But yeah...

So I guess that's all for now. My last day of school is on the 28th of May, and I can sluff all my classes...
...legally. X3

So I plan to spend a lot of time on the internet. ^_^ If anyone is up for a chat or two. Anyway...bye for now.

~Khaos

p.s. That is a pic of me. It is more recent.

Call me a fool, but...

Alrighty...

Khaos has some BIG news. Although it may not surprise many...it surprised me.

Just two days ago EXACTLY, after school, my ex, Tyler, met up with me to hang out until I had to leave, which was around six fifty or seven p.m...We walked around for a bit, and it started to rain. It wasn't raining all that hard, but it was kind of the wrong time for it to start raining, since I had always wanted to be somewhere with him while it rained and we were dating. Well, he looks at me and says, "Is it okay if I show you this one spot I had wanted to take you to when we were dating? I think you will like it there, and there's trees, so we shouldn't get rained on too bad." So I told him I was fine with that.

He leads me to this lovely area with a stream going through it, and says that there is a specific area there that he wants to take me. So he keeps leading me, all the while helping me up and down the steep slopes. We get to another part of the stream, and I tried to make it across on my own...I slipped on a rock and got the top right half of my shirt and hair wet. I was embarrassed, but he assured me it was fine. So we sat there quiet for a bit, just listening to the stream.

A few seconds later, it starts LITERALLY pouring rain on us. He looks down, so I ask him what is wrong. He looks over at me, with that look he used to give when we had been together, and he says, "Back when we were together, THIS is EXACTLY how I wanted us being here to happen. I wanted it to be pouring rain, and just you and me. And now it's happening. Just...at the wrong time." So I nodded, stood, and walked over to some cattail things. I started pulling them out of the ground. Then he said, "Come on, let's go back." So he helped me pick up my stuff, and put my glasses in his coat pocket.

He helped me up another steep slope and we got to the open...we were still getting rained on pretty bad, haha. Both of us had soaking wet clothes and hair. My bags also got soaking wet, so some of my un-needed paperwork is water-damaged. My headphones survived.

We finally got to the VC, and went to the back of it. I recalled that I had an extra shirt, and checked to see if it was still dry. Luckily for me, it was. I changed my shirt not too far away from where he was standing, back turned to me, thank goodness. *laughs*. So I told him he was okay to look when I was dressed completely. We walked to a dry area, and sat there for a bit. Then came our hopeless confessions...we still love one another.

For a while, we just messed around, running around in the rain, and then he had to...*haha* use the restroom. So while he was gone, I spun around in circles in the rain. He ended up running back up to me once he had returned and caught me before I fell. When I could focus, I looked up at him, and we stared into one another's eyes for quite some time before we walked back to the dry area. He ended up staring at me for a while, and when I finally asked what he was thinking about, he said, "I'm just trying to decide something."

So as I had gotten kind of bored finally, I started to walk back into the rain, and he pulled me back, gently. He had me kind of...against a wall. He stared into my eyes again. "I've decided. But I think it will be easier to show you." We stood there. Nothing.
"Tyler, um, are you going to show me what you have to show me? Otherwise...I won't understand."
"I'm afraid that I might get slapped."
"Haha, do I look like I would slap you?"
"Actually, and no offense meant, but yeah, you do." *chuckles nervously while blushing*
"I won't slap you...I promise."
"Then...I might as well just go for it."
In that moment, he leaned in and kissed me. This time, our kiss was far more passionate than the ones in the past. I learned. When he pulled away, we smiled and went in for another kiss. It was in that moment that we confirmed that we were officially back together. Then I smiled.
"Tyler, could we...um..."
"What?"
"Could we move into the rain a little bit?"
"Um, sure. Haha. But why?"
"Well...I've always wanted to kiss someone in the rain...*blushes*"
"*smiles* Okay."
We kissed again. In the rain. I felt like I was flying. It was, in all honesty, like a movie to me. I never thought that it would happen, just like most events within a moive, and yet, there it was, happening. I ended up walking out into the open, just staring off at nothing. Tyler came up behind me and held me.
"Tyler...will it still be like this later?"
"Later? *chuckle* No. It'll be better."
"Do you know what I meant?"
"Hmm...our future?"
I giggled.
"I was right, huh? *chuckles*"
"Tyler, I meant tomorrow...will we still be able to be like this?"
He kissed me again.
"Of course we will."
Then he walked me to the college.

I got in a lot of trouble by my parents for being gone until a little bit past seven, but it was only because they were really worried. I've never seen my mother cry like that, so...I vowed never to do that to her again. But I won't tell them about Tyler again until I feel they are ready for it, and right now isn't the time. But from now on I will let them know where I'm going, what I'll be doing, and how long I should be.

For the record, though....
....it was totally worth it....
....because I'm happy again.

~KHAOS

Just thought I would say...

Okay so I just thought I would say that me and Tyler are completely incapable of not speaking to one another. O_o It's....terrible. Pathetic. We are friends again. I just don't understand it. And you know what? I'm a terrible liar. Because I DO miss him horribly, and I wish he would decide to keep his promise instead of leave for good. I hate that he is choosing someone who lied, cheated, got pregnant with the person she cheated on him with, and left him...I just...UGH. I don't understand anymore. I want MY Tyler back. It really sucks.

So now it's Italian??

Well, I am now taking the time to learn Italian. O_o I have too much free time on my hands.

Non riesco proprio a farne a meno. Non c'è stato niente divertente per me da fare. E che con tutta la faccenda Tyler succedendo, credo che ho appena sorta di male ...? Annoiato? Non lo so. Ma io sono giusto un po 'felice. Sono stato flirtare un po 'con Monty recentemente. Lui è un tesoro. Sono triste per il weekend lungo a venire, perché è il fine settimana che ho davvero la sua mancanza. Non so se questo è un bene o un male ... Hm. Ma comunque.

Spero di ottenere il mio telefono indietro a volte, in modo che io possa testo Monty nei fine settimana. Voglio dire, io ho il mio iPod, quindi perché non il mio cellulare, anche?

E sto ancora disegnando e scrivendo su di me un sacco. Continuo a rimanere dopo la scuola, anche quando non ho nulla da lavorare o di trucco, haha. Solo che non voglio tornare a casa come di ritardo. Soprattutto quando devo prendermi cura dei cani. Si succhiano. Oh, mi dispiace! La gente qui, probabilmente non hanno idea di quello che dico, eh? Whoops. Parlerò in inglese di nuovo, ma solo perché non c'è niente altro da dire adesso, tranne che per il mio addio.

So then, bye bye from Khaos. Khaos augura a tutti bene. tanti abbracci a tutti voi. I migliori auguri!

~KHAOS