Please call me izioy =] i enjoy talking about anything and everything so post comments and i'll do my best to return the favor =].
I love many things and i'm pretty chatty... i'll speak about my life and the boredom that keeps me writing =]! enjoy my page thankyou 
Alright so I guess it's pretty close to a year since I've last posted anything!
I miss coming on here. So where in the world do I even begin?
1. I got a job. Yeup I work now, pretty crazy huh?
2. I met a guy there.
3. I started my senior year of school
-It's been ridiculous
-I've gotten so much closer to a lot of my friends
-I've done so much
-I directed and acted in a show this year along with being the producer of the musical
-I got accepted into the college I've been dreaming of.
-I'm going to prom
-I'm going with a close friend
4. This close friend happens to be the guy I really like.
I don't know at what point or if that even matters but I really do like him.
He drives me insane, I actually blush when I'm near him, he makes me really happy.
* He doesn't like me.
Wonderful right?
There is just something in me not allowing me to care. Or just something that isn't letting me be phased by this misfortune. I've always been his friend as of forever and there is no point in not being his friend now. Ugh -___- what is wrong with my mind? it just isn't functioning.
All these things in my mind are obnoxious and unnecessary. I'm really tired I'll rant more later tomorrow.
Sorry for taking forever.
-Izioy =]
________________________________________________________________________
1. Which color is better red, black, green, blue, or yellow?
red
2. What's your first initial?
M
3. What month is your birthday?
May
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
White
5. Name one of your friends.
Furry Chibi
6. Pick a number 1-100?
7
7. Would you like to fly or drive more?
Fly
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
Lake
9. Think of a wish, but don't write it.
....mmmmmmm...hmmmm....kay
If you chose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love and give good advice to those who are down.
Yellow - You are a very happy person.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
If you're initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever.
July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.Oct-Dec: Your love life will be great, and eventually you will find your soul mate.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
If you chose:
Black: Your life will take you on a different direction, it will seem hard at times but it will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it._ ______________ ______________ ___
This person is your best friend.
.well I'd most definetly hope so.
__ _______________ ______________ _
If it is 1-50 you are a very lovable person and you have a great life
More than 50 screw the world.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
If you chose:
Flying - You like adventure.
Driving - You are a laid back person.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
If you chose:
Lake - You are loyal to your friends, your lover, and yourself. You are very reserved but emotional.
Ocean - You are spontaneous and like to please people sometimes.
_ ______________ ______________ ___
This wish will come true only if you repost this with the title:
Emotion Test Don't Cheat
okay so it has been quite a while!
we haven't really spoken in months so I must fill you in on all that has happened. or....maybe thats tooooo much
I'll simply fill you in on my summer.
Alright. *deep breath*
the summer started and I hung out with my new friend D who I haven't gotten close to until this year. My mom has been home all the time. I definetly started to feel a little over crowded having her here all the time. Don't we all when our parent's like spending so much time with you. It was truly something totally difficult to get passed. I did though because in the end it's my mom and my step dad so why would I push them far away when they need me?
My love life. I'm not really sure what in the world is going on. It's not me anymore...I feel slightly changed. It feels completely awkward. I usually have someone in mind, someone in heart, someone in my path. I dont have it at the moment. I dont think I like anyone! *gasp* Yeah those words just came out of my mouth. That's the awkward part. I think that the reason I'm constantly jumping from crush to crush is because I dont want to have this awkward empty feeling of not liking anyone. That makes me sound terrible..yeah izioy is the girl that likes to say she likes all these guys when in truth she only needs them to fill a void....THAT'S SO CREEPY!
Like lets take the situation of the fact there was a boy who liked me, I liked him back ..as a friend..a very dear friend, but I never fully came to a conclusion of liking him as more, so then I just decided I believe I do. It wasn't certain or anything but I was really hoping that I did. Then he tells me that he just likes someone else more (his current girlfriend). But I felt terribly crushed yet truthfully I just completely knew that my feelings for him were never truly more than friendship.
>.<
So now, looking on everything I've realized how pathetic it has been for me to crush and be crushed. this all in truth = I've never truly been heartbroken.
*GASP*
I dont know how it is I've decided that this is everything but it clearly is the complete truth.
I love being a romantic. Telling people to fall in love. Wishing I'd fall in love. Always retreating from a fight to let the other girl win, if anything I'll give her the short cut. I am in love with the IDEA of LOVE. It's specialness, the fact others can attain it. All I want is that LOVE not the person in front of me not anything. Just love.
*sigh*
That is the patheticness. To top things as well I'm vain.
Merely about myself. I'm happy with the person I am just not with the body I have. I hate people who complain about their body but dont do anything about it. I'm complaining so I'm on a diet.
FOR REAL.
This diet is insane. I have a pure craving for everything in the house but I cant have it. I have to wait. I have to be exact with everything. I love it. Yes this insane crazy diet that forces me to schedule my eating and how much. That diet I love it!! 10 lbs three days = AWSOME.
GRR RANTING TIME:
I hate putting limits on myself
I hate having people doubt me or worry.
It isn't a thing of being too proud...more like something where you have a goal set and you go to it.
I'm not an extremist I'm not going to be someone who starves themselves or does unhealthy things to reach a point.
I simply want to do every good thing I can to get there. Only God can tell me if I'm healthy or not and no other person can place themselves to judge me. I know this and I hate it when people try to stop you from doing something for yourself. It affects no one else but yet they try stoping you. I'm sorry but only I can decide things for myself and what's the point of throwing negative thoughts at a person trying to persue a dream?
When I mentioned losing an extreme amount of weight everyone threw the idea of me doing something unhealthy to get there. NO no no no no no no no no no no.
That's all I have to say. NO. I make my own decision. I'm a person with good logic. I wouldn't starve myself. I wouldn't over work myself. I wouldn't do anything bad or unhealthy to reach my goal. But yet the response to that was "it's the only way you'll get there". NO. NO. NO. NO.
Do not be foolish. I do what I want I'll get there a different way. There is never a "it's the only way" that's a lie. There are always other ways. ALWAYS.
Just like Sailor Moon saved Hatori, went in after Sailor Saturn and made it back. Always there is another way. Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing can stop you unless you believe it can.
Those were my most recent feelings.
OH >>> MY >>> GAHHH>>> wow
soooo it's been nearly 7 to 8 months since i've been able to use the otaku ... 
yeahhh i've been pretty upset over this for a really long while
there is soooooo much of my life i have not shared spoken about or anything !
and there are people that have been reading!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
this makes me even more happy to know that my post are being read even when i'm not on
so lets see the reason for this sad absense of mine >>>>
anyway then after this terrible disaster and horrible experience i was only allowed on facebook and besides that i didnt have much of any time to actually go on the computer i was too busy !!!!!!!
with what you ask?
well here's the answer :
yes that was the beginning of the year then i went on to being the assistant director to the winter play and boy that toke up a whole lot a time that i didnt really expect it to take up but yeahhhh
so my lifes been filled with lots of drama and happiness + sadness as well as a good heartbreak and the realization that even though i've felt so passionately about many people in the past and have believed i was in love i've really never felt that way at all
its been complete infatuation ... what a complete waste of my life
INFATUATION ---> who the hell wants to deal with the imposter of love??? no one its even false pain
the truth is i have noooo idea when or where in the world i'll actually be able to find love
I completely believe in my heart and will follow every beat it gives me but my heart has not been able to completely take a grasp around the feeling of love
that one feeling i myself most desire but how can i truly desire something i dont have and then what if when i finally reach it i'm not really sure it'll live up to my expectation and then it'll be more of a disaster then imaginable that'll just leave me with a bittersweet happiness <--- eww bittersweet things are they worth while ??? ehhh blahhh
sooo i'll post more now that i've been able to get on to the otaku and i'll tell you of my new obsession .... JONGHYUN KIM <3
okay so its a little bit sad
because i cant think of anything i really feel like writing
well actually to be honest
the one thing i'd have to actually talk about would be about
my new family the one that i had visited in virginia a few weeks ago
and my already family which was my step brother and sister
who i spent the week with and who i miss because they only stayed for the week
ughh i dont even know what i want to say
i wish they could just stay here forever live with us
and just stay with us in our home rather then their moms
its not because i hate their mom or anything like that but
they're better off with us
and i dont know whats been up with me at all lately
i feel like such a female dog
i keep feeling like i'm acting so selfish and its so strange because i am in an unintentional way and its like i cant stop it yet everyone's hurt by it
so what in the world am i supposed to do? analyze everything i do i dont want to live like that because that isnt living its dying because you have to watch everything they do
ughh i feel so frustrtated inside
like my step-dad says that i'm trapped between becoming an adult and wanting to stay a child
I HATE THIS FEELING
simply because thats just it how are you supposed to pick theres no specific age where someone says "hey be an adult your done being a child"
and its like i never really was like a child, not for long at least
i had the 2 years where all i cared about was myself and no one else
then after that i woke up and was like this life isnt about me this is about everyone and everything that wasnt me! so then i stopped my stupid selfish actions
and now its like am i allowed to be a little selfish or what and i get lectured for anything i do thats selfish, no correction not anything EVERYTHING
the smallest thing the simplest things, accusing my brother of something he really is at fault for, for asking my step sister to get off the computer because i stayed home to be with them and they left me to go on the computer,
for being aggravated that everyone else was trying to take control of my project, for chosing to not finish watching a movie and wanting to go to bed early and having the kids leave my step-father who they're actually there to see(i didnt even notice i was doing that),
for everything i do i'm the worst person in the world now because i dont know what the hell to do at this point
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
i dont know what would help me and please everyone else
i dont know what would help my career start and what i'm going to do with my life
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
everyone thinks that its their job to control me but its not
its like i have no control over anything i do and when i take control i'm wrong
like everything i do is wrong
i guess it is because it hurts everyone else
i guess it is wrong because everyone else isnt pleased
i guess it is wrong because my idea of right is everyone else's idea of wrong
i guess everything i am is wrong so what the hell am i supposed to do
what the hell am i going to do to make everyone else pleased
if what i do affects everyone else then why dont they stop paying attention stop caring stop looking at my face and notice sadness or dislike
just stop and how would i affect something that never notices me? how would it affect something that didnt even know i existed?
they think i'm doing something selfish but i'm not they're making it out to be because they care, so they should just stop because i dont think about myself first off for most things so i hate being told it was selfish
this life isnt mine so i might as well not care, just stop, not do anything, maybe then everyone will be happy because its over its stupid i dont need to do anything when it hurts everyone
